Michael Scott: Would you mind if I listen to my book on tape? I'm kind of a bookworm. This is the novelization of the movie Precious based on the book Push by Sapphire.
Erin: I was thinking it would be fun to talk on the way over. So what decade would you have chosen to be a teenager?
Michael Scott: [shakes head] I don't know.
Erin: I would have chosen the 1490s.
Michael Scott: Ah.
Erin: 'Cause America was discovered.

Pam: Mm. [walks into bathroom to find Meredith using her breast pump] Meredith!
Meredith: I just like the way it feels.
Pam: What are you doing?!
Meredith: Just relax. Okay.
Pam: Relax?!
Meredith: This is like the Cadillac of pumps.
Pam: Give it back to me now.
Meredith: Okay, I was just warming it up.
Pam: It's- It's disgusting!
Meredith: It's not a big deal.
Pam: It's not sterile!
Meredith: We're both girls. Who cares?

Gabe: I should probably get involved in this, but I think my energy is better spent on the Cookie Monster issue.

Andy: Why would that be something to talk about on Secretary's Day?
Michael Scott: Andy, she's not the easiest person in the world to have a conversation with. All right? And besides, who doesn't tell their girlfriend that they were engaged to someone who works four feet away from them? That's like- That's like Mr. and Mrs. Smith crap.
Andy: I was going to tell her, just on my own time.
Michael Scott: You know what, I resent the implication that I would keep that secret. Everyone here knows that I can't and won't keep a secret.

Angela: You embarrassed me earlier.
Erin: Oh. Take it up with the chief of police.
Angela: You think I want people remembering I had sensual relations with Andy? It's the kind of thing you wish you could have annulled. I want to throw up just thinking about it.
Erin: I want to throw up just thinking about it.
Angela: You are throwing up for the wrong reasons!

Pam: Hey. You know I was engaged before Jim.
Erin: Really?
Pam: Yeah. And he worked here too.
Erin: [getting emotional] It was Andy, wasn't it?
Pam: No. No it wasn't Andy. It wasn't. It doesn't matter. It's not about who you've been with. It's about who you end up with. Sometimes the heart doesn't know what it wants until it finds what it wants.
Erin: I hope you find what you're looking for.
Pam: ... Thank you.

Gabe: Hey everyone. Hi. Quite an afternoon, huh? Cathartic in a way. I'm glad that I got to share it with you. It makes you think about what's really important. [Pam hands Jim a note] It's not about showing you're in charge or flexing some sort of authority. It's about forgiveness. And yes, I'm talking about you three in this desk clump right here. I think that, if you were to apologize to me, then I would revoke your suspension.
Pam: I don't think an apology is enough. I really think the only way for me to learn my lesson is to take my suspension.
Jim: And I got to take this bad attitude, and I got to go home, and I got to adjust it. And I hope the suspension does that.
Dwight K. Schrute: [gets up and walks over to Gabe] Prideful idiots. Watch how it's done. [Jim and Pam get their things together and start to leave] Gabriel, I apologize.
Gabe: Great.
Dwight K. Schrute: And I kneel before you.
Gabe: Guys, I would even take a contrite look as an apology.
Dwight K. Schrute: Humbly taking your hand upon which I kiss to show my contrition.

Kevin: [as Gabe] Uh guys, I'm now going to apologize for the mess that we're in because corporate told me to. I just want you to know that I laugh like a crazy person.
Gabe: Okay. You got to be able to laugh at yourself. I'm one of the gang.
Dwight K. Schrute: "I have to go back to the zoo to the stick insect exhibit."
Kevin: "Um, er, ciao." Right? "Ciao. I say Ciao because I'm fancy from Tallahassee."
Gabe: Why don't we say ciao to the impressions? [everyone says ciao]

[Jim, Pam, Phyllis and Oscar gather round Kevin's desk to watch a video he made of Oscar as Count von Count]
Phyllis: I don't get it.
Jim: Yeah, I mean, the Count has a very distinct voice.
Pam: Yeah. "I vant to count to ten".
Kevin: But Oscar is an accountant, and the Count counts numbers.
Kelly: But you're an accountant, too, so it doesn't-
Oscar: Why didn't you do Oscar the Grouch?
Pam: That would have been funny.
Kevin: But the Count is purple and Oscar wears purple.
Michael Scott: [walking up] Oh, oh, I was just watching that. Did you do that, man? "Oscar. I am the Count." Nailed him. Nailed him. [Gives Kevin a fist pump] Good work Cookie Monster.
Kevin: Thank you.

Gabe: Hello, everyone. If I might have a moment of your time. It's come to my attention that people have been watching and laughing at a hurtful parody video. It is now forbidden to talk, joke about, or e-mail this around.
Kevin: Yeah.
Gabe: And that's straight from corporate. So not to be scary, but yeah, I would listen to me. And that's all. Ciao.