Erin: Afghan president Hamid Karzai declared a new policy of dollar days throughout the country. Promising low, low prices on all 2012 Kia Sentras and Sonatas. "Aren't you glad you waited?", Karzai commented.
Darryl: Um, where did you get that story?
Erin: A little bit here, a little bit there. I bet you didn't think I knew current events.

Erin: I never really thought much about being more than a receptionist. But, why? Because I happened to answer help wanted ad to be a receptionist? I mean, what if the ad had been for a CEO? Or for a brain surgeon?

Creed: I wanna work with, uh, Jimmy Carter and help build gnomes.

Creed: The Taliban is the worst. Great heroin, though.

Nellie: When you use a ridiculous font, no one thinks you have a plan.

Darryl: Andy made me his consigliere. Which means Assistant Regional Manager. I guess he thought I'd be into The Godfather 'cause I'm black. Wrong! I'm into The Godfather 'cause I'm a cinephile. I like Scarface 'cause I'm black.

Nellie: Dwight, you will be participating.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, thank you.
Nellie: Participation is mandatory, Dwight. But you can choose whatever cause you like.
Dwight K. Schrute: Fine, I chose the Global Relief Foundation.
Nellie: Great, thank you.
Dwight K. Schrute: Which was recently discovered to be a front for the Taliban.
Nellie: Oh, for goodness' sake, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah. The Taliban in Afa-ghanistan.

Pam: I've been through several rounds of development with the team and here's where we stand with the chore wheel. We've got prizes! Ten bucks, candy bar, manager for an hour but, there are also penalties. Like, no internet, Stanley gets your lunch. The one thing that is not on the chore wheel is chores. But they were right; it's more fun this way.

Toby: I would love to give, uh-
Kevin: Heifer's International. Listen to this. They give a poor person like, a goat or something. It's a great prank.

Nellie: Dwight, what about you?
Dwight K. Schrute: I will not be participating as there is no evidence that charity works.