Michael Scott: It's like a time bomb...
Dwight K. Schrute: Shh.
Michael Scott: ...is ticking down. When it goes off, no more kissing. No more hugging.
Dwight K. Schrute: Just hush.
Michael Scott: Sexual time bomb.
Dwight K. Schrute: Just rock. Shh.
Michael Scott: [into recorder] Boner Bomb starring Jason Statham. Or we go against type with an Eisenberg or a Michael Cera.
Dwight K. Schrute: Movie idea?
Michael Scott: No. [into recorder] Saving the world has never been this hard.

Pam: Hey. How you doing?
Darryl: Thinking about my grandmother a lot.
Pam: Yeah.
Darryl: She was about to turn 97.
Pam: At least she lived a very long and I'm sure, a very happy life. Got you this card. When you're ready. We all signed it. We just wanted you to know we're thinking about you.
Darryl: Thank you. "Congratulations, Darryl. Let's get wasted." "Have fun today, big guy." "Aww, yeah. Party time. Whoo-whoop."
Pam: It's possible that some people thought it was your birthday.
Darryl: "Hooray. Live it up, big D. " "Days like this don't come often enough. Time to celebrate. You deserve this"?
[Dwight blows a party horn]
Andy: Birthday punches! [softly punching Darryl in the stomach] One, two, three, four, five...
Pam: I'm so sorry.

Jim: We decided to have a Valentine's day lunch and then that way we can spend the entire night with Cece and avoid the Valentine's day dinner thing. It's a whole thing.
Pam: [loudly] Yeah, lunch was wonderful!
Jim: Shh.
Pam: Um, there was an amazing buffet and there was a chocolate fondue... station. And what else was there?
Jim: Um, bottomless champagne.
Pam: Yes. Never found that bottom, did we?
Jim: No.

Jim: [on the phone] All right, I will fax over it to you. Whoop. I will fax it over to you. Okay. Thank you. [chuckles]
Dwight K. Schrute: [picking up the phone] Okay, my name is J-J-J-J-J-J Jim Halpert and I will fax it in to you... Under you. I'll fax it under you. Oh, excuse me. I just p-p-p-p-p pissed my pants. Not really. I didn't really.

Gabe: Seeing as it's Valentine's Day, I felt it would be apropos to have a little refresher course on romance in the workplace.
Michael Scott: Perfect. Yes. It is quite apro-propriate. Carry on.

Dwight K. Schrute: Michael. Confession: I have done PDA in the office.
Michael Scott: Thank you.
Dwight K. Schrute: I've had intercourse in the office.
Michael Scott: All right.
Dwight K. Schrute: As has Angela!
Angela: Dwight!
Dwight K. Schrute: As has Ryan. As has Kelly. As has Meredith. As has Phyllis. As has Darryl. As has Creed. [Creed smiles and nods] As has Michael and as has Holly.
Kevin: As has Kevin!
Angela: With who?
Kevin: She goes to another school.

Pam: Let me make something clear. Jim and I have never and will never have sex in the office.
Jim: No, because the office isn't what I'd consider a romantic place.
Pam: Besides, we have something those other people don't have, which is a home and a bed.
Jim: And a shower.

Gabe: No one is a bigger fan of sexual touching than me. But with you two, it's reaching the level of a complex. I can think of three explanations. One, you're taking MDMA. Street name, Ecstasy. I've done it, and I know the feeling.
Holly: No, I don't think so.
Gabe: Number two, you're desperately trying to fit in a whole relationship before Toby comes back from jury duty and Holly has to go back to Nashua. Or three, you're at an age where your sexual climaxes aren't as powerful so you need to overcompensate with foreplay, taboo behavior...
Michael Scott: Yes, it was that. It's that one.
Holly: Yes. Number three.

Michael Scott: Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make. As of today, officially, Holly and I are moving into together. Yay! [claps] Thank you. Thank you. Oscar, this must be tough for you, watching this go down. You could not stand in the way of true love, my friend!
Oscar: Are you kidding? I wasn't trying to break you guys up.
Kevin: Better luck next time, pal.
Michael Scott: Well, the point is, there will no longer be any need for PDA here at the office between us because, when we get home, we are going to make love to and with one another, and that, to me, is the best Valentine's Day present that a person could receive. So I bid you all adieu.
Holly: You do?
Michael Scott: I do.
Oscar: Go on, kiss each other already. [they kiss]
Kevin: Suck it, Oscar. This must kill you.
Oscar: I just told them to do it!

Gabe: What I do not approve of, however, is public displays of affection, or PDAs. PDAs are totally superfluous to a happy, healthy office romance. Perfect example. Look at Jim and Pam.
Pam: Yeah. What? Us?
Gabe: They don't touch. They don't kiss. You would hardly even know that they were husband and wife.
Jim: Did it! [high fives Pam]
Pam: Yeah!