Michael Scott: Okay. Fine. No more PDA.
Oscar: Good.
Michael Scott: You win. But here's what we are going to do. We are going to designate one of our closets as a hook-up zone.
Angela: No.
Michael Scott: Anything goes.
Oscar: Just leave it how you said...
Dwight K. Schrute: Michael, that's absurd. What if two couples want to go at the same time?
Michael Scott: Okay, then we have two closets. No, no, we're gonna have three closets, one for each base, no homers. Yes?
Dwight K. Schrute: And what is the hook-up zone policy on masturbation?
Michael Scott: Pro.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes!
Michael Scott: What? Problem solved.

Pam: That's weird. I mean, that's weird to have sex in the office. That's where you work, right?
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Pam: You know, you're in a meeting, and nobody knows that you've had sex there, except for you and him.
Jim: [snorts] Eww.

Erin: Don't mind us. You keep working.
Darryl: Okay. I'll keep working.
Erin: Oh, my God. It's a song.
Andy: Whoa.
Erin: What do you think is on it?
Andy: [softy] We should actually probably talk about it outside or we might make Darryl mad.
Erin: [softly] Not if we're talking like this. I think it's okay. He doesn't seem to hear us.
Andy: I think he can hear us.
Andy: [softly] That makes sense, 'cause I feel like I'd be able to hear us at this level.
Erin: Darryl.
Andy: Darryl is a jerk.
Erin: No, he's not.
Andy: No, I'm just testing if he can hear.
Darryl: I can hear you.
Andy: Oh. Okay.
Erin: Okay. Then no more talking. Let's just play the song.

Gabe: [singing on boom box] The temp at night. The temp at night. The temp at night. The temp at night.
Andy: The temp at night?
Erin: What do you...
Darryl: You got it. Pick it up. Take it out.
Andy: Pi-
Darryl: Pick it up.
Andy: Okay.
Darryl: Take it out. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Take it out.
Andy: Right. Okay.

Andy and Erin: [rushing out of Ryan's closet] Hey.
Andy: No time to chat.
Erin: Sorry.
Jim: Well, we were just looking for Ryan, so he's not here.
Ryan: Hey. You're looking for me?
Pam: Oh, yeah, we were. We were just looking to say hi. So hey.
Ryan: No, you weren't.
Pam: No, we weren't.
Ryan: You wanted to have sex in my office.
Pam: No.
Jim: Definitely not. That's disgusting.
Ryan: Uh, it's- It's cool. Just try to put everything back were you found it. Text me when you're finished. I'll be out here.
Jim: Hey, you don't have to...
Pam: That was so embarrassing. I'm gonna die.
Jim: That was really rough.

Erin: Oh. One Erin Special, please.
Hank: Here's your bottle of sparkling cider.
Andy: Hey.
Erin: [laughs] That's my favorite.
Hank: I'm now supposed to tell you to enjoy a mind-hunt break and look for a heart or some [bleep] in the break room when you're through.

Dwight K. Schrute: Kevin! Do more stupid faces.
Kevin: Which one? I have a lot of stupid faces.
Dwight K. Schrute: I don't know.
Michael Scott: Do the monkey face.
Dwight K. Schrute: Do the monkey face!
Michael Scott: I love that. I love that face.

[to Kevin as he does his "monkey face":]
Dwight K. Schrute: Good. He loves it. Good. Jump. Jump up and down.
Michael Scott: No. The monkey!
Dwight K. Schrute: Go back to the monkey!
Michael Scott: Don't do the squirrel. Throw your poop.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hurl your feces.
Michael Scott: That's good.
Dwight K. Schrute: Good.
Michael Scott: That's good. He's throwing it.
Dwight K. Schrute: They really do that.
Michael Scott: I know.

Erin: [at vending machine] B-9.
Andy: B-9.
Erin: Like a benign tumor.
Andy: Maybe it's just more like, "be mine."
Erin: Oh, yes. There's a note. "A little cookie for you, my miss. But the real treasure is your Valentine's kiss."
Andy: Hmm.
Erin: Hmm. Oh, so we're suppose to... Hmm [leans in to kiss Andy, Andy points to Gabe at the window, who is blowing Erin a kiss]

Kelly: Flowers, diamonds, three-course meal, violinist comes to my table to serenade me...