Pam: Andy, I am getting married in 8 hours.
Andy: Everyone else is too drunk. Just don't let me die here.
Pam: [on the phone] Hey, hey! Where are you? Can you take Andy to the hospital?
Jim: What?
Pam: He tore his scrotum dancing.
Jim: What?
Pam: He is in my room icing his balls.
Jim: What?
Pam: Please stop saying what.

Meredith: Crotch injuries are the worst. You don't need to tell me.
Andy: I wasn't telling you.
Meredith: Is there still something there?
Andy: Excuse me?
Meredith: It didn't get torn off?
Andy: No, it didn't- Nothing got torn off. Who told you that?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: I may have told some people that. I'm nervous. I'm about to get married.

Pam: Hey.
Jim: Wow. You look...
Pam: Terrible.
Jim: So beautiful. [Pam's starts to cry.] Hey.
Pam: My veil tore. I knew when we were getting married and I'm five months pregnant that I'm not going to be able to wear the dress that I always wanted or high heels,
Jim: Hey, you look just as I imagined you would. Pam, you're so pretty.
Pam: [sighs] Thank you.
Jim: And who cares? It's a stupid veil, right?
Pam: No, this was the one thing I was supposed to be able to control, was this veil and- [Jim cuts off half his tie]
Jim: There. Now we're even.

Oscar: What are you doing?
Kevin: [bouncing up and down] I'm trying to decide if I have time to pee.
Oscar: How long do you take to pee?
Kevin: The peeing is fast, Oscar. It's getting my tie back on.

Erin: Do you think they canceled the wedding?
Angela: Relax. You'll get your shot at Jim. Those two treat the whole office like a 1970's key party.

Meredith: Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. What is the etiquette on taking the gifts? Can you only take your own back or is it a whatever you can carry type of thing?
Stanley: Anyone have anything they want to trade for a toaster?
Kevin: Oh, oh, does it have slots for hot dogs?
Stanley: No.
Kevin: Who would want it?
Oscar: Guys, maybe we should wait a little more time before we start grabbing boxes.

[Dwight is wearing the Three Wolf Moon t-shirt]
Michael Scott: What are you wearing?
Dwight K. Schrute: What? It's a casual, social outfit.
Michael Scott: Looks like you're going to a fish fry, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: No. They're howling at the moon. It's suggestive to women because of the howling during sex.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Dwight K. Schrute: [howls]
Michael Scott: That's not appropriate.
Dwight K. Schrute: [howls]
Michael Scott: Uncool. Uncool, Dwight. [they both howl]

Stanley: If your hat hits me in the face one more time-
Phyllis: That's funny. Your wife loved this hat the last time she saw it. [glares at Stanley's date]

Pam: Oscar, Kevin, this is my sister, Penny. She's also my maid of honor.
Oscar: Pleased to meet you.
Penny: I'm sorry, it's Kevin. I thought it was Gil?
Kevin: She thought I was your boyfriend.
Oscar: You thought I was dating this? What the hell is wrong with you?
Pam: Oscar, it was an honest mistake.
Oscar: Him? Him?
Kevin: Oscar, I would be proud to date you.

Tom: Pam, you've got the greatest smile and you're body is really fine.
Pete: Smoking.
Tom: Hoping it'll make our wives take it up a notch.
Pete: A little mo' cardio.
Michael Scott: That's not appropriate.