Darryl: I've never been lucky. And I'm not talking about the lottery, I'm talking about stuff like developing a soy allergy at thirty-five. Who gets a soy allergy at thirty-five? And why is soy in everything?

Creed: I already won the lottery. I was born in the US of A, baby. And as backup I have a Swiss passport.

Dwight K. Schrute: What's the problem? Grunting is scientifically proven to add more power. Ask any female tennis player. Or her husband.

Kelly: I think I would keep working. And for my salary I guess I would take like a dollar a year. I mean, obviously I wouldn't come in till noon and I wouldn't do anything I didn't wanna do. I mean, I'm getting paid a dollar a year, okay? You can chill.

Toby: I would spend a lot of time launching my true crime podcast, The Flenderson Files. Dum-bum-buh. [whispers] Flenderson files.

Darryl: When did I get so fat?
Andy: You look awesome.
Darryl: I didn't hire anyone if that's why you're here.
Andy: Where are we in the process?
Darryl: I have a file of applicants here. I just gotta open it, look at it, interview a bunch of guys, hire some of 'em. So I'd say we're in the early stages of the process.
Andy: Did you go out celebrating with the guys last night?
Darryl: The guys did invite me out to celebrate but I decided to just stay home. Eat a bunch of tacos in my basement.
Andy: You do have a fantastic basement.
Darryl: I did. I did have a fantastic basement. Now it smells like tacos. You can't air out a basement and taco air is heavy. Settles at the lowest point.

Darryl: I didn't have time because of my daughter.
Andy: Oh, but you had time for a softball clinic and a Mediterranean cooking class.
Darryl: Hey, I'm not gonna tell you this stuff if you gonna throw it back in my face.
Andy: Hey. Here's the thing. Jo saw something in you. She loved you! She gave you a shot and then you stopped pushing. She noticed. [long pause]
Darryl: Okay.
Andy: Okay, what?
Darryl: Okay, don't fire me.
Andy: Okay.
[aside to camera:]
Darryl: My future's not gonna be determined by seven little white lotto balls. It's gonna be determined by two big black balls. I control my destiny. I do.

Andy: That is not Darryl. I don't know where Darryl is. I suspect, probably, our Darryl is inside of that Darryl.

Andy: Attention! Does anyone know anyone who could work in the warehouse? We can pay. Come on Oscar, who's the most jacked guy in all of Scranton? Like your wildest fantasy guy.
Oscar: Bulk or definition?
Andy: Definition.
Oscar: Bruce Kenwood. He hangs out at Plant Fitness.
Andy: Are those just show muscles? Or is he really strong?
Oscar: Oh, he's plenty strong.
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: It used to be Reggie Winters out at Gold's Gym. But he moved away. And then it was between Bruce and this guy Dean. Um, but Dean got fixated on his calves and uh, and his triceps went to hell.

Andy: Gideon. You are a PhD candidate studying America's diminishing blue-collar workforce?
Gideon: North America. And, diminishing is a little reductive, but, uh, sure. That's the headline version.
Andy: Great. Well, it'll bring a fresh new perspective to the warehouse.
Gideon: FYI, Wednesday through Friday I have a pretty full teaching schedule.
Andy: Eh, cool. We'll figure that out.
Nate: Also, FYI,I don't technically have a hearing problem, but sometimes when there's a lot of noises occurring uh at the same time, I'll hear 'em as one big jumble. Uh, again it's not that I can't hear, uh because that's false. I can. Um, I just can't distinguish between everything I'm hearing.
Andy: Got it. Duly noted. You! [points to Bruce] Coolest tank top I have ever seen. Where did you get that?
Bruce: Made it.
Andy: So cool! What a cross-section we have here. That's what I love about interviewing. I get to meet all these people I wouldn't ordinarily meet or know or even talk to.