Pam: We haven't told anyone I'm pregnant.
Jim: Well, with her being unmarried, knocked up by some guy, I mean the yakity-yaks in this office would have a field day.
Pam: Yeah, we don't want them at the wedding thinking Jim's being marched down the aisle by my dad with a shotgun.
Jim: Wait, there's not gonna be a shotgun?
Pam: Nope.
Jim: No shotgun? 'cause that changes everything.
Pam: Can't back out now, Halpert.
Jim: What are you gonna do about it? There's no shotgun, so... Free at last, free at last!
Pam: No, keep it up.

Michael Scott: Eric likes Megan.
Dwight K. Schrute: He most definitely does. He's been asking her out repeatedly for weeks. She finally said yes. They went out on a group date the other night; apparently it went very well.
Michael Scott: How do you know this?
Dwight K. Schrute: People tell me things. I guess I have a face you can trust. I think it's because of my low cheekbones.

Michael Scott: Wait, wait, hold, hold... So it is true?
Stanley: Yeah, but Michael, I'm going to go break it off. That's where I'm headed right now. I swear.
Michael Scott: Oh my God! Wait a second. Do people often say they're going on sales calls and then go someplace else? 'Cause that's not cool.

Kevin: I might have extra, it just depends on how many I eat.
Michael Scott: Did you hear about Angela? That's pretty weird.
Kevin: Yeah. What do you mean exactly?
Michael Scott: Well, the fact that she is apparently dating an 81-year-old billionaire. Owns a Quizno's on the turnpike.
Kevin: Really?
Michael Scott: Uh huh.

Erin: Kelly has an eating disorder?
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Erin: She always eats my lunch.
Michael Scott: Anorexia. She's an anorexatic.
Erin: We should do something.
Michael Scott: Nothing can be done. We just have to tell everybody and hope for the best I guess.

Oscar: What exactly is my responsibility here? To comfort insecure heterosexual men? That can't possibly fall to me.

Phyllis: How far along is Pam?
Meredith: A few months, that's why they're rushing the wedding.
Michael Scott: [whispering] Guys, guys... you can't believe everything you hear. Like Stanley, having an affair? That is crazy! It's just- There's no stock it. It's a weird day for false facts. Let it go.

Michael Scott: Okay everybody, big day. Last day for our interns, a lot of other stuff. Who knows what to believe? Dwight, the honors.
Dwight K. Schrute: Present these to the dean for credit. And, as a gift, I've attached my card. Call me any time of the day or night.
Eric: Why would we call you at night?
Dwight K. Schrute: Well now you can't call me at all. Problem solved.
Jim: You're gonna regret that when you find yourself between a moose and her cubs.

Angela: Did you know a baby conceived out of wedlock is still a bastard?
Pam: What?
Angela: Want me to say it again?
Pam: Why did that come into your brain?

Jim: Hey, has everyone heard a crazy rumor about themselves today?
All: Yes.
Michael Scott: [entering conference room] Yeah, yeah! You know what? Let's discredit these rumors.
Jim: Yeah, sure, but who's been saying all that stuff?
Michael Scott: That's not important, Jim. I just think we shouldn't listen to any of that crap.
Pam: Sure, but we should get to the bottom of this. Let's pick a rumor and trace it back to the beginning.
Kevin: I need to do mine first. Who's been saying that there's another person inside of me, working me with controls?
Creed: I heard that from Andy.
Andy: I heard it from Erin.
Erin: I heard it from Michael.
[Michael quietly backs out of the room]