Michael Scott: How do you un-tell something? You can't. You can't put words back in your mouth. What you can do is spread false gossip so that people think that everything that's been said is untrue, including "Stanley is having an affair." It's like the end of Spartacus. I've seen that movie half a dozen times, and I still don't know who the real Spartacus is, and that is what makes that movie a classic whodunit.

Michael Scott: Man, I know how you feel. Third wheel. I have been the third wheel so many times in my life. My mom told me something once that made me feel a lot better. She said "The third wheel is what makes it a tricycle."

Michael Scott: I hate, hate, hate being left out. Whether it's not being picked for a team, or being picked for a team and showing up and realizing the team doesn't exist. Or that the sport doesn't exist? I should've known. Poopball?

Creed: [to Jim & Pam] Hey, did one of you tell Stanley I have asthma? Because I don't, and if it gets out, they won't let me scuba.
[aside to camera:]
Creed: If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about? What am I working toward?

Jim: This is Parkour. Internet sensation of 2004. And it was in one of the Bond films. It's pretty impressive. The goal is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible, so technically they are doing Parkour, as long as point A is delusion and point B is the hospital.

Pam: This is the last day of our summer interns. It's been nice. We haven't had interns for a while, ever since Michael's Monica Lewinsky incident. He didn't do anything sexual. He just made far, far too many Monica Lewinsky jokes. It was just easier for corporate to shut down the program.

Michael Scott: Well, apparently, he and his wife were out dancing at a club for young people.
Phyllis: Teri's out of town, Michael.
Michael Scott: Who?
Phyllis: Teri, Stanley's wife. She's at an interior decorating expo in Philly. Stanley hates crowds, kids, and music. I think you should check your facts.

Michael Scott: So, what is the scuttlebutt? Anybody hear anything? Nothing? Well, I got a little something something. I don't know if I should say...
Pam: Just keep it to yourself then.
Michael Scott: Stanley is having a midlife crisis.
Dwight K. Schrute: Stanley's way past the middle of his life. Especially considering his height to weight ratio.

Michael Scott: But guys, I'm a victim here too, okay? People here have been saying that I'm a J. Crew model.
Angela: No. We heard that about Jim.
Michael Scott: Jim? No, no. I spread the rumor that somebody here was a J. Crew model, and I was referring to myself.
Angela: How is that a bad rumor?
Michael Scott: Because a lot of people think that models, even though they're very attractive, are somewhat vapid. It's set our industry back quite a bit.

Intern: There you go. Is there anything else I can do?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes. Um... See those files behind Kevin's desk?
Intern: Mm-hmm.
Dwight K. Schrute: Go put them all in random order.
Intern: Mm-kay.
Dwight K. Schrute: Then come back here for your next assignment concerning their order.