Toby: [to Phyllis and Stanley] What are you guys talking about? I have a daughter. How can I be a virgin?

Pam: Don't get on it.
Jim: Michael, don't.
Pam: Don't... get... on. Do not.
Jim: Michael!
Kevin: Stay.
Pam: Step away.
Creed: Come on, boss.

Michael Scott: Okay, I made it all up.
Andy: Even the fact that I'm gay?
Michael Scott: Yes.
Andy: Yes!

Kelly: Well then, what's the one true rumor?
Phyllis: We have a right to know.
Andy: Michael... am I gay?

Michael Scott: [sighs]The one true rumor, and this is going to ruin this person's life, is that...
Jim: [interrupting] That Pam's pregnant.
Angela: I knew it!
Kevin: I knew it! Her breasts were a tiny bit bigger. At first I thought "Oh, she has a new bra with padding." But then I thought "Pam doesn't need padding." It just didn't add up, Jim.
Jim: Okay. Thank you.
Phyllis: Congratulations!
Erin: That's really great, you guys.
Ryan: Don't vaccinate it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Who's the father?
Pam: Jim.
Creed: How far along?
Jim: Four months.
Creed: Who's the OB/GYN?
Pam: Stop. Don't.

Pam: You called Stanley's wife?
Michael Scott: Oh, oh. Yeah, a long time ago, just to make sure she was out of town. Oh... Oh, God.
Jim: Don't take it.
Michael Scott: No, I have to take it, or it'll seem suspicious.
Pam: If you talk to her, you're gonna tell her about Stanley, and that's gonna seem more suspicious.
Michael Scott: No, no, no. I can do this.
Jim: You can't do this.
Michael Scott: Yes, I can. I am going to tell her that I need to redecorate my condo, and I need her help. We will haggle about money, and then I will back down, and then I won't talk to her until this whole Cynthia thing has blown over.
Jim: That sounds terrible.
Pam: Michael, please don't.
Michael Scott: [picking up phone] Hey, what up, Cynthia?

Maurie: I learned that a company can describe their internship as "full of exciting experiences," even if that's a lie. There's no regulation.
Megan: I learned that half these people's email password is "password."
Eric: I learned that a ream of paper is 300 sheets.
Megan: I thought it was 500.
Eric: Oh... I guess I didn't learn anything.
Maurie: I learned that if you look even the tiniest bit like Jet Li, Michael will call you "Jet Li" all summer.
Megan: Julia Stiles.
Eric: Alan Thicke.

Andy: What?
Kevin: [giggling] Tea.
Andy: So?
Kevin: You would.
Andy: [laughing] I like tea!
Kevin: Oh, I bet you like it.
Andy: Hahaha! I like it a lot! I love tea!
Kevin: Do you like it as much as you like men's butts?
Andy: What?
Kevin: Because you're gay.
Andy: [serious] Who told you that? Was it Broccoli Rob? Someone from Chi Psi? Or did you run into someone from my high school?

Andy: This is not the first time rumors about me being gay have come up. Twice before, actually. Just a weird coincidence. A little too weird. [chuckles nervously] Almost makes you wonder if it's not a coincidence at all. Whoa! Which it is, of course. [long pause] But it makes you wonder.

Andy: Did you hear the rumor about me? That I'm gay?
Oscar: I did. Yes.
Andy: And?
Oscar: What?
Andy: Do you think it's true? Do you think that I'm... gay?
Oscar: Are you attracted to other men?
Andy: [scoffs and chuckles] No! But, let me kick you a scenario. I'm at, like, a beach cabana, and Brad Pitt approaches. He tries to lean in and kiss me. I would definitely resist, like at first. But if he was persistent... I might- I think I might give in a little bit, just to see what it felt like. Would I push him away? How hard? Like, what if he's like really aggressive?
Oscar: If you resisted Brad Pitt a little bit, he would still... need to get to you?
Andy: This is not real Brad Pitt, this is like, this is my fantasy. Or it's like, not a fantasy. It's what I'm- It's just a scenario.
Oscar: Wow. I wish- I wish I could help you. I don't- You might be gay. You might be gay.