Angela: My worst breakup was actually two breakups. Two different men. I was in love with both of them and when things went bad they had a duel over me.
Oscar: Yeah, Dwight and Andy. We were here.
Angela: No, this was years ago when I was living in Ohio. John Mark and John David.
Oscar: Angela, you had two sets of different men actually duel over you?
Angela: I guess I have. Huh.

Michael Scott: Alright, who's next? Where's Andy?
Oscar: He's on one of his honeymoons.
Michael Scott: What?
Oscar: He made non-refundable deposits on his honeymoons, so he's just knocking them off one at a time. I think today he's hot air ballooning and later he's got a couple's massage.

Michael Scott: I look around and I see all these beautiful people who are alone on Valentine's, and I think that there are other single people out there, too. We just need to find them. There's a girl out there for all of us, maybe even in this office park. There has to be a way to get all these lonely people together.
Dwight K. Schrute: A net? a giant net?
Michael Scott: No. Not a giant net.
Dwight K. Schrute: What do you have in mind?
Michael Scott: I was thinking maybe like a mixer.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, God, that's a terrible idea.
Michael Scott: Old fashioned meat market.
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Michael Scott: I don't think it is.
Dwight K. Schrute: Lonely people mixing with one another? Breeding? Creating an even lonelier generation? Ha. You're not allowing natural selection to do its work. Pssh. You're like the guy who invented the seat belt.

Michael Scott: So how you holding up?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm okay. Feel a little lopsided because of all the blood they took out of my right side.

Dwight K. Schrute: And the kind of discounts we're talking about are not- Hold on. Michael, why do you keep looking at the front door?
Michael Scott: No reason.
Dwight K. Schrute: Is somebody after you?
Oscar: Why do you always go to that? Has anyone ever been after anyone in this office?
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey, it just takes one!

Michael Scott: Nobody's after me. I just- I met a woman when I was giving blood and I thought she might come by.
Kelly: You met a woman when you were giving blood? That is so romantic.
Michael Scott: It's not a big deal really. I just, you know, met somebody, we hardly talked. I picked up her glove, so I was hoping I could give it back to her.
Kelly: Oh, my God. That makes it even more romantic. This is like a modern day Enchanted. It's like a fairy tale.
Meredith: She could be your soul mate.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, not likely. 3 billion woman on the planet, most of them live in Asia, so the numbers just don't add up.

Stanley: Pardon me. May I have a chocolate chip cookie? I gave blood earlier and I'm still feeling woozy.
Nurse: Of course. [noticing Stanley's arm] That's weird. You got a cotton ball and tape and we've been using Band-Aids.
Stanley: [backing away] I, uh-oh I feel so woozy I just... [to Phyllis] Band-Aids.
Phyllis: Oh, damn.

Michael Scott: Oh, look at that. Cupids and hearts. Really shoving our faces in it this year. You doing OK, bud?
Kevin: I miss Stacy.
Michael Scott: Yeah, I hear ya. It's been four months since I was with Holly, and she was way hotter then Stacy. So if you think you're hurting...
Kevin: I can't even imagine.

Pam: This is our first and only Valentine's Day as fiances.
Jim: You're only engaged once. Well, present company excluded, but...
Pam: Really, Jim? On Cupid's birthday?
Jim: Yeah. She's fine.

Kelly: So, I received my first Valentine from a secret admirer. [Kelly opens the envelope] Roses are red, violets are blue, it's time for your dental cleaning, and maybe a check-up too.