Michael Scott: Just about everyone in this office is single right now. Including me. And everyone is experiencing an incredible amount of emotional pain. Especially me, because of my great capacity for emotion. And it is my first Valentine's Day since Holly, so I think that I am well qualified to understand that these people need to be protected from having love shoved into their faces.

Michael Scott: Yes, um, Jim. Today is a very difficult day for a lot of people in this office.
Jim: Oh, I'm sorry.
Michael Scott: Yeah. And the sexy looks between you and Pam, the general sexiness, the flowers, it's creating a bit of a hostile work environment.
Jim: I understand that.
Dwight K. Schrute: So sexy it becomes hostile.
Michael Scott: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Uh, I actually thought we were keeping it pretty low-key.
Michael Scott: Well, if you guys insist on having your own private little love fest-
Jim: We do.
Michael Scott: -that none of us can be a part of-
Pam: You can't be a part of our relationship, Michael.
Michael Scott: -then, we, are gonna have our own private Valentine's Day party.

Michael Scott: Hey everybody, I just invited Jim to suck it, and I am cordially inviting all of you to a special convention, a lonely hearts convention, this afternoon. Singles only.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, deal with it Pam!
Michael Scott: So we may not have someone in our lives that we love, but we do have each other.

Phyllis: Hey, why don't you guys come have lunch with Bob and me? We'll take all afternoon. [whispering] Michael is terrified of bob.
Pam: What do you think?
Jim: I have a lot of work to do this afternoon. Those mines aren't gonna sweep themselves.
Pam: We're in.

Bob Vance: Everyone here who's bowled a 280 please raise your hand. [Bob raises his hand]
Jim: No way, a 280?
Pam: Wow, that's impressive.
Phyllis: Okay. Now everyone here who's bowled under 70 raise their hand.
Jim: Yikes.
Phyllis: Come on, Bob. Raise your hand. [Bob reluctantly raises his hand]
Jim: No. Bob, no. No!
Pam: What?
Bob Vance: One time. You love bringing up that one time, don't you?
Phyllis: Yes, I do.

Pam: Jim uses a 6 pound ball.
Jim: That is a lie. That is a lie.
Pam: Yes, he bowled 5 frames with this pink sparkly thing until a little girl had to ask for her ball back.
Jim: But! That girl must've had monstrous hands because the holes fit.
Pam: No, you just have little dainty fingers.
Bob Vance: Oh, yeah. You can always model ladies' jewelry.
Jim: Nobody asked, Bob! [laughing]

Kevin: My worst breakup was with Stacy. It was a Sunday morning, we were reading the paper, and I said, "Oh my God, I think the Eagles could clinch the NFC East!", and she said that we're done.

Dwight K. Schrute: I can untie any knot. I'm serious. Name a knot, any knot. Go ahead.
Woman: I- I- believe you.
Dwight K. Schrute: You shouldn't believe everything you hear. In fact, there are many knots that I cannot untie. So where does a woman as charming as yourself find herself employed on a day such as today.
Woman: Um, I work at a place that does catalogs for community colleges and small businesses.
Dwight K. Schrute: You must use a lot of paper.
Woman: Oh God, tons of it .
[Dwight pants]

Pam: What's the rule about eating when people are in the bathroom?
Jim: I think if you ordered hot food you're allowed to eat.
Pam: Oh, damn. [Pam looks down at her salad] They've been in there for like ten minutes.
Jim: Look at that. Bob ordered hot food.
Pam: Yes. And I think they gave him too many fries.
Jim: We should help him out. [Jim and Pam both take a French fry from Bob's plate]

Kevin: At the Circle Drive-In they show old movies. It's really cool.
Lynn: That does sound cool.
Kevin: I used to go there with my fiance. Before she left me. No, I mean, before I left her. She left me.
[aside to camera:]
Kevin: I think I blew it. It all happened so fast. So... fast.