‘Vive La Hecks’
Season 9, Episode 1 - Aired October 3, 2017
After Axl returns from his trip around Europe with a man-bun and a new, relaxed European outlook on life, Mike wants to push him to get a job. Sue is determined to cram as many summer activities as she can into the next days before she returns to college. Meanwhile, Brick decides to break up with Cindy so he can enjoy his "big sophomore year", and Frankie searches for a family item she can put in the Orson time capsule so the Hecks will be remembered.
Quote from Sean Donahue
Sean: Well, I guess I could share the news with you guys, then. I just found out I got off the wait list at St. Matthew's. So, looks like I'll be going to med school in your neck of the woods.
Frankie: Oh, congrats!
Sue: St. Matthew's? Really? That's practically on our campus. We share a bus stop and a 7-11.
Sean: I know! [chuckles] [both laugh]
Frankie: Aw, that's so nice. You'll be together! You two have always had a special connection. You're practically brother and sister.
Sean: Uh... yeah. Okay, I guess I can catch up with the Ax-man later. Good to see you, Mrs. Heck. And... Ms.
Q. [chuckles] I will see you on campus.
Sue: Not if I see you first! [chuckles] I don't know why I said that.
Quote from Axl
Frankie: Axl!
Mike: Whoa!
Frankie: What's going on?
Mike: Mercy!
Axl: Oh, my God. Relax. You Americans... you're so hung up on nudity. I could go to any beach in Europe like this.
Mike: Please do.
Axl: You know, I don't even sleep in boxers anymore. Dad, you should try it.
Frankie: Hey, I just got him to stop wearing socks to bed.
Quote from Sue
Frankie: Sue, Sue! I need you...
Sue: Sorry, Mom. No time. I got to lay in the sun. First half of summer, I forget sunblock and get burned, and then I peel in the second half... a.k.a. tomorrow.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Okay, guys, we really have to spitball on this 'cause it has to be something meaningful.
Mike: Frankie, we trust you. This is your thing. Whatever you come up with is gonna be great.
Frankie: Oh! What about our Tweety Bird sippy-cup? All the kids used it, and it has their little teeth marks in it. Oh, that would be cute.
Mike: Eh.
Quote from Axl
Axl: All right. That's it. No more laying around for me. I'm gonna go sit on the porch and watch people walk by.
Quote from Sue
Sue: Aww! That one looks like a dragon. [gasps] Pirate ship. Giraffe-dog!
Quote from Axl
Brick: Hey, Axl, can I get your opinion on something? So, I've decided to break up with Cindy.
Axl: Whoa! You sure about that?
Brick: Well, you know, sophomore year. The thing is, now that I've decided to do it, I'm not exactly sure how to do it.
Axl: Why break up? Just add on.
Sue: Bubbles!
Axl: You know, in France, they got a girlfriend for every day of the week. And they got more days there.
Sue: Bubble! Bubble! Bubble!
Brick: I don't think Cindy would go for that.
Axl: I don't know what to tell ya, bud. Just, uh, get 'er done. Grab Dad's stepladder, climb on up, look Cindy in her eyes, and tell her it's over.
Quote from Sue
Sue: [ice-cream truck jingle plays] [gasps] Yes! Nutty Buddy time. [gasps] Ow! Oh, oh! Stepped on a pricker bush. Wasn't on my list, but it could've been.
Quote from Axl
Axl: [sighs] I'm telling you, take a two-hour bath at least once a day. Nothing like a good, long soak. In other news, I may have clogged your drain. [shudders]
Mike: [sighs] You know what, Axl?
Axl: Dad, I know. I can see the way you've been looking at me ever since I came home. Got something you want to say, but you're holding back. And you don't have to say it. I know. I love you, too, papá. [chuckles] Mwah! Mwah!
Quote from Mike
Mike: Ah, good. We're drinking wine in the middle of the day.
Axl: It's called enjoying life, unlike Sue, who's working like a dog on a hamster wheel in a rat race to nowhere.
Mike: Don't say Sue's working too hard. I admire her for having a plan. I have plans, your mom has plans. Everybody has plans. We have a roof over our head because of plans. And I'll tell you something e...
Frankie: [kisses Mike to stop him talking] Welcome home, honey.
Mike: [sighs]