Brick: Now, what's the difference between extra strength and super... Whoa. Dad, I can see your elbows.
Frankie: [chuckles] I know. I don't believe it, either. It's your Dad's head, but it's like it's on another body.
Brick: Mind blown.
Mike: Relax. It's a shirt, people.
Brick: I've got to show this to Axl and Sue.

Axl: Hey. Check out this picture of my dad in a Hawaiian shirt.
Devin: Axl, I think we should break up.
Axl: He doesn't have to wear it all the time. Wait, are you serious?

Bill: Hey, Hawkeye. Where's Trapper John?
Frankie: [laughs] I already used that one.
Paula: What about Tom Selleck? Have you done that?
Frankie: I knew I was forgetting one.
Bill: So, you about to crack the big case, there, Magnum? [laughter]
Mike: That's big talk from a guy who likes crepes.
Bill: Okay, you need to get over your fear of sauce, man.
Mike: Never.

Frankie: Okay, so, listen. I have two coupons, but the thing is, you can only use one per table. So, here's the plan. We're gonna pretend like we were sitting separately and we just ran into each other, and so now we're combining our two tables.

Frankie: [to the waiter] So, listen, we were sitting separately, but now we're gonna sit with our friends, who we just ran into, but you should consider it two separate tables for anything that might happen later.
Bill: Yep, yep. Separate tables. 'Cause we came here by ourselves and then just happened to run into these good people right here. There was no prior communication, even with all the devices that are available today. I don't even have an iPad. I don't even know why you would even need one. And an iPhone? Well, I think that's just kind of a waste of money, if you ask me. Not that we're the kind of people that are pinching pennies, 'cause we're doing great. Hey, can we please get that bread basket?
Mike: Remind me... we need to play poker.

Frankie: Okay, so does everybody know what they want? Ooh! I might order a piña colada.
Bill: Ooh. Do you like piña coladas, Mike?
Paula: Getting caught in the rain? [both chuckle]
Mike: Ah, yeah. You know, there are about a million other things in the world we could be talking about. Football, baseball, tennis, if you're desperate, which I am.
Bill: Right, right, right. Okay. Well, you got the Colts. You know, got that new running back. So it should really be a good year. I think... I'm sorry. I can't think of anything but the shirt.
Paula: Hey, come on. We really should give Mike a break. We'll do four more minutes on the shirt, then we'll move on. [Frankie laughs]

Frankie: [v.o.] So, after 3,000 flushes with no results, Brick turned to where every kid goes when he needs guidance... YouTube.
Randy Poteat: [on video] Hey, y'all. I'm Randy Poteat of Tahlequah, Oklahoma, and I'm gonna show you how to properly clean a bathroom.
Woman: [o.s.] [on video] Randy, dinner!
Randy Poteat: [on video] I'm making another video for the YouTube! Uh-oh. This here is mildew, the enemy of every bathroom.
[later, as Brick uses a brush on the tiles:]
Randy Poteat: [on video] While cleaning, you may discover loose grout. Loose or flaking grout must be replaced. Ignoring this step could lead to... black mold. To learn more about replacing grout, go to lesson three.
[later, Brick uses a screwdriver to chip away at the grout:]
Randy Poteat: [on video] While removing this grout, you may identify some loose tiles. Uh-oh. [tiles clink] To repair loose tiles, go to lesson four.
[later, Brick is wearing goggles as he hits the tiles with a hammer. Most of the tiles suddenly fall off in one motion. Brick places his hammer down, stands up and cloes the shower curtain.]

Frankie: I'm sorry, those were legitimate coupons. They should have honored them. We could have been sitting at separate tables. They don't know. I'm telling you, it's Bill who blew it. He shouldn't have jumped in. I had this thing. We were golden. You know, people who have no community-theater experience should just leave this kind of stuff to the professionals. He owes us 10 bucks.

Frankie: Personally, I like Hawaiian Mike. I just want to understand Hawaiian Mike. Walk me through the process. You're going through your shirts... Plaid, plaid, plaid, plaid, plaid... Hawaiian! I got to ask... It's been hanging in your closet for years. Why today?
Mike: Look, I'm not gonna walk you through the process 'cause there is no process. I looked in the closet. I thought the shirt might be fun... Boy, was I wrong about that... and I put it on. But don't worry, 'cause I'm never gonna wear the stupid thing again.
Frankie: Now, why would you say that?

Frankie: What? No, no. Not Mike. He hates different. Besides, it was just the one shirt, and he's not even wearing it anymore.
Nancy: I am just glad that you and I are okay. Whew! That is a weight off.
Frankie: No, we're fine. Like I would ever have a party without you. You bring all the good food!
Nancy: [laughs] Frankie. Well, I got to run. Ron has an exhibition at the dojo. He's never gonna beat that 12-year-old. Her hands are like lightning from being in that wheelchair.