Mike: Okay, look, you know things have been tight lately. I had a bread-heel sandwich for lunch. Are you really this angry about this?
Bill: Yeah. It's kind of a big deal. That's all.
Mike: Okay, how about I split the 80 bucks with you?
Bill: [laughs] That ship has sailed, Mike. But I'm sure if you saw that ship coming down the street, you'd flag it down and ask it to fix your plumbing!
Frankie: Hi, Bill.
Bill: Hey, Frankie. How are you? Nice... Nice top.
[After Bill walks away from the front door, Mike follows Frankie into the kitchen]
Mike: You're not gonna believe this. Bill's mad I used his plumber.
Frankie: Really?
Mike: [imitates Bill] "You used my plumber, Mike." "There's a way of doing things, Mike." "Yeah, I'm upset about it. Yeah. I make a big deal out of small things. Yeah." [Bill clears his throat] Oh. Hi.
Bill: Like to imitate people, Mike? I can imitate people, too. "Hey, I'm Mike Heck. I like to flag down other people's plumbers. I'm too cool for sunglasses." Hurts, doesn't it?

Sue: Mm! I just love picnics. They're so all-American. You just make some potato salad, grab your blanket out of the oven, and go.
Frankie: I know, right? Dad doesn't get it.
Sue: What's not to get?! It's like the world is your television set.
Frankie: That's what I said! So, tell me about school. What's the haps?
Sue: Well, the bathroom near my Spanish class went co-ed, so now I have to rush my poops.

Hudson: We're new to Orson. How about you guys?
Frankie: Oh, no. [chuckles] We're old-timers. Well, I'm an older-timer than her. She's my daughter.
Hudson: Oh, come on. You must be sisters.
Frankie: [laughs] Well, I did have her very young. And I drink a lot of water. Well, not water, really. Pop. But that's got water in it. Anyway...

Frankie: Okay, you know what? We're just trying to enjoy our thing, and for you to come and sit on our blanket, that... that's just weird. Next time, just bring your own blanket and sit on it. I-I don't mean that in a Happy Days way. Not like, "Sit on it!" Just... sit on your own blanket. I'm trying to be polite but firm.
Hudson: We thought you were part of the group.
Frankie: What group?
Liam: The singles event.
Frankie: [laughs nervously] Oh, well, that's much less inappropriate, then. Oh. Uh... Please accept this frosting as a little "my bad" gift. [chuckles] And we will just scooch our blanket out of range. Okay. Good luck.

Mike: Listen to this. So, I'm at the hardware store just now. I see Bill. He didn't even wave at me.
Frankie: Did you wave to him?
Mike: No. I don't wave at him. It's... not our relationship. Oh, great. Now I'm calling what we have a relationship. Now I'm calling it "what we have." What's happening?!
Frankie: What do you mean, you don't wave to him?
Mike: He waves, then I nod. That's what we do.
Frankie: So did you nod?
Mike: No, I didn't nod... because he didn't wave. He waves, I nod. He failed to initiate the sequence, not me.
Frankie: Seems complicated.
Mike: I think we're in a fight... Only, it's kind of a girly one. And I'm not too thrilled with Ron Donahue, either... clucking like a hen, telling Bill he saw his plumber coming over to me.
Frankie: Yep. You're in a girly fight.

Mike: Who's Hudson? And why are you in a picture playing Frisbee with him? And what's it mean, "Let me know if your status changes"?
Frankie: [laughing] Oh, my God. Aah! Sue, come here! [laughs] Look, look, look.
Sue: [laughs] Oh, my God.
Frankie: Look at that. Okay. Somebody picked us up at our picnic yesterday. Yeah. Somebody still wants to "hit this". And I wasn't even wearing those underpants. Boop, boop, boop!
Mike: Hitting my thigh. And if I'm not waving, I'm sure not dancing.
Frankie: Things happen when you leave the house, Mike. It's called life!

Frankie: Okay. You don't have to tell me. I'll just guess. I'll go through the alphabet. Ah, aah... Arnie? Buh, buh...
Brian? Cah? Duh? Eh? Fruh? Guh? [gasps] You blinked on Guh.
Sue: It's not Guh.
Frankie: Then why did you blink? Because I had to blink. Greg? Guy? Guy? Ooh! Is he French?
Sue: Mom, cut it out! And please don't tickle me again. I have to pee a little, and I really like this comforter.
Frankie: Sue, you tell me everything. You can't just cut me off cold turkey. Just give Mama a little taste, and then I will be on my way.
Sue: I need you to respect my privacy here. [Frankie sighs] It's personal, Mom. I know you can understand that. Hmm?
Frankie: Yeah. Okay. Sure. Okay. [deep voice for sock puppet] Hey. Is the nosy mom gone? It's just the two of us now. You can tell me. [normal voice] Huh? Used to work when you were little. I thought I'd give it a try. Door open or closed? Okay, closed.

Axl: Hey, man, have you seen Brick? I... can't find him anywhere.
Hudson: Oh, he's fine. I saw him doing a Scottish rap. Now he's in the back, talking to some people.
Axl: Wha...
Brick: [to a group of college students] So, the whole joke rests upon the premise that the guy's mother is ugly enough to be confused with a zoo animal and that if she had a ticket to get out of the zoo, they would just let her out!
Roger: If the mother looks like an animal in the first place, she wouldn't need a ticket to get in. They'd just shoot her with an elephant gun and stick her in a cage.
Brick: Thank you! [scoffs]

Axl: Want to get rid of everybody? Tired? What's your bedtime now? 7:00? 8:00?
Brick: You keep forgetting I'm not a kid anymore. I've got a girlfriend. I've pulled a prank with my mom and dad. You don't think I can par-tay? [scoffs] I can par-tay har-tay.
Axl: Don't say "par-tay." Or "har-tay." Also "membrane." It skeeves me. It's the reason I'm not a doctor.

Frankie: What is wrong with you?
Mike: Can you tell me quietly? The TV's on.
Frankie: I just got off the phone with Paula. She said Bill is beside himself. You ran over his oranges?
Mike: I was just driving. He's the one that lost control of his oranges.
Frankie: Well, Paula said that Bill said you intentionally drove over his oranges and you gave an evil smile while you were doing it.
Mike: I didn't give an evil smile.
Frankie: You're giving one right now. He is really mad at you, Mike.
Mike: That's his problem. I got no problem.