Frankie: Oh, you got a big problem, buddy. We don't have so many friends that we can just let them go willy-nilly. You think the Donahues are gonna take our side on this? They're all we've got. And we do nothing for them. We're like the little birds on the back of a hippo picking the bugs off, and you are really messing with that now.
Mike: Why are you in such a bad mood?
Frankie: [sighs] I'm losing Sue.
Mike: What?
Frankie: She won't tell me who she likes. She won't even tickle-tell me. She used to tell me everything, and now she doesn't want my advice at all.
Mike: Well, that's not your problem. That's her problem. You're making her problem your problem. That's your problem.
Frankie: [scoffs] You're my problem.

Brick: Axl, this is my last chance to spend time with you at college. Please!
Axl: Ugh! Why do you idolize me so much? Why am I so amazing? All right. Fine. The agricultural students usually have something going on in one of their birthing barns. It's like a party in a barn. It's called a barty.
Brick: You're on me for "par-tay," but "barty" is okay?
Axl: I didn't name it, Brick.
Brick: Ehh.

Frankie: Hey, there. Who you texting?
Sue: Just Lexie. I'm letting her know I'm gonna take a shower, and then I'll leave here in about an hour, and then she'll know I'll be there in 46 minutes... 42 minutes to get there and then a four-minute window for extra padding, and then if I'm not there, she'll call the police.

Brick: So, what's next on our agenda?
Axl: Oh, my God! There's nothing left! We spit off the clock tower, we got in a tater tot fight in the cafeteria, we partied with farmers, we watched a lamb get born. I'm just gonna lay my face down on this pancake like a pillow. Ooh! [snaps fingers] Wait a minute. Pancake pillow. Write that down. We're gonna be rich. [splat] Ahh.
Brick: You know, Axl, I want to thank you. You really showed me a great time.
Axl: Yeah, you know, it turned out to be more fun than I thought. Oh, hey! Look at this. Eat while you sleep. Now we just got to use science to figure out how big a pancake to cover a typical night's sleep. What is that... like, 13 hours? [Brick laughs]

Brick: What I'm saying is, go out and get yourself a bookmark.
Axl: But I don't want a bookmar...
Brick: [bangs table] "Bookmarks" equals "girls"! I'm talking about girls! Go get one before it's too late! What are you waiting for?!
Axl: Huh. It's either my lack of sleep or you're starting to make some sense here, Brick. You know, Brick, you're really growing up. I mean, we both are. We're men. [pounds table] We're Heck men. [pounds table] It's up to us to carry on the Heck name.
Brick: Yeah. I guess it is.
Axl: So, now I'm gonna take your advice. I'm gonna go get me a bookmark... the girl kind. [Axl walks out of the diner]

Mike: What's the problem?
Bill: Battery's dead. Need a jump?
Mike: I got cables.
Bill: That'd be great. [trunk lid closes]
Frankie: [v.o.] It's a funny thing about guys. They don't apologize or hug or rehash what went wrong. Guys mend fences the way guys do... with jumper cables.
Bill: Nice cables.
Mike: Thanks. They're 18-footers.
Bill: Hey, did you hear the one about the guy who tried to get into a nice supper club, but he didn't have a tie, so he used jumper cables? The maître d' said, "I'll let you in, but, uh, don't start anything."
Mike: [chuckles] Yeah. You don't have to worry about me poaching that one.

Mike: Oh, hey, Bill. How you doing?
Bill: Good. I'm good. I'm doing good.
Mike: Good.
Bill: Yeah. So, um, just talked to Ron Donahue. He said, uh, he saw my plumber going into your house?
Mike: Oh. Yeah. Remember that pipe busted a month ago? It was still giving me trouble, but Herb fixed it up great.
Bill: Oh. Okay. So you made an appointment with Herb, and then he came out?
Mike: No... I saw him leaving your house, and I just flagged him down.
Bill: That the way you hire people now, Mike? You flag 'em down?
Mike: Well, he was done at your house.
Bill: You poached my plumber!
Mike: Aw, come on!
Bill: Come on, where? Where? To a place where it's okay to poach other people's plumbers?

Mike: Look, he was off the clock.
Bill: There's a way to do things, Mike. You look at the magnet on the fridge, and you call the plumber. That's it. That's why they give you the magnet. Not so you can hold up your kids' artwork. They don't care about your kids' artwork!
Mike: I think you're overreacting.
Bill: Did you pay him the $80 service fee to come out here?
Mike: No. He was already here.
Bill: Yeah... 'cause I already paid the 80 bucks!

Frankie: Hey, that Liam was really cute. Maybe he'll text you.
Sue: I don't know. I kind of like someone else.
Frankie: [gasps] You do?! Shut the door. Let's dish. So, who do you like? What's his name? Where's he from? Is he short? Is he tall? Is he too tall? There's such a thing as too tall.
Sue: Look, Mom, I don't even have any reason to believe that he likes me, so I don't really want to talk about it.
Frankie: You know what I'm hearing? That you want to tell me but you're afraid to.
Sue: That's not what I'm saying at all.
Frankie: Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tickle, tell me! [tickles Sue]
Sue: Aah! Aah! Aah! Mom! Stop! Stop! Stop!