Brick: 5 seconds.
Sue: "So in conclusion... I love America." [dial tone drones] Okay. [gasps] Wait! "Fluent in teen speak." That was the "Fl..." I should be a Junior Peer Leadership Adviser because I am fluent in teen speak!

Student #2: Bro! There's a keg of... [sees Mike and Frankie]... ice cream in room 321.
Axl: Oh, it's on! I'll see you later. Bye!
Frankie: Wait. Wait. Wait! Where's he going? I thought we would swing by the bookstore and let him pick out a t-shirt and take him to dinner.
Mike: Come on, Frankie. Time to go.
Frankie: You know, are you sure that party wasn't for the whole family? 'Cause I think he looked at everyone when he said it.

Axl: [o.s.] Where were you?! I'm starving! There's, like, nothing in the cabinets.
Mike: Axl? What are you doing here?
Axl: We're having a luau in my room tonight, and I forgot my guitar, so I quick swung back to get it. Oh, come on! You didn't supersize the fries? What is wrong with you people? Oh, and, Mom, seriously, you've got to go shopping.
Frankie: Oh, God. He's only 42 minutes away.
Mike: [chuckles] Yep.

Frankie: Well, they're gonna have to call you on the road, then, because this is an iconic moment, and we are all taking Axl up to school.
Sue: Mom! What did you even get him a car for if we all have to drive him?
Frankie: He left it up there at Orientation. And I don't have to explain anything. We're all taking your brother to school!

Frankie: Hey, Mr. McCoy! Taking my oldest to college. [the man keeps walking] An iconic moment, huh? It just goes by so... Okay. Have a great day.

Frankie: Well, this shower caddy has rubber on the bottom, and this one does not have rubber. But I like the heft of the handle. Okay, pretend you're walking down the dorm hallway to the shower. How you feelin'?
Axl: Awkward, 'cause my mom is walking me to the shower.
Frankie: Oh, what the hell? Let's splurge on the rubber. My kid doesn't go to college every day. [to another customer] My boy's going to college. Ooh! No-fog mirror. You're gonna want this for shaving. Oh! Can you believe you shave? Mwah! Oh, shower radio! These are still fun, right?

Frankie: Wow, guys. This might be the last time we're all in the car together as a family. Hey, you want to play a car game?
Mike: 42 minutes away, Frankie.
Frankie: Yeah. No, no, no. This'll be fun. Everybody come up with their- their top 10 favorite Axl memories.
Axl: Better plan: six blocks away, you slow down, and I'll roll out.

Sue: [gasps] Aah! This could be it! This could be it right now! [answers phone] Hello? It's not it. It's Brad. Cami Carfino-- out. Merilee Turner-- out. Thanks, Brad. [hangs up] Okay, that leaves me, Nancy Seifried, and Karen Frick. Karen's still a threat because she was really good in Our Town. But Nancy has used foul language on several occasions, so I think I still have a shot.
Axl: Ah... so boring!
Sue: Drive faster.

Brick: You said I can only call friends and family. I don't have any friends, so I'm calling Grandpa Tag.
Mike: No! Do not. Do not call grandpa-
Brick: Hi, Grandpa Tag! [to Mike] He wants to talk to you. [Mike gestures to Frankie] Hang on. Dad's making all these weird gestures.
Mike: I can't talk, Brick. I'm- I'm driving.
Sue: I'll talk to him.
Brick: Oh, that's okay. Maybe the phone mom got me has some speaker.
Mike: No! Do not, Brick. Do not put Grandpa Tag on-
Tag: Hiya, Mike!
Mike: Hey, Tag! Hey, listen, we're-- We're- We're driving Axl up to college. I should probably concentrate on my driving.

Frankie: [cellphone rings] Okay, whose phone's ringing?
Brick: Uh, it's not mine. Mine's lost.
Frankie: Brick!
Mike: Seriously? You just had it a second ago.
Brick: I know. Weird, right?