‘The Drop Off’
Season 5, Episode 1 - Aired September 25, 2013
Although Axl was hoping for a quiet getaway with Mike, Frankie is determined that the entire family will drop Axl off at college. Meanwhile, Sue waits to hear whether she will be a mentor again this year, and Brick is given a new cellphone to keep in touch with his brother.
Quote from Axl
Frankie: I think it might've gone under the seat. Brick, look under the seat.
Brick: Hey, there's money down here. Look, I found a quarter.
Axl: That's mine! All of it's mine! Empty out your pockets. I want it all.
Quote from Brick
Mike: Can we just call it? Can someone call the damn thing?
Frankie: We didn't write down the number.
Brick: Oh, wait. I see something. Never mind. It's just half a squirrel. Top half, everybody.
Quote from Brick
Brick: Well, so much for the phone. Guess I wasn't ready. You think your parents will know when you're ready for things and when you're not, but... I guess that's not the case. Clearly, there was a big misjudgment here. And thank God it wasn't over something more dangerous.
Quote from Mike
Sue: We're working with "Fl..." people.
Frankie: "Flood of sunshine."
Brick: "Flan."
Axl: "Flamingo."
Mike: Now you're just saying words.
Quote from Axl
Frankie: Okay, we need cash. Who has cash? I spent all mine at Bed Bath And Between.
Mike: I'm out of cash, too. How about a credit card?
Frankie: Uh, no. No, definitely not that one. Okay, what are we gonna do?! We need money! [they look at Axl]
Axl: Oh, my God. Seriously?
Frankie: Come on, we know you got laundry quarters, Axl. Cough 'em up.
Axl: Ugh! Fine! But this is going on your tab, with interest, whatever that is.
Quote from Mike
Frankie: It's you, Mike.
Mike: Me? Who the hell calls me? [answers phone] Hello? Yeah, this is "Dad." You don't say? This guy found Brick's phone.
Frankie: Oh.
Mike: Yep, I know where that is. Be there in 20 minutes. [hangs up]
Axl: No! No! We need to be moving forward, not back what-- why are you doing this to me? I know I'm the only thing in the house that brings you joy, but you've got to let me go!
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Oh! Thank you so much! See, we're on our way to take our oldest to college. He's going to East Indiana State. So we got my other son a phone 'cause, you know, brothers want to keep in touch. [Axl shepherds Frankie back into the car] But thanks, anyway. We really appreciate it. We got to get going.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: [v.o.] So after picking up Brick's phone... multiple bathroom breaks including one stretch of highway where there was no bathroom... we completed the 42-minute drive... in five hours.
Mike: Well, this is it. This is gonna be your home for the next four years.
Axl: [student vomits] Awesome!
Quote from Frankie
Axl: Okay, well, this is it. Oh! You're coming in? Why? Why are you coming in?
Frankie: Axl, we've got to get you set up.
Axl: Boom! Set up.
Frankie: Oh, this must be your roommate. You must be Kenny. Hi, we're Axl's parents. [Kenny continues playing his game] Hi, we're the Hecks: Frankie, Mike, Sue, and Brick. Well, he seems nice.
Brick: Yikes. Axl has to live here? It kind of smells. [whispers] Yikes.
Frankie: It smells fine, Brick. Sue, get off the phone and help me put this on. Honey, just grab that corner.
Sue: Fine, fine.
Mike: Okay, parenting over. Let's go.
Frankie: Mike, we got to get him set up.
Mike: Do we?
Quote from Frankie
Student: Hey, dude! Is that a palm tree?
Axl: [laughs] Yeah, and sand!
Student: Dude's got a palm tree! Party room! Whoo!
Frankie: Party and study room!