Mike: All right. Ready to dump this kid?
Frankie: He didn't get anything from the list, Mike. Even though he said he had it covered, apparently, it's not covered. So now we're just gonna have to quick swing by Bed Bath And Between on our way to the college.
Axl: No. No swinging by. I just want to get there!
Frankie: Axl, I am not sending you to school with a palm tree and a bag of sand. People will think you have lazy parents. [off Axl's look] Well, they don't need to know that.

Saleswoman: Well, you two look stumped. Anything I can help you with?
Frankie: Yes.
Axl: No.
Frankie: My oldest here is headed to East Indiana State. We are so proud. And the best part is, he got a scholarship.
Axl: I'll be at checkout.
[As Axl hops on the shopping cart as he rolls away, he hits his head on a sale sign and falls to the ground while the cart crashes into the end of the aisle]
Frankie: Not academic.

Mike: You really think Brick is responsible enough to have a cellphone? Why don't you throw it in the garbage right now?
Frankie: He's fine. He's way better than he used to be. He's gonna miss his brother. He needs to text him. Besides, he's gonna be in middle school this year. I need to be able to keep track of him. You know how he wanders.
Mike: Well, which is it: he's responsible or he isn't?
Frankie: [sighs] I don't know, Mike! But he's gonna love me a whole lot if I give him his own phone, and I need that right now. Hey, Brick. Look! We got you your own phone.
Brick: Oh? Wow. Thanks. [drops the cellphone on the ground and walks away]

Tag: Hey, Axl, did you cash in on that Franklin Huntington bond we set up for you?
Axl: What?
Tag: The savings bond Grandma and I got when you were born, so you'd have a little spending money. I mean, that thing's got to be worth-
Frankie: Okay, Dad, we just hit a deer! We got to go! [hangs up]

Frankie: Calm down. It's all gonna come back to you eventually. It is all clearly spelled out in the Death Napkin.
Sue: [gasps] Aah! La la la la la la la la! How come every time we get in this car, we end up talking about the Death Napkin?!
Axl: Well, I'm sick of carrying you people. When we get there, it's done. The cash cow's leaving. So good luck surviving on your own. Wasting my hard-earned money on stupid stuff...
Frankie: Oh, yeah? Who bought you the cool shower shoes you love so much, huh?
Axl: I did! I bought them! I bought all of this. You-- fine. I'm eating all of the snacks out of the snack bag. Give me that. I paid for it.

Brick: In fairness to mom, you really never should've trusted her to fax it in the first place. I mean, face it. She's not the most responsible.
Frankie: Look, we can fix it. We'll fix this. I-I still have it in my purse. Maybe there's a Kinko's nearby and we can fax it now.
Sue: Ooh! Ooh! That's a good idea.
Axl: No! No Kinko's! The only "K" place we're going is college! Wait a minute.

Frankie: Axl, get back in the car!
Axl: No! I'm walking to college. It'll be faster.
Frankie: You are not walking to college. We're taking you. Do I seriously need to explain to you what an iconic moment is?
Sue: Axl, stop fooling around and get in the car. We only have 15 minutes to try to find a Kinko's and get my essay faxed.
Axl: Nope. I got my palm tree. I got my quarters for laundry. I'll see you in five years.

Axl: This is kidnapping. I've been kidnapped, and I'm probably gonna have to pay my own ransom.
Mike: I hate to tell you, you weren't even walking the right way.
Frankie: Look, we are just gonna quick swing by a copy place, fax Sue's essay, and we're off to college lickety-split.
Axl: Ugh! No more swinging by stuff. I got to get there first, or my roommate'll get the bigger bedroom.
Mike: [to Frankie] Don't tell him. It'll be fun to watch his face.

Sue: No. No. No. No! No, no, no! It's ruined!
Frankie: What?
Sue: [gasps] The whole second page is ruined. It's- It's... look, it's all smeared! What did you have in your purse?
Frankie: Nothing.
Sue: Wh- [sniffs] It smells like how I always imagined Hawaii would smell.
Frankie: [to Mike] What'd I tell you?
Sue: Oh, God. Oh! Your purse freshener spilled all over my paper!
Frankie: Okay, okay. Let's not panic. You can re-create it. Just try to remember what you said and write it down.
Sue: I don't know what I said! Okay, the first page is all about who my role models are Sheryl Sandberg, Hermione, blah, blah, blah.

Sue: And then at the bottom of the page, it says, "...but the main reason I will be a great Peer Leadership Adviser is I'm...". Blur. Big blur! [gasps] Oh, wait. Oh! I think that's an "F." Ooh! "F-A." Oh, no, no, no! It's an "L"! It's an "L"! Look! Oh, okay. "Fl..." "Fl..." Help me out here, people!
Brick: Um... "Fluorescent."
Frankie: "Flashy."
Axl: "Flude."
Sue: Uh, "Flude" isn't even a word.
Axl: Okay, it's an adjective. My bad. Whatever.
Frankie: "Flamboyant."
Axl: Hey, this is kind of fun. I like this game. It's like Mad Libs, except it's Sue Libs. "Pathetic," "Dork."