Sue: Whoo! What a game. I mean match. I learned that one halfway through. I have to replace my electrolytes. You are looking at the newest member of the Orson High tennis team.
Frankie: You made the tennis team?
Sue: Well, I didn't "make it," per se. The coach thought I was on the team. I tried to tell him that I wasn't, but then he realized that he didn't have enough players, so without me, they would have lost the match.
Mike: So you won?
Sue: Oh, God, no. On the last point, I hit what my coach called a "very weak lob," and my opponent hit what he called a "blistering overhead smash."
Frankie: Is that how you hurt your face?
Sue: No. A bird flew in the bus window on the way home. I never saw it coming. Beaks are sharp.

Frankie: All right, just a heads-up, the finale of The Bachelor is on tomorrow night. So if you want dinner, you're gonna have to drive and get it yourself.
Mike: Okay.
Frankie: Hey, if you wanna take me on a romantic helicopter ride over a volcano in Hawaii, be my guest. Until then, this is my escape.
Mike: I thought The Oscars were your escape.
Frankie: I have a lot to escape from, okay?

Frankie: Hey, Brick, listen-
Brick: Yeah, I know. The Bachelor.
Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, everybody knew that when The Bachelor was on, I was 100% focused.
[montage of the kids approaching Frankie while she watches TV:]
Axl: I got a D on my geography test. Teacher says you have to sign it.
Frankie: Good job.
Sue: Can I stay out past my curfew tonight? Darrin and I are gonna go make out in his car.
Frankie: Have fun.
Brick: Lost another library book. They said we need to pay full price to replace it.
Frankie: Hmm. [hands Brick her wallet]

Sue: So the next match is against Terre Haute, and my coach said he really wants me to, uh, what's the word?
Mike: Quit?
Sue: Drill. So, Dad, I was hoping you could go out and do some drills with me.
Mike: Mm.
Sue: Please? You're the only person who could help me get better.
Mike: I don't know, Sue. Every time I try to teach you a sport, I yell, you cry. It's a whole thing.
Frankie: What your dad is trying to say is that he would love to help you.
Sue: Oh, yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh, and, Mom, I'm gonna need to pay for this uniform, so I'm gonna need a check for... You know what? I'll ask you during The Bachelor.

Mike: Wow. Sue, I gotta say, you are not totally horrible at this.
Sue: Wha... Oh, Dad, stop. You're embarrassing me.

Mike: I'm telling you, Frankie, she kept her eye on the ball. She moved her feet. She had some power.
Frankie: Mm-hmm. [eats chip] Ugh! [spits] Chip clip, people! Not that hard!
Mike: She was really good. I mean, all in the realm of Sue, but she's not a disaster.
Frankie: Oh, that's great.
Mike: Are you even listening to me? You remember Sue, right? The one who threw a baseball into her own eye?
Frankie: I'm sorry, Mike. This is a big night for me. Blake is choosing between Alissa and Kendall. Are you sure you don't wanna watch with me?
Mike: I've never been so sure of anything in my life.
Frankie: Suit yourself.

Frankie: Axl, is there a difference between a chat room and a message board?
Axl: Yeah. One's for losers, and one's for total losers.
Sean: Actually, Mrs. Heck, a chat room is like a conversation with a person, like we're having right now, and a message board is just a place for you to post your thoughts.
Frankie: Thank you, Sean. And would you mind staying and being my son?

Darrin: Dude, what's up with the chick food?
Axl: What? Me and Cassidy used to get together on Wednesday nights to make these big salads, but screw it. I don't need her to make a salad. She's not the president of salad. As a matter of fact, I'm gonna Instagram this so she can see me makin' a salad.

Sean: So you and Cassidy are done? What's going on? Caxl's breaking up?
Axl: I don't know. But I'm a man, so I'm not gonna go crawling back and ask her. Who wants candied pecans?
Darrin: You know, sometimes when Sue and I are having a fight, I just reach out and gently touch-
Axl: I swear to God, Darrin. [voice breaking] You guys want fresh croutons?
Sean: Dude, seriously?
Axl: Hells, yeah! Give me some day-old bread. I'll make 'em right now.

Mike: Looking good, Sue! Ready for Lawrenceville on Friday?
Sue: Oh, are you kidding? I can't wait. They have such a pretty campus.
Mike: Yeah, I'm sure they do. But, uh, listen, Sue, I wanted to talk to you. Um, you were awful nice out there the other day, complimenting the other team.
Sue: Thanks, Dad.
Mike: Well, let me finish. See, sports isn't about being nice. Sports is about being competitive. It's about wanting to beat the other person.
Sue: Oh. I think I remember my coach saying something about that.
Mike: Okay. So if you really wanna win, you gotta dig down deep. You gotta get in touch with that anger.
Sue: What anger?
Mike: The anger that's inside you.
Sue: I don't have any anger inside me. [gasps] Dad, do you have anger inside you?
Mike: A little bit.