Salesman: Good news. One left.
Frankie: Great.
Salesman: Now what credit card are we putting this on today?
Frankie: Um... Actually, we were thinking about opening one of your store cards for our son. He's employed and extremely responsible. [Axl grunts as he plays a karate video game] He's pre-med. We're very proud.

Frankie: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. No one watches anything. This is only for the royal wedding, then it goes back. So till then, no one watches it, touches it, or even gets within a 3-foot radius.
Brick: Dad? Look what Axl got with his credit card.
Frankie: It's just for the royal wedding, then I'm returning it right after. They have a policy. "If I ain't happy, they ain't happy."
Mike: What if I ain't happy? Frankie, something that nice can't survive here. This is where things come to break. Look around, woman. We can't make toast without a screwdriver.
Frankie: Oh, please. Nothing's gonna happ- [Axl swings his nunchuks] 3-foot radius!

Sue: "I'm Sue Heck, and that's what the Heck's going on."
Brick: Hmm. Good luck.
Sue: Wait. That wasn't a "good luck" good luck. That was a "there's something wrong" good luck. Tell me.
Brick: Okay, you want honest or polite?
Sue: Well, I wanted polite, but now that you said that, I guess I'll take honest.
Brick: You blinked too much, and about halfway in, you slurred an "s." And you didn't gesture enough. Plus, you were kind of mumbly on your nouns, but on verbs, you were even shakier...

Frankie: It's only six hours away. I wonder what she's doing right now. Is her heart pounding? I'll bet it's pounding, 'cause mine's about to pound right out of my chest.
Sue: Mom, I'm sorry, but there is no way I can watch the news coverage of the wedding, after all that I've been through. I can barely look at a microphone without crying... Brick.
Brick: Hey, how is it my fault?
Sue: You over-directed me. I did "NEWSBENJIVERTS" and people thought I was insane. I even got called down to the guidance counselor.
Brick: Well, I warned you not to try out.
Frankie: Hey! There is no fighting on Royal Wedding Eve!

Frankie: Hey, where are my scones? Mike!
Mike: What? I didn't know. I did you a favor, anyway. They're stale and dry.
Frankie: They're supposed to be stale and dry. They're British.
Frankie: All right, never mind. Now I'm going to bed, so if you have to yell at the kids, take 'em outside.
Mike: I don't want to yell at the kids alone. That's something we enjoy doing together.
Frankie: Well, sorry, but coverage starts at 3:00am by the time you're eating your toast or waffles, the world will have a new princess. Seriously, how can you not be moved by that?
[After Frankie leaves, Axl jumps on the couch and starts lifting up the cushions]
Frankie: [o.s.] Don't bother looking for the remote. I'm taking it to bed with me.

Frankie: [v.o.] The wait was finally over. Time to see what this bad boy could do.
Frankie: Oh... no, no, no. Turn on. Turn on. You got to be kidding me! Where is the button? Mike! Axl! Brick! Sue! Everybody up! I need your help!
Axl: Why am I awake? You know I need a solid 16.

Frankie: Change, damn it, change!
Axl: Whoa. Sports in hi-def are sweet. Ooh. Dad, remember this game? This is right when they start their comeback.
Mike: Yeah, this is a good one. Here comes the QB sneak. Come on, bust it through...
Frankie: No! No! You are not watching this game! This TV is for me! It's 3:49! I'm missing it all! The arrival at Westminster Abbey. The pronouncement by the Lord Rector. [Axl chuckles] What?
Axl: Rector. [Mike laughs]

Mike: Frankie.
Frankie: What?
Sue: We fixed the TV.
Brick: Just in time for the parade of beefeaters. [whispers] Beefeaters.

Frankie: [v.o.] With Sue's friend Carly also a casualty of the Heck plague, Sue found herself a new lunchtime companion.
Andy: [on school TV] And remember, Mrs. Wojo is still looking for volunteers for the Orson cleanup.
Sue: Already on the list. Still waiting for a call.
Samantha: [on school TV] Hey, fellow shuckers. Enjoying today's announcement?
Sue: Yep. I am.
Andy: [on school TV] Want to be part of the shucker news team?
Sue: I do.
Samantha: [on school TV] Well, come to anchor tryouts this Thursday in the AV room.
Sue: I will.

Jim: Oh. Pretzel barrel's empty. Toss me a new one, will you?
Mike: Oh, we're not getting them anymore.
Jim: What? But I came up from the hole for a nice, crunchy pretzel.
Mike: Sorry. We're making cutbacks. Pretzels had to go. [Jim holds the barrel up above his head] Uh, hey, Winnie the Pooh, there's nothing left in there. So you see the Pacers game last night?
Jim: Whatever, Mike.