Frankie: Hey, Mike, your kids have the crazy idea that in the hierarchy of this house, you're in charge.
Mike: Okay.
Frankie: Okay? Okay? Wait. You agree with that? You think that's accurate?
Mike: I don't know. I just got home. It's not inaccurate.
Axl: See? That's what I said.
Frankie: What? Why? What, because he's a man and I'm a woman? Why would you think he's in charge?
Sue: Well, he's scarier.
Brick: And he pays the bills and stuff.
Frankie: Okay, first of all, we are equally scary. We're equal in everything. We are equal. Just, look at the chart!

Frankie: [v.o.] It was my fault, really. I'm the one who had the bright idea of family dinner. Actually, Oprah had the idea in her magazine. Oprah, who doesn't have kids.

Brick: Well, I took your guys' advice and talked to Mr. Wilkerson, and he said I don't have to take gym anymore. When everyone else goes, I get to sit in the classroom and read.
Mike: What?! What kind of a male teacher lets a kid skip gym? Seriously, does this guy wear sandals? I'm telling you, Frankie, any money, this guy wears sandals.
Brick: He was surprisingly receptive.
Mike: Yeah, but, Brick, they're all going to gym, you're not... What are the other kids gonna say?
Brick: I don't know. But I'll tell you what they won't be saying "Hey, there goes Brick. Let's get him."

Frankie: Uh, you don't seem to understand how things work around here, so I'm gonna do you a favor and clear it up for you. I'm in charge... [writes down] So I'm on top. And underneath, Axl, Sue, and Brick. Get it? Okay. Are we all clear?
Sue: Why am I under Axl?
Frankie: It's just a random order.
Sue: It doesn't look random. It looks like you think Axl is above me.
Axl: Only in looks, intelligence, charisma, and personality.
Sue: Ugh.
Brick: What about Dad? I don't see Dad.
Frankie: Fine. "And Dad." Right up there with me, and above you three, who are listed here in a random order.
Axl: That's not right. Dad goes above you.
Frankie: What? Well, no he doesn't.
Brick: That was my understanding.
Sue: Doesn't he?
Frankie: Wait. You think that? You think Dad goes above me?

Sue: Do you really think it's bad being the oldest?
Axl: Are you kidding? Mom and Dad have been all up in my business ever since I was born. When I started high school, they were all, "How's it going, Axl? How are your classes? Who are your teachers? Who are your friends?"

Frankie: [v.o.] Family dinner. The backbone of America. A chance for families to get together and talk about their day In our case, waiting for Sue to take a breath.
Sue: In middle school, they're called tater tots, but in high school, they're called tater rounds.
Brick: You know...
Sue: Oh, my gosh! I almost said "tots" today. That would have been such a frosh move. Did you know that they call freshmen "frosh"?
Axl: May I please be excused to go step in front of a moving train?
Mike: It's a family dinner. You suffer with the rest of us.
Frankie: Go ahead, Sue. We're all very interested.
Frankie: [v.o.] We weren't.
Sue: So in middle school...

Frankie: Ugh. All right, I guess we can't avoid it anymore. We gotta run the dishwasher.
Mike: I'll get the broom, you get the towels.

Mike: Hey, Brick, you know, with Sue hoggin' up all the oxygen, I don't think we've heard a word out of you all week. How's fourth grade treating you?
Brick: Not well.
Frankie: [sighs] You didn't do something weird already in class yet, did you? It's just the first week, Brick. You gotta pace yourself.
Brick: It's my teacher, Mr. Wilkerson. He's a man. I like women. I like their bosoms.
Mike: We all do, Brick, but right now you're in a bosomless situation. You gotta make the best of it.
Brick: But when he asks you a question, he throws you the answer ball. If I have to catch a ball to answer a question, it's gonna be a long year.
Mike: Playing catch in class? That, for most kids, is what's called fun.
Brick: But when he takes us to gym, we're supposed to climb the rope. He fails to pick up on my reluctance. He's not a good fit for me. You should probably go talk to him.

Mike: Well, okay, Frankie, you're gonna have to go talk to this Wilkerson and explain the whole deal of how Brick is.
Frankie: Why? Why do I always have to go down and explain how Brick is? It's exhausting. Can't I just type something up and pin it to his shirt?
Mike: Or tie it to his wrist?
Frankie: Yeah, like a bracelet. [gasps] Like a quirk alert bracelet. Oh, wait a second! This could be a thing.
Mike: Mm, doesn't feel like a thing.

Sue: Mom! Axl tricked me- [Sue and Axl's voices are overpowered by the loud dishwasher] There should be different categories of tardy. I got put in detention with a marijuana salesman!
Axl: Hey, maybe you wanna go check out those tardies on the school web site. But what's the password again, Sue? Oh! I'll see you at the sawmill, 'cause you just got Axed. Whoo!
Sue: Axl eats four doughnuts every day for lunch! Ooh! See you in court, 'cause you just got Sued!
Axl: Just remember, Sue, too many tardies, and it goes on your permanent record.