Axl: Look, this is important. My whole life, people have been telling me what to do... "Sit up straight!" "That cup's not a toilet!" "Clean your room!" Well, now I finally have a say. Now... I get to tell America to clean its room.
Sue: But I'm scared. What if I mess up again?
Axl: Sue, let me tell you why I'm so awesome. You see, even when I have no idea what I'm doing, I pretend I do. That's why I'm good at everything. This guy Harry Butts... He should be living in a hole. But he has the guts to put his name on signs all over town and run for office. If he can do that, then you gotta step it up and get me there so I can vote for him. Do it for America!

Axl: Hey, Brick, what's this I got in the mail that you didn't? Oh! It's a voter guide, sent personally to me, Axl Redford Heck, signifying my readiness to take my rightful place among the adult, president-choosing citizens of our country.
Brick: Do you even know who you're voting for?
Axl: Not yet. I'll wait till I hear 'em all sing, and then I'll text in my choice.
Mike: Good idea. Your vote shouldn't count anyway.

Aunt Edie: Voting is a big responsibility. That's why I'm voting for Truman.
Sue: I'm driving!
Aunt Edie: Oh, good, then I'm not. [drinks from flask]

Axl: Check me out. Just read this whole book, cover to cover.
Mike: Wow. First Cat In The Hat, and now this.
Axl: Hey, you told me to get informed. But this is, like, way harder than I thought it was gonna be. Seriously, sheriff? How do you pick? I like this guy 'cause he's serious about crime. But then this other guy's gonna get tough on crime. [inhales sharply, blows raspberry] What sheriff are you guys gonna vote for?
Mike: Uh, we haven't really made up our minds yet.
Axl: What about the city council? You liking Paul Delvecchio or Jennifer Farley?
Frankie: Yeah, I'm leaning toward Delvecchio.
Axl: Oh, are you? Are you really? 'Cause they're both people from Jersey Shore. You guys haven't even looked at this, have you?
Frankie: Okay, so maybe we don't always vote for the little offices, but we vote for the big guys, like president.
Mike: You know, maybe it's a good thing that he's studying up on the sheriffs. He's never gonna meet a president, but I bet money you're gonna run into a sheriff some day. Might want to take a look at those judges, too.
Axl: You two are what's wrong with America.

Aunt Edie: [comes out of the polling booth] Where's the girl with the bathing suits I wanted to try on?

Mike: What's this?
Axl: Check it out. This guy's running for city council. His name's Harry Butts. [laughs] Like, seriously. It's his real name. How could we not put this sign up? Right? I mean you get why that's funny, right, Dad?
Mike: Yeah, I think I can crack that code.

Frankie: Okay, here's what I'm thinking... a cupcake for breakfast, Twinkies for lunch, and we sneak some M&M's into his hamburger meat at dinner.
Mike: He's not a dog, Frankie.
Brick: Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. How was work today, Dad?
Mike: Uh... fine.
Brick: Would you like to hear about my day? It was great. I played some four square with some kids at recess, and then we shot some hoops after school. Anyways, I'm gonna go pick up my room now. If you guys wanna do anything later, let me know. [moves his backpack] Wouldn't want to leave this out where someone could trip on it.
Frankie: That kid has a year and a half of candy coursing through his veins.
Mike: He's more sugar than boy.
Frankie: But it's made him... normal. I'm telling you, we have stumbled onto something here. It's like "Lorenzo's oil." People should know about this.
Mike: Frankie, nobody ever needs to know about this.

Brick: So Mr. Walker was teaching a lesson on fractions and stopped to ask if everyone understood. And then I said, "I think we get about 3/4 of what you're saying, maybe 7/8." [Frankie and Mike laugh] Yeah, everyone had a good laugh at that one, even Mr. Walker. Oh, can I take your plates to the kitchen?
Frankie: Oh, uh, sure.
Mike: Sure.
Frankie: Wow. He's great, isn't he?
Mike: I know. It's weird, though, right?
Frankie: Oh, my God. It's so weird. I mean, he's engaged and connecting, but without his quirks, he's just not Brick.
Brick: Oh, one more thing. There's a permission slip in the... [collapses]

Frankie: You know, I cannot get it up for Halloween this year. I think losing my job and starting school... it just all feels like too much. I'm supposed to take Brick trick-or-treating. I just want to open a box of wine and stay home.
Nancy: Oh, I'll take him for you. I'm taking Dottie and Shelly already, so it would be no trouble to have Brick come along.
Frankie: Oh, really? I could pawn him off on you? You don't think that makes me a bad mom?
Nancy: I don't think that does, no.

Frankie: [v.o.] So another Halloween had come and gone, and I, for one, was relieved.
Brick: Mom, I did it. I completed your challenge.
Frankie: Challenge? What challenge?
Brick: I ate all my candy in 24 hours, just like you said. [Brick empties a large bag of candy wrappers]
Mike: You told him to eat all his candy?
Frankie: No!
Brick: You said I had to finish it.
Frankie: No, I didn't! [scoffs] I thought he would eat some, get sick, and not want the rest. You know, like when someone starts smoking, and you... you force them to smoke an entire carton of cigarettes.
Mike: Not really helping your case for Mother of the Year.