Brick Quote #41
Mike: Hey buddy, we need to talk. [pulls Brick out from under the Christmas tree] What's going on? Mom and I are worried about you.
Brick: I'm just a little melancholy. [whispers] Melancholy.
Mike: When did all this start?
Brick: [normal voice] You know that Santa PEZ dispenser I got two years ago where the candy comes out of his beard? I just started thinking about how I had it and then one day it was just... gone. And then I started thinking that someday you'll be gone... And I'll be gone, and we'll all be gone.
Mike: Well, sure. Everybody worries about death. It's terrifying. But you know what we do? We shove it out of our minds. That's why we have books and candy and water parks and TV. It's all just a big old distraction from death. So all better?
Brick: Okay. [whispers] Okay.
Frankie: [v.o.] And then because he thought he was on a roll, Mike got greedy.
Mike: Oh, and you know, if you keep on whispering to yourself... Santa's not gonna bring you any presents.
Features in the collection: Christmas Quotes.
Brick: Hey, Dad, I've been working on the family Christmas letter, and I want to run it by you.
Mike: Uh, not a good time, Brick. I just drove all the way to Jasper and then to Bedford 'cause they put a tree on hold for me, which apparently means "sell it to whoever walks in and asks for one."
Brick: You know, if you can make that a bit more interesting, I think I can squeeze it in this baby. Here's what I got so far. "Dear friends, merry Christmas 2014. What a year. Mom doesn't wear pants anymore. She's got an unsightly bruise on her hip that's been there since July. She says if it doesn't go away in a week, she'll go to the doctor. Finances weigh heavy on our minds. The sink fell through the counter last month, and now we wash dishes in the shower. Axl's football career appears to be over, as he dropped the ball... both literally and figuratively." I'm very proud of that part.
Brick: "Mom and Dad stay up late worried about Sue doing something with Darrin called 'losing it.'"
Mike: Whoa! Brick, you can't say any of that stuff.
Brick: Why not? It's all true.
Mike: Yeah, well, that's exactly why. Christmas letters are just for the good things that happened in the last year.
Brick: Oh. Well, that's gonna be a lot harder. And shorter.
Mike: [chuckles] Yeah.
Frankie: Hey, where you going? And what's with the hat?
Axl: If you must know, it's part of our new business venture... "Tree Wise Men," a subsidiary of Boss Co. Enterprises. We're getting paid to put up people's Christmas lights and decorations. It's the season to get rich.
Frankie: Well, we have a tree right here, and as soon as it gets assembled, we are decorating it as a family.
Axl: Oh, but this is the only chance I get to hang out with my friends. Now that I'm in college, which you guys insisted on, I never get to see them anymore.
Frankie: Okay, but as soon as you get back, we're making a trip to the Frugal Hoosier. I'm filling two cars with stuff, and you're gonna be my Christmas helper.
Axl: Ugh. Fine. But I'm gonna need 10 bucks for my time.
Frankie: Oh, are we settling up? Because I put a bill together for all the things I've done for you, and it's a billion dollars.
Quote from Brick
Brick: Everybody stop yelling. [whispers] Yelling. [normal voice] Oh, no. [whispers] Oh, no. [normal voice] Oh, no. [whispers] Oh, no. [normal voice] I can't stop. [whispers] I can't stop.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Oh, my God. Mike. The Christmas village? I love setting up the Christmas village. All right, this is chaos. This guy with the newspaper is supposed to go in front of the bakery. You've got him lurking around the school like he's some kind of pedophile. Look, you've got the carolers on the train tracks, like that's gonna end well.
Mike: Did you want my help or not?
Frankie: Well, yes, but I can't leave the house for a second to go to work or practice without you churning out some other Christmas tradition. I just wanted you to do the crummy stuff. You know, go to the grocery, stand in line at the post office for the Christmas stamps. I don't want you hogging up all the fun stuff.
Mike: How am I supposed to know what you think is fun?
Frankie: Well, you know how there's songs about decorating a tree or building a snowman? That's how you know. If it's in a song, don't do it.
Mike: So, no chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
Mike: No dashing through the snow.
Frankie: No, that's all out.
Quote from Hecks on a Train
Brick: Do we have any details about the cause of Aunt Edie's death?
Mike: Just one. She was 96.
Brick: Interesting. Has anyone questioned Helen Riley? She was the perennial runner-up to Aunt Edie in the church pie contest.
Quote from Mommapalooza
Sue: Okay, so, what do we do? Dad didn't give us enough drywall to fix a hole this big. He's gonna freak out.
Brick: I'm not gonna lie. It's gonna be really rough for you.
Sue: Me? You're the one who did this.
Brick: Well, you're the older sister who left her little brother to do major home repair on his own. Besides, if Dad flips out, I can just play the quirk card. I shrug, I look confused, throw in a few whoops and whispers, lick something if I have to... I'm off scot-free.
Sue: Oh, my God. You're diabolical.
Brick: I am not diabolical. [whispers] Diabolical. [normal voice] It's so easy. [whispers] It's so easy. [normal voice] Okay, that one wasn't planned.