‘Christmas Help’
Season 4, Episode 9 - Aired December 5, 2012
As Christmas approaches, Frankie gets a job in a department store so she can buy presents with her employee discount. Mike helps his brother, Rusty (Norm Macdonald), move furniture, unaware Rusty doesn't actually own the items in question. Meanwhile, Reverend TimTom casts Brick in a nativity play and tasks Sue with baking cookies, while Axl moves into the garage.
Quote from Brick
Reverend TimTom: I knew I could count on you, Sue Heck. And I'm really psyched about you being in the play, Brick.
Brick: What play?
Quote from Mike
Frankie: Well, I've paid the minimums on all the credit cards, sent in my first tuition payment and conveniently forgot to sign the check, so I think it'll buy us another week.
Mike: Attagirl!
Frankie: And we still have $20 left to buy Christmas presents. Okay, maybe a little more than that, but seriously, Mike, not our best year.
Mike: Did we have a best year?
Quote from Sue
Sue: Guess what? Reverend Timtom's doing this cool Christmas pageant, "JC's Rockin' Birthday Jam." Brick's in it. He's gonna be a wise man. But get this... I... am making the cookies! [screams]
Frankie: Brick's gonna be in a play?
Sue: And I'm making the cookies! Ha! Can you believe it?
Frankie: Yeah, wow, Sue.
Quote from Frankie
Sue: Mom, where do you keep the cookie cutters?
Frankie: The store.
Quote from Axl
Frankie: Hey, Axl. I was thinking. What if this year, we do something different Christmas morning? We wake up, rush outside, make snow angels, drink hot cocoa with little marshmallows, and create some wonderful Christmas memories?
Axl: Cool. Then we come inside and open presents?
Quote from Sue
Sue: Okay, I figure 20 cast members, 2 parents each. Siblings, 1.5 grandparents, crew members, church people, 5% accidental crumblage. Okay, I am going to need... 1,200 cookies. [laughs]
Mike: Sue, quilt.
Sue: [gasps] Sorry.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: So... guess who got hired at JJ Macky's?
Mike: Why do people say "guess who"? I know it's you.
Frankie: [sighs] Can't you just have fun with this? Look, they're hiring extra help for the holidays. And the best part is, I get an additional 30% discount off their already low, low prices. Oh, yep! We're gonna score our kids some Christmas presents, baby.
Quote from Brick
Brick: [sings] Shoop, shoop, shoop, We gotta follow that star Hey, hey, hey We gotta follow that star I know it looks like it's really far But we gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta follow that star, yeah!
Frankie: [to Mike] See? What did I tell ya? Weird.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Hi, Penny? I'm Frankie. It's my first day. I guess we're gonna be working together.
Penny: Well, welcome aboard, Frankie. You're gonna love working here. We like to think of ourselves as a big ol' family.
Frankie: Great. So just picking up a few things on my break. I'm getting this for my daughter. She loves rainbows. And my son's been wanting this clock radio that projects the time up onto the ceiling, 'cause I guess it's too much to roll over and see that it's noon.
Penny: Right. All right. Okay, that's $78.96.
Frankie: Ooh, hold on. I think you forgot my employee discount.
Penny: Yeah, that doesn't kick in for 20 days.
Frankie: 20 days? That's all the way up to... Christmas Eve.
Penny: Yeah, I know. See, people used to take these jobs just so they can buy their presents, and then quit.
Frankie: What? Well, that's not me. If anything, I wanna be a lifer. Uh-huh. There's nothing I would like better than to just grow old and die here.
Penny: Well, if you do, we all sign a vest, frame it, and give it to your family.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: [v.o.] Well, the days until Christmas were going by fast, and so were all my Christmas presents.
Woman: I'm not sure about the size, but this is the only one left. How do I look?
Frankie: Fat. I mean, you're not fat. The sweatshirt makes you look fat. And that rainbow pattern? A little young for you.
Woman: It is a little young for me. I'll get it for my niece. Ooh, a clock radio.