Sue: Hi, Ms. Jacobs. I wanted to talk to you about-
Ms. Jacobs: Are you a new student?
Frankie: No. I'm Sue. Sue Heck. I bring the lunch money report in to you every morning from the main office. I say, "Hi, Ms. Jacobs. Everything's here," and then I give you a little wave.
Ms. Jacobs: Really? Huh.
Sue: So anyway, I wanted to talk to you about my perfect attendance award.
Ms. Jacobs: Oh, honey, I'm sorry, but no one's getting that perfect attendance award this year. Nobody earned it.
Sue: Yes, somebody earned it. I earned it. My attendance was perfect.
Ms. Jacobs: [types on computer] Oh, I see the problem. You were absent on October 13th. You're not gonna get anything at the ceremony, but you should still congratulate yourself.
Sue: I spend my whole life congratulating myself. I want other people to congratulate me.
Ms. Jacobs: Sorry. Next.
Sue: No one else is here.
Ms. Jacobs: I know. Nice meeting you.

Frankie: [v.o.] You know the old saying "Never buy a tiki torch before its time." That isn't really a saying, but trust me, don't do it.

Brick: Oh, um, Ms. Rinsky, quick question. About the assignment I'm scheduled to hand in on Friday...
Ms. Rinsky: You didn't do it.
Brick: Oh, no, I did it. I just want to double-check that I did it correctly. So, uh, just to confirm, on the... monthly journal?
Ms. Rinsky: Daily.
Brick: Yes, daily - Uh, that's what I meant - journal that I did. I assume by "daily," you meant I was supposed to write in it every day?
Ms. Rinsky: That's right. Every day.
Brick: 'Cause that's exactly what I did.
Ms. Rinsky: Now remind your mommy that it's due on Friday, and when I say Friday, I mean Friday.
Brick: No need. We are totally on top of it.

Brick: "Axl called Sue a big tomato 'cause of her dorky red shirt."
Sue: Oh, my God. You remember I was wearing red?
Brick: Like I said, on days without books, my recall is very good.
Sue: If I was wearing red, it means I went to the orthodontist, 'cause I'm a gum-bleeder and red hides the gum blood. So I must have been late to school, and they must have gotten mixed up and marked me as absent! All I need is a note from the orthodontist, and I'm in!

Brick: Do you remember on February 16th, you took Arlo and me to get ice cream, but you forgot your wallet? Who was that friend who lent you the money?
Frankie: I don't know, Brick. I don't remember any of it. I'm standing here with a ball of twine in my hand, and I don't even know why. Look, Rinsky's not gonna read every page, so you just need to start making stuff up.
Brick: Well, I don't want to lie.
Frankie: You think the kids in your class are stupid now? Wait till you're in a class with kids a year younger than you.
Brick: "Today I went skydiving."
Frankie: Yeah.

Mike: Axl?
Axl: How great is this? I got the "Time with Tots" kids putting meals together for the hungry shut-ins. I'm racking up double hours here. I mean... Hey, Tito! Keep your head in the game. You forgot to put an orange in that one.
Mike: [scoffs] All right, that's it. I'm shutting this sweatshop down.
Axl: But I can't pack these boxes myself. And what about the tots? I'm their role model.
Mike: Well, then, life dealt 'em a bad hand again. Now start reading to these boys. And then when you're done, you can pack boxes yourself, alone.
Axl: [groans] God! This is so unfair! Ugh! You kids are lucky you don't have dads.

Sue: Stop! I have evidence! I have a tape!
[Sue, Ms. Jacobs and Mr. Sholin watch the tape in the attendance office. On the tape:]
Sue: Excuse me. I'm here to get Allison Scott's purse. Oh, sorry. Just squeezing by. Excuse me. Ooh. Ooh, ooh, excuse me. Sorry. Pardon me.
[as Sue makes her way back across Mr. Stevenson's class, she knocks into the double bass and trips over, sending one of the flute players down, launching a cascade of tumbling music stands which reverberate around the room]
Sue: You guys sound really good!
[in the office:]
Sue: See? See? I was here. October 13, 2010. Sue Heck was in the house!
Mr. Sholin: Uh, congratulations?
[Sue screams and dances]

Mike: Okay. What are we up to?
Brick: April.
Mike: April. Okay, good, here. I'll do the 1st, you do the 2nd, you do the 3rd.
Frankie: Okay... April, April, April, April in Paris, April... Showers.
Mike: Good. "It rained today. Splashed in puddles. What fun."
Brick: I wouldn't say, "what fun."
Mike: Well, you're saying it now.

Brick: Hey, wasn't Easter in April?
Frankie: Oh, good. Yes, Easter. Okay, what did we do for Easter?
Axl: Oh, nice job, mom. You forgot to do Easter. You owe me a pound of jelly beans and a ham.
Frankie: Shoot! And wasn't there some birthday in April, too?
Axl: Uh, yeah. Jesus.
Mike: That's Christmas, and the birthday was mine.
Frankie: Oh. Damn. Happy Birthday.
Brick: I'll write about how we took Dad to a pacers game to celebrate.
Mike: Thanks, buddy. I would have enjoyed that.

Sue: I'm so excited about tomorrow, I can't sleep. Okay, so for graduation, which makes me look prettier?
Axl: God. I'm so tired, I can't even insult you. [gasps] Hey. Is that a community service if I don't insult Sue?