Blanche: Well, there must be something wrong with Rose's date. There has to be. I bet he's an airhead, or a mutant, or an insurance salesman. Oh, that's it. Well, Rose, you and your geek have fun.
Rose: And you said she wouldn't take it well, Dorothy.

Sophia: Relax, Dorothy. Maybe Vito just wants a handmade pillow for Christmas. It means nothing. Who cares? [doorbell] Argh! Sorry. I was just so excited about this lovely gift.

Rose: Everyone, this is Ernie Faber.
Ernie: I'm sorry I'm late, Rose. I got tied up in court.
Blanche: What are you charged with?
Ernie: Nothing. I'm a corporate attorney.
Blanche: Damn!

Blanche: So, tell us, Ernie, have you ever been married?
Ernie: I'm divorced.
Blanche: Oh. Was the breakup caused by your drinking problem?
Ernie: I don't have a drinking problem.
Blanche: Were you cheating on your wife?
Sophia: What is this? A Barbara Walters Special?

Blanche: Well, he's perfect. He's absolutely perfect. I cannot believe a man like that would be interested in Rose.
Dorothy: Well, I guess he's not perfect after all.
Blanche: That's right, Dorothy. Thank you. I feel so much better.
Dorothy: We're living with Robin Givens.

Rose: Hi, girls.
Dorothy: Rose, honey, is something wrong?
Rose: No. I'm just a little depressed.
Dorothy: Oh, come on now, Rose. If there's something wrong, you can tell us. Is it about Ernie?
Blanche: He's lousy in bed. I knew it! I knew there was something wrong with him.
Rose: No, he's not lousy. Well, I don't think he is.
Blanche: Well, either he is or he isn't.
Rose: Well, I'm sure he's not. Of course, I have no proof that he's not, but still, he's not. I think.
Blanche: I don't get it.
Sophia: Neither does Rose.

Blanche: You mean you've been seeing him for over a month and you two haven't done it?
Rose: He hasn't made one move. Of course, there was the time we were out to dinner and I thought he was coming on a little strong all of a sudden, but it turned out he was looking for his napkin under the table.

Blanche: Well, what have you all been doing all this time? And how long can you make conversation?
Dorothy: Blanche, there is more to conversation than just: "Can I have a hanger for my pants, please?"
Rose: Oh, Ernie's not like that. He's very special. He's not the type of man who wants to hop into bed after just one date.
Blanche: And this is one of his attributes?
Rose: Yes.

Sophia: [on the phone] Yeah. Is this the Venuchio residence? It is? Is Sonny Venuchio there? He is? Sorry, wrong number.
Blanche: Sophia, does this still have to do with that vendetta business?
Dorothy: Blanche, don't even discuss it with her. The whole thing is ridiculous.
Sophia: Dorothy, this vendetta is a very real thing. It goes to the root of my soul as a Sicilian. If you don' wanna acknowledge it, that's your business.
Dorothy: Fine, Ma.
Sophia: But I may need a ride later. I wanna go to confession. They go easy on you if it's still just an impure thought.

Blanche: Impotent? Are you sure?
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, what would you have done? Asked him to prove it?