‘The Impotence of Being Ernest’
Season 4, Episode 13 - Aired February 4, 1989
Rose thinks things are going great with her new boyfriend, Ernie, but she wonders why he's yet to make a move. Meanwhile, Dorothy is concerned that Sophia is going to do something drastic when she is entrusted with carrying out a Sicilian vendetta.
Quote from Dorothy
Dorothy: I remember when Stanley and I were going through this. We tried everything. Relaxation techniques, hypnosis I fed the man so many oysters, when he passed a kidney stone, I had it appraised. I mean, this went on for two years before he found a cure.
Rose: What was it?
Dorothy: A blonde stewardess with a butt that would have made Gandhi throw in the towel.
Quote from Sophia
Sophia: OK, Dorothy. I'm going for a walk. If I don't come back, it's up to you to take care of Sonny Venuchio. His address is on the table.
Dorothy: Ma, that's it. Now, I want you to look at me and tell me this vendetta business is all a joke.
Sophia: This vendetta business is all a joke. [phone rings]
Dorothy: Now I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you're not lying.
Sophia: I'm not lying.
Blanche: [answering phone] Sophia, it's for you. He says his name is Tony the Hook.
Sophia: Tell him I'll call him back. What are you looking at? He's my butcher. Yeah, that's it. My butcher.
Quote from Sophia
Sophia: Relax, Dorothy. I probably left it at Sonny's place.
Dorothy: Of course you did, right next to his body.
Sophia: How did you know?
Dorothy: Ma! It's all over the front page of today's paper.
Sophia: Oh. That's not Sonny. That's a dead guy.
Blanche: Of course he is, if you carried out that vendetta.
Sophia: What are you talking about? This was an '80s vendetta. It was all symbolic. You find the guy, drop a fish on his doorstep, boom, you wash your hands of the whole thing.
Dorothy: Ma, wait a minute. If that's all you did, how come your purse is still over there?
Sophia: Oh, well, maybe I did leave one thing out. While I was giving Sonny the evil eye, I noticed he was kinda cute. So, I decided to work in a little kiss of death too. Well, that livened him up, and we spent a very pleasant afternoon.
Blanche: Oh!
Dorothy: Ma, you are incredible.
Sophia: Those were Sonny's words exactly.
Quote from Dorothy
Rose: So what if I was with Ernie?
Blanche: With Ernie? Oh, oh, isn't that wonderful? Oh, honey, congratulations! I'm so happy for you.
Dorothy: Calm down, Blanche. It was a roll in the hay, not a walk on the moon.