Dorothy: Blanche, honey, don't worry. All you need is a little spring tune-up.
Blanche: And I suppose you don't?
Dorothy: No, not really. Prove it. Put your money where your mouth is.
Sophia: If there isn't already a sweet roll there.

Dorothy: All right, all right, but, now, nobody look.
Rose: I always thought you had to pass zero to hit that number.
Dorothy: Obviously the scale is broken.
Rose: I'm not surprised after that kind of punishment.

Dorothy: Rose, you think you're so tiny, why don't you get weighed?
Rose: Oh, I don't need to. I never gain weight.
Blanche: Show us, Rose.
Rose: Well, OK, but I can promise you I weigh exactly the same as I did on my wedding day.
All: Moo!

[flashback:]
Dorothy: Yvonne, we want to join a gym.
Yvonne: Well, what kind of exercise are you interested in?
Blanche: Oh, nothing radical, just to lose a few pounds.
Rose: Tone up.
Dorothy: Slim down.
Blanche: Get into my summer wardrobe.
Rose: Get into my winter wardrobe.
Dorothy: Get into my bathrobe.

[flashback:]
Yvonne: Ladies, I'm sorry. When you told me you were serious, I took you literally. Just forget this stuff. Wear your sweats.
Dorothy: Oh, no, no, no, Yvonne. We want all that stuff.
Blanche: We do. We really do.
Rose: Well, I don't. I'm gonna stick with my sweat suit and my PF Flyers. I'll see you girls in the locker room.
Dorothy: Yvonne, she's not serious.
Blanche: Never has been, never will be.
Yvonne: OK, then you'll need new gym bags, water bottles, vitamin packs, and most importantly, a sports training bra to minimize jiggle and bounce.
Blanche: Yvonne, honey, I think you're missing the whole point of having breasts.

[flashback:]
Yvonne: OK, everybody on their feet. Whirlybirds.
All: Whirlybirds.
Yvonne: Jackhammer.
All: Jackhammer.
Yvonne: Windshield wipers.
All: Windshield wipers.
Yvonne: Charley horse.
Rose: Charley horse.
Dorothy: She has a cramp, you pea brain.

Dorothy: What are you cooking now, Ma?
Sophia: A Petrillo family delicacy. Double-fudge, amaretto, ricotta cheesecake.
Rose: What's in it?

[flashback:]
Dorothy: Oh, God, you are gorgeous.
Eduardo: Yes, I know. I am Eduardo.
Rose: Oh, Eduardo, tonight is important to us. We want to look our best.
Eduardo: Don't worry, ladies. After Eduardo does a woman's hair, the years melt away. She's transformed into a breathtaking, sensuous, vivacious goddess of beauty. I tried to get all that on the sign, but they charge by the letter. Perhaps we should begin by your telling me what you would like me to do.
Blanche: Here. I have a picture.
Eduardo: Well, this is not you. You are a vixen. For you, I see a saucier cut. An Audrey Hepburn look. Simple, elegant, and something to accent these delicate features.
Blanche: Can you really do all that?
Eduardo: My dear, in many respects, styling hair is like making love. To do it well, one must have trust, respect and a chair you can pump up and down.
Blanche: I am your clay. Mold me.

[flashback:]
Dorothy: Not so fast, Eduardo. What are you going to do with me?
Eduardo: You have good bones. Yes, this is a strong, noble face, full of wisdom and sincerity. You could be a Greek goddess.
Dorothy: Go on, Eduardo. I said go on, Eduardo.
Sophia: Give him a break. He barely got it out once with a straight face.

[flashback:]
Eduardo: Ladies, it's time. Time to walk through the looking glass. Time to take that last glimpse of your former selves. Time to take that giant step into the world of Eduardoism.
Sophia: You've been drinking again, haven't you?