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‘Rites of Spring’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Golden Girls: Rites of Spring

423. Rites of Spring

Aired April 29, 1989

When the girls want to lose weight ahead of an upcoming beach party, they reminisce about times they've tried to improve their image before.

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Dorothy, do you realize it's only two weeks till Phyllis's Memorial Day beach party? That means there's only two weeks till we have to get back into bathing suits again. Well, I just slipped into last year's bikini and I think I look pretty good, but you give me your honest advice. Can I still pull it off?
Dorothy: Right now I'd be surprised if you could cut if off.

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Quote from Dorothy

Sophia: This cake is guaranteed to make me gain back that pound.
Dorothy: Ma, all this eating you're doing is ridiculous. Now, I am sure you are already back up to 99lbs.
Sophia: We'll see. Wrong again, Kreskin. Still 98.
Blanche: 98 pounds. I can't remember the last time I weighed 98. Probably college.
Dorothy: Where'd you go to college, Blanche? The University of Jupiter?

Quote from Dorothy

[flashback:]
Yvonne: And stretch. Legs wider.
Dorothy: Oh, ow. That hurts.
Blanche: I'm not having any trouble.
Dorothy: Why is it that doesn't surprise me?

Quote from Sophia

[flashback:]
Dorothy: Gee, Ma, I don't know if this was such a good idea.
Rose: I think you're right, Dorothy. I think I should've done my own hair. I've been doing it for years.
Sophia: That's why it looks like something you buy on a stick at halftime.
Blanche: Sophia, we're just a little bit nervous. This is a very important event. We want to look perfect.
Sophia: Please! The man works with scissors, not a sandblaster.

Quote from Rose

[flashback:]
Rose: What about me? Could I be a goddess too?
Eduardo: No, no. You are an earth mother. Sweet, compassionate, but bubbling with sensuality just below the surface.
Rose: Oh, that's a relief. All this time I thought it was gas.

Quote from Sophia

[flashback:]
Eduardo: Ladies, it's time. Time for the unveiling of another Eduardo masterpiece. Sit back, feast your eyes, and meet the woman you always dreamt you could be.
[The girls all have their hair like Sophia's. Later:]
Sophia: Eduardo, you've done it again. And again. And again.

Quote from Blanche

[flashback:]
Rose: This seems like a nice club.
Blanche: But it's for women only. What's wrong with the nice coed gym we just saw?
Dorothy: Come on now, Blanche, that was nothing but a pickup scene. People running around in skimpy outfits, collecting phone numbers.
Blanche: That's not true. I was not in a skimpy outfit and I got all these.

Quote from Blanche

[flashback:]
Dorothy: Yvonne, we are desperate women. You've got to help us.
Yvonne: I know just what you need. Aerobics. It's what I do.
Blanche: But, Yvonne, you're much younger than they are.
Yvonne: I know you'll love aerobics. It stretches every muscle in your body.
Blanche: Honey, I've been stretching this body for years.
Dorothy: Blanche, sticking your feet out of the sunroof of a Chrysler New Yorker doesn't count.

Quote from Dorothy

[flashback:]
Yvonne: Sweats? Look, ladies, if you're serious about training, you want to get off on the right foot, starting with good workout shoes. Now, these are beautiful, and a bargain at $85. $85?
Dorothy: That's a bit exorbitant.
Rose: And expensive too.
Yvonne: Well, we do have cheaper brands, but anyone who's, you know, serious wouldn't even go near them.
Blanche: Then we'll take those.
Yvonne: Fine. You'll also need aerobic suits, warmup outfits, wristbands, headbands, leg warmers.
Dorothy: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Leg warmers?
Yvonne: Well you need something to keep your thighs warm. What are you using now?
Dorothy: Friction. That's why we're here.

Quote from Rose

[flashback:]
Blanche: I thought I heard a man's voi- Oh, it's you, Stan.
Stan: I'm so happy you're all here. I have just had an incredible experience that I wanted to share with my dearest friends.
Rose: So what are you doing here?

Quote from Dorothy

[flashback:]
Dorothy: All right, Stanley. We'll listen to what you have to say.
Stan: Beautiful. How about we all go someplace and get comfortable, get some coffee, have something to eat?
Blanche: I'll go change.
Stan: Why? We're only going into the kitchen. Boy, I hope you have some cheesecake.
Dorothy: Stan, that's it. I've had it with your freeloading. Get out.
Stan: Dorothy, you have so much hostility, so much aggression, so much mistrust. This problem goes deeper than I thought. I'm gonna need a steak with that cheesecake.
Dorothy: Get out!

Quote from Sophia

[flashback:]
Stan: Hi, babe. It's me, Stan. Wait, let me rephrase that. It's me, the new Stan.
Dorothy: What are you talking about?
Stan: Don't you notice a difference? Can't you see the glow? Can't you see the light radiating off me?
Sophia: Sure. It's the porch light glaring off your head.

Quote from Sophia

[flashback:]
Stan: I just finished a seminar with an encounter group called Realizations.
Dorothy: Realizations. Let me guess. It's a group that promises to remove all emotional blocks, self-denial and lifelong hang-ups in two days.
Stan: Miss Know-It-All, for your information it takes three days.
Blanche: So what did it do for you?
Stan: I've learned a hell of a lot about what makes Stanley run. Why I'm so reluctant to make commitments, why I can't keep friends, why all my business ventures seem to fail. I finally have an answer.
Sophia: Because you're a schmuck?

Quote from Dorothy

[flashback:]
Rose: Stan, I think we've heard enough.
Stan: Look, I've gone through a life-changing experience. I feel like I'm free to love anybody.
Dorothy: Oh, please. You said the same thing after you had your vasectomy.

Quote from Sophia

[flashback:]
Blanche: Dorothy, how sweet. Oh, that just gives me a warm, tingly feeling all over. If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go slip under the covers and enjoy it. [exits]
Rose: OK, Dorothy, she's gone. You can tell me the truth. You were talking about me, weren't you? That's OK. It'll be our own little secret.
Dorothy: That, and the dent in Blanche's car.
Rose: Got you. [exits]
Sophia: You are such a liar.
Dorothy: What?
Sophia: Neither of them is your best friend. Admit it. I'm your best friend.
Dorothy: You're right. I was talking about you, Ma. You are my best friend. Just like I'm your best friend.
Sophia: Best friend? Please. You aren't even my favorite child. When you were 13, there were neighbor children I liked better. Best friend. How about picking up a tab once in a while, pal of mine? Or letting me open my own social security check? Best friend! Yeah, right.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Hi, Ma. What are you eating?
Sophia: Ziti.
Dorothy: Ma, it's nine o'clock in the morning. You're eating a bowl of pasta?
Sophia: No, I'm eating a bowl of Nabisco Zitios. Of course I'm eating pasta. I need to gain weight. I'm wasting away, Dorothy.
Dorothy: What do you mean?
Sophia: I got weighed this morning. I couldn't believe what I saw. 98lbs.
Dorothy: What do you usually weigh?
Sophia: 99.
Dorothy: Ma, you lost one pound. Thank you, Rene Descartes. I'm looking for advice, not arithmetic.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, you cannot get upset over one pound.
Sophia: Maybe you can't. I can. For 50 years my weight hasn't changed by an ounce, and as far as I'm concerned, until I'm back to 99, I'm no longer Sophia Petrillo.
Blanche: Morning, Dorothy. Morning, Sophia.
Sophia: Who?

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Are you implying that I might have gained weight?
Sophia: There's only one way to find out. Here's the scale.
Blanche: Oh, fine. [gasps]
Sophia: Whoa!
Blanche: Sophia, were you looking?
Sophia: Uh, no, not till you stepped off. But I know it's not a good sign when the first rebound goes into the low 120s.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Blanche, honey, don't worry. All you need is a little spring tune-up.
Blanche: And I suppose you don't?
Dorothy: No, not really. Prove it. Put your money where your mouth is.
Sophia: If there isn't already a sweet roll there.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: All right, all right, but, now, nobody look.
Rose: I always thought you had to pass zero to hit that number.
Dorothy: Obviously the scale is broken.
Rose: I'm not surprised after that kind of punishment.

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