Barry: You are gonna love this surprise.
Joanne: Ooh, I'm so excited. But why didn't you just blindfold me with a necktie?
Barry: I don't own one. But I do own two pirate's eyepatches.

Barry: [British accent] This summer, get ready for Bond, Barry Bond... 0014. 'Cause that's twice as good as seven.
Dave Kim: Time to die, Mr. Bond.
Barry: The time to die is yours. [imitates bones cracking] It has it all... action. Romance. Style. Underwater stuff. And, of course, the man himself. Saving the world is easy. What's hard is looking this good doing it. Coming this summer and every summer after.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] But her response... not what he expected.
Joanne: [laughs] Oh, my God. Thank you for this. It was the perfect gift. [laughs] Ooh, underwater stuff.
Barry: Yeah, underwater stuff.
Joanne: Ahh! I should go freshen up. I peed myself a little. [laughs]

Joanne: There's my Care Bear. Who's excited to go mini-golf? You can be your favorite... red ball.
Barry: Eh, I'm not really in the mood for tiny versions of anything.
Joanne: Well, I'm a tiny version, and you like me.
Barry: For sure. I'mma go take a nap in my childhood bedroom where I feel safe. Even though the samurai sword above my bed would suggest otherwise.

Brea: Gee, I wonder if he's upset.
Joanne: I may know what's going on. I didn't exactly respond to his Bond movie the way that he'd hoped.
Brea: And how did you respond?
Joanne: I laughed and laughed. And then laughed some more.
Adam: Why would you do that?
Joanne: I thought that it was a joke. He wrestled a rubber snake. For nine minutes.
Adam: For some reason, he demanded final cut.

Still, it's well established Barry's a tad sensitive.
Brea: [scoffs] A tad? I coughed while he was talking, and he accused me of trying to ruin his story about meeting a turtle.
Adam: Insanely sensitive. But how could he not be? On one hand, our dad constantly calls him a moron. On the other, our mom endlessly showers him with undeserved praise. It's not a parenting success story.
Joanne: But he will get over it, right?
Adam: I dunno. One time at the mall, he lost a game of peek-a-boo to a baby, and I had to physically separate them.

Joanne: Oh, boom shakalaka. You are clearly an NBA All-Star.
Barry: Wait. These aren't regulation nets. There's a nine-year-old over there windmill jamming. And he has newer Jordans than mine. [scoffs]

Barry: My closest friends and family don't even feel comfortable being honest with me?
Adam: Bar, it's just... you feel so deeply.
Andy: Plus, you're unstable, irrational, volatile, and... Oh, no, what have I done?
Matt: See, we live in constant fear of how you'll react to even the smallest criticism.
Naked Rob: You're actually ripping up my history paper as we speak.
Barry: Fine. I can be a bit brash at times, and you've all just been okay with this?
Andy: It's been a difficult two decades.
Naked Rob: I have something called trauma dandruff.

Adam: Okay, despite my better judgment, we're doing a sequel.
Barry: All right, where's my Bond girl?
Adam: She's sitting this one out for obvious reasons. But I did find you a new Bond girl that I think you'll have a real connection with.
Barry: What? Who? [spy movie music plays]
Beverly: [enters] Why, Mr. Bond, you look surprised to see me.
Adam: Introducing Mommy Galore.
Beverly: I'm a moon scientist.
Barry: No. I am not gonna wrestle on the rim of a volcano with her.
Beverly: But I have a license to snuggy.
Barry: [groans] Here she goes. [groans]
Beverly: He loves them. She really is the greatest villain of all time. [smooching]
Barry: Stop, stop. Cut.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '89s, my brother, Barry, loved imitating his heroes. From whip-wielding adventurers on-screen to python-flexing champions of the ring, he couldn't help but see himself in their action-packed exploits. But there was one suave super-spy who topped them all.
Barry: Bond. James Bond. That's how he introduces himself.
Joanne: I love how even after almost being murdered, he's wildly flirty. [British accent] "Welcome, sir, I'm Jenny Flex."
Barry: Her name is kinda suggestive.

Brea: Just say you loved it so I can stop being scared of his furrowed brow.
Adam: Look, the fight on the Eiffel Tower was fun, but what villain uses a blimp? I think we can all agree it's a bad choice for a getaway vehicle.
Barry: Blimp technology is in its infancy. We don't know what tomorrow will bring.
Brea: Hopefully an end to this conversation.
Joanne: [normal voice] Well, I spent the whole time lost in dreamboat Roger Moore's blue eyes. He got my Aston Martin a-revvin'.
Barry: Exactly. Wait. What?
Joanne: The only plot hole was there weren't more women jumping his British bones. [hisses]
Barry: But he was so old. Like over 50. Maybe you didn't notice, but he took a lot of elevators in this one.
Joanne: Whatever Grandpa Bond's doing, it's working. Double oh, yeah.