Adam: Mama, I need you!
Beverly: Schmoopie, you're home!
Adam: I came home 'cause I missed you. And I got scawwed. [babbling] Uhh, will you give me sniffies on my head?
Beverly: I am gonna sniff the [bleep] out of your head!

Other Erica: Ugh! How did you live with your sister for so long?
Barry: I was a baby for the first part, so I don't remember anything. But once I was able to form memories, it got awful. So, I get it.

Other Erica: What? Did we just finish each other's-
Both: sentences? [Both gasp]
Barry: Wow, we did it again!
Other Erica: Your Drakkar suddenly smells good to me.
Barry: My sweat activates it.
Other Erica: Awesome.

Murray: Hey, Bevie! Hey, Bar.
Coach Mellor: Hey, Mr. G.
Murray: This isn't our moron. This is a grown man with a neck brace.
Coach Mellor: Good eye.
Murray: Literally the first weekend that our kids are gone, you're already replacing them?
Beverly: Please. I'm not trying to replace anybody.
Murray: He's eating all my food and wearing Barry's dumb orange shirt.
Coach Mellor: Your face is dumb.
Murray: What?
Coach Mellor: Nothing.

Adam: Dad! I got your message and rode Dave Kim's sister's bike the whole way here. What's the emergency?
Murray: Go snuggle your mother.
Adam: I thought this was serious.
Murray: It is! Your mom's in a bad place, and the only thing that'll snap her out of it is her delicious little snuggle monster.
Adam: What?
Murray: You'll always be your mother's baby. Now go let her smell your head.

Coach Mellor: Today, we will be climbing the celebrated gym rope. Fear not. This inch and a half of blue cushion will probably break your fall.

Adam: Coach, you okay?
Coach Mellor: Pain is just weakness leaving the body. Now, make room for me to acrobatically leap to my feet like a jungle cat.

Coach Mellor: It is not a tiny sprain! I've ruptured my C2 vertebra. As a result, I can no longer aggressively sneeze or use my full head to properly whistle.
Adam: Man, I feel like this is kinda partially my fault, Coach.
Coach Mellor: Oh, it is 100% your fault. And as such, I will unfairly put you on a dodgeball team with a bunch of weak-armed scrubs so you get yours.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was March 21st, 1980-something, the week my sister hit an important college milestone, growing to hate her roommate. And the tipping point a box of chewy fruit snacks.
Erica: Have you seen my Shark Bites?
Other Erica: I've seen no Shark Bites.
Erica: Weird, because, um, when I went to class, my Shark Bites were here. And now, my Shark Bites are gone!
Other Erica: Are you, like, suggesting I ate your Shark Bites?
Erica: Oh, I'm saying you ate my Shark Bites. You owe me Shark Bites!
Other Erica: And you owe me half a Taco Bell taco I left out last night!
Erica: So, you admit it.
Other Erica: Oh, I admit it. I ate them all. And my tummy is super jacked up, but it was worth it to even the score.
Erica: I will eat everything you own!

Geoff: Okay, I think I may have a solution. When I went to visit my cousin at UCLA, I found out that there's one thing that overrules the scrunchie: an out-of-town guest. I mean, you can't make a visitor sleep in the common room. That's just rude.
Erica: And it's perfect. All I need is an out-of-town guest, and I win!
Geoff: How 'bout a foxy one who no longer needs his asthma nebulizer because he went through a yearlong course of shots for dust mites? That was supposed to sound cooler than it did.