‘The President's Fitness Test’
Season 1, Episode 19 - Aired April 1, 2014
When Adam worries about the upcoming Presidential Fitness test, Beverly offers to write a note to let him get out of gym class. Their plan backfires when Coach Meller says only a way to escape the test is a note from the President. As Beverly goes on a mission to get her son a presidential pardon, Murray tries to teach Adam the importance of trying. Meanwhile, Erica's French pen pal comes to visit, leading Barry to ask for his sister's help to impress their foreign house guest.
Quote from Pops
Pops: You're gonna mess with him, aren't you?
Erica: Big time.
Pops: I don't know how he doesn't see that kind of thing coming by now. It's very upsetting.
Quote from Adam
Coach Mellor: You have Osgood-"Shladder" disease?
Adam: Actually, it's pronounced "Schlotter", and there's an article attached. My hamstrings and ligaments aren't keeping up with my bones. I'm growing too fast.
Coach Mellor: You're growing too fast? Where?
Adam: It's all in the note.
Coach Mellor: You really expect me to believe your mother wrote this note?
Adam: Yes, 'cause she actually did.
Quote from Adam
Coach Mellor: Son, did you ever see the movie "Red Dawn"?
Adam: A million times. Do you love movies? 'Cause I love movies.
Coach Mellor: Let me ask you a question. What are you gonna do when the Ruski invaders storm the suburbs of Philly?
Adam: Actually, I think they'd be more interested in coastal cities and financial centers.
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: It was a ridiculous test, Murray. Since when is strength measured by how many pull-ups a person can do? You know what takes real strength? Tackling the role of Levi in "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat". And Adam was scrumptious.
Quote from Murray
Coach Mellor: There's nothing wrong with my test, ma'am. If Adam suffers from anything, it is from a far more serious and permanent condition called the wuss-bags.
Murray: Hey. My son may be unathletic and afraid of birds-
Beverly: He's not afraid of all birds.
Murray: I know, not all birds.
Beverly: Not all birds.
Murray: But he's not a wuss.
Quote from Coach Mellor
Coach Mellor: Look, I am administering a test at the direct order of the President of the United States. If you want Adam out of it, get a note from him.
Beverly: Then it's settled. I'll see you back here on Monday.
Coach Mellor: What just happened?
Murray: She's gonna go get a note from the president.
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: Hello, I'm Pennsylvania citizen Beverly Goldberg, and I'm here to speak to the governor.
Comptroller: Umm, this is the comptroller's office.
Beverly: Great. Then I'll speak to the comptroller.
Comptroller: Uh, and what does this pertain to?
Beverly: The presidential fitness test.
Comptroller: And the comptroller can help how?
Beverly: He can put me in touch with the governor, who can put me in touch with the president so I can get my son out of gym class.
Quote from Beverly
Comptroller: Uh, but I get the sense you're not gonna leave, so here's what I'm gonna do. There's a guy in the state assembly's office who screwed over my sister. I think he should meet you. Sound good?
Beverly: Sounds great.
Comptroller: Now, I'm just gonna write down these directions, and when you see him, just tell him, "Jill's brother says hi."
Beverly: Thank you for taking comptrol of the situation.
Comptroller: Not a word.
Beverly: Yes, it is.
Quote from Barry
Barry: Good morning, mon Chéri.
Fanny: Hello, Barry.
Barry: Hi.
Erica: Getting into this right away, huh, Barry?
Barry: What? I'm just showing her a traditional American breakfast. Fanny, this is called a pop-tart. In America, we eat our fruit inside bread.
Quote from Pops
Pops: Enough. I'm sorry. I have to stop this. It's too far.
Erica: You speak French?
Pops: How many times do I have to tell you this? I was in the war. I helped liberate France.
Erica: That was real?