‘The Downtown Boys’
Season 9, Episode 16 - Aired March 16, 2022
Hoping to avoid spending spring break at home with his mother, Adam agrees to look after Erica's apartment downtown while she's on vacation. Meanwhile, Barry wants the JTP to recapture their youth by forming a boy band.
Quote from Barry
Jean Calabasas: Brother, uh, private business meeting. I'm not comfortable with this.
John Calabasas: You want cash for culinary school, he wants to give it to you. Everybody wins, especially me.
Barry: I can hear you guys.
John Calabasas: And pretty soon, with my little bro's expensive guidance, America's gonna hear you on every radio station. I'm assuming you can sing and dance.
Barry: Obviously.
John Calabasas: Doesn't matter, but I knew it. So, as soon as that cash hits my hand, this guy is gonna jump aboard your rocket ship to fame and fortune.
Jean Calabasas: Rocket? I don't wanna get in any vehicle with this guy.
John Calabasas: And that's the kind of honest feedback you can expect from this mall's preeminent boy-band aficionado.
Barry: Take my father's money!
Quote from Adam
Man: Hey, spare a dollar?
Adam: Oh, sorry, but I only have a 20.
Man: And I only got three toes.
Dave Kim: He makes a good argument.
Adam: Well, spend it wisely.
Man: [grabs Dave Kim's glasses] Hey, give me these.
Dave Kim: Hey!
Adam: Whoa! He can really move for a guy with incomplete feet.
Quote from Adam
Adult Adam: [v.o.] But our bad luck didn't end there.
Man: Hey, you guys want to see a show?
Dave Kim: I can't read it. Is it a play or a musical?
Adam: It's called Girls! Girls! Girls! And the cast is wearing a lot of lipstick.
Man: They'll do or wear whatever you want.
Adam: Oh! Immersive theater. Oh, no! Adult situations! Run, Dave Kim!
Dave Kim: Run where? It's all a blur!
Quote from Adam
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Even the magic show we stumbled upon didn't lift our spirits.
Adam: That one has to be the queen.
Man: Sorry.
Adam: Well, you are quite the prestidigitator.
Man: [Bleep] you call me?
Adam: Run, Dave Kim!
Man: Hey.
Dave Kim: Why are we running so much?
Quote from Adam
Adam: My God, millions of people choose this life?
Dave Kim: And how have we passed tattoo parlors and not a single LensCrafters?
Adam: Okay, we'll be safe as long as we stay together. [horn honks]
Dave Kim: Oh, there's my mom. See ya.
Adam: But we're downtown boys!
Dave Kim: I'm sorry. I'm not, and I never will be, a downtown boy.
Adam: That's not your mom!
Quote from Adam
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And just like that, I was alone in the big city. Which totally wasn't a problem, right after I called my own mommy.
Beverly: [answers phone] Schmoopie, what is it?
Adam: I was robbed by a man with no toes!
Beverly: Oh, no!
Adam: And I saw some ladies through the crack of a door.
Beverly: Oh, no!
Adam: And the magic-show man raised his voice at me.
Beverly: Oh, no!
Adam: The city is awful. Everywhere I go, something drips on me, even when it's not raining. Where's it coming from?
Beverly: Mama's on her way.
[later:]
Beverly: Poopaloo! The city can't get you now.
Adam: Lock the door! There's a bike in the hall!
Quote from Andy
Adult Adam: [v.o.] As my mom came to my rescue, Barry wanted to save his friends from thinking their best days were behind them.
Barry: JTP except for Geoff, who's on his honeymoon!
All: JTP except for Geoff, who's on his honeymoon!
Barry: I have great news. Your pathetic display yesterday of weakness and physical dilapidation has borne fruit.
Matt: I, I wouldn't say pathetic.
Barry: How dare you let yourself age.
Andy: Aw, come on, Bar, it's not about getting older. We're just a little distracted. Like, I think I picked the wrong major. I mean, art history? [scoffs] What the hell am I supposed to do with that when I graduate?
Quote from Barry
Andy: What does this guy do?
Jean Calabasas: I really don't have an answer for you. Maybe, uh, nodding and smiling.
Barry: He's the man behind the men who are boys. For example, you, uh, you want a soda? He gets you a soda.
Jean Calabasas: No.
Barry: He writes the songs.
Jean Calabasas: I don't.
Barry: Does the choreography.
Jean Calabasas: Uh-uh.
Barry: Free spirit who can't be tamed. I love it.
Quote from Barry
Barry: What do you say? Will you take my hand and join me on this journey of dance-pop success?
Matt: I do need a distraction.
Andy: I mean, the deadline to switch majors isn't till tomorrow.
Naked Rob: Maybe my father will see me struggling and not retire.
Barry: All the right reasons. Hands in! Men4Boyz!
Naked Rob: I'm not saying that.
Matt: Sounds bad on the ear.
Andy: I don't get how you don't hear it.
Barry: To the studio! Come on. Come on, Jean.
Jean Calabasas: None of you can ride with me.
Quote from Barry
Naked Rob: Besides the lyrics and our voices, it was so great to groove with you guys.
Matt: I liked the little shuffle we did.
Andy: I liked the shuffle, too!
Naked Rob: My ankle's kinda blowing up now.
Barry: Jean, get on the phone, call Veterans Stadium.
Jean Calabasas: Why exactly would I do that?
Barry: 'Cause we're gonna need a venue that can hold all our screaming fans.
Jean Calabasas: You have half a song about a kind of controversial issue, and that guy is laying down.
Barry: You see it, too.
Jean Calabasas: Okay, I'll put you in our mall showcase with the other children, but it's gonna cost you another $99.
Barry: Boys, we have our manager, and he loves our sound.
Jean Calabasas: I got a dollar if you have $100.