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‘Jedi Master Adam Skywalker’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Goldbergs: Jedi Master Adam Skywalker

423. Jedi Master Adam Skywalker

Aired May 10, 2017

For once, Adam has leverage over Barry and Erica when they find out his girlfriend is in charge of the school yearbook. Meanwhile, Murray is annoyed when Marvin visits and needs bailing out again.

Quote from Murray

Marvin: Classic tale. There I was, minding my own business in this mystical shop on the outskirts of Chinatown, when, suddenly, this ancient man popped out and asked me if I wanted to buy this rare and exotic pet.
Beverly: Ooh. Like a sassy, colorful bird?
Marvin: Better. A Mogwai. And so, naturally, I handed him $6,000.
Pops: Are you nuts?
Marvin: That's not even the worst part. You see, these (as Gizmo) Mogwai (normal voice) are "super-high maintenance." You can't get them wet, no bright lights, and if you feed them after midnight, they become these bloodthirsty monsters!
Pops: Who would buy a pet like that? Who?
Murray: No one! That's who! It's from Gremlins.

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Quote from Pops

Marvin: There they are, Crocket and Tubbs. What up, my men?
Murray: We have no money. Please go away.
Marvin: I'm not here for your money, Mur-Man. I'm just dropping by to see the fam.
Pops: He's right, Mur. Be nice to your brother. It's Thanksgiving.
Murray: It's the middle of May.
Pops: Oh. Then, yeah, he's here for cash.

Quote from Erica

Adam: I've waited my whole life for this moment and it's finally here. I'm no longer your nerdy little brother. I'm your equal.
Barry: Just let me kick him!
Erica: Control your feet, Barry. He owns us.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Marvin, this isn't a get-rich-quick scheme. We sell furniture.
Marvin: Um, bean bag chairs are furniture. They're soft, colorful balls of furniture. How are you not getting this?
Murray: Damn it, Marvin. No person wants to sit on a sack of beans.
Marvin: Yes, they will. Just pull up a bag and sit on it!
Murray: I will never sit on a bag of beans.
Marvin: Sit on the beans.
Murray: I don't want to sit on the beans!
Marvin: No!
Murray: Come on!
Marvin: Try it!
Murray: Stop it! I don't want to try it!
Marvin: Ease on down to comfy town.
Murray: I don't want to! I just don't!
Marvin: Yes. Now let the tiny beans work their magic.
Murray: Damn it! I'm stuck! The more I push, the more I sink!

Quote from Adam

Adam: How about this? I tell you nothing and you put some Magic Shell on some ice cream for me.
Barry: Why is he making delicious demands instead of cowering in fear?
Adam: 'Cause for the first time ever, I have absolute power. I not only know what's in the yearbook, but I can rewrite it as I please.
Erica: You're bluffing. He's bluffing.
Adam: Maybe I am. Or maybe I make you Most Likely To Share An Apartment With Her Mother.
Erica: That's my nightmare!
Adam: Or is it your destiny?

Quote from Adam

Barry: Make him stop.
Adam: I'm just getting started, Most Likely To Lose A Freestyle Rap Competition.
Barry: Don't you dare put that in.
Adam: You got it, Worst Dirt Biker.
Barry: No!
Adam: Slowest Nunchucker.
Barry: He's attacking my private insecurities!

Quote from Adam

Adam: I have extensive demands. If you meet them, I might be inclined to let you sneak a peek at the yearbook.
Erica: Clean your room? Do your homework? Buy you scratch 'n sniff stickers!?
Adam: I wrote the list four years ago.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Okay, they were out of grape scratch 'n sniff stickers, so I got hamburger, pizza, and skunk.
Erica: Skunk? Use your head, man! That's the one scratch no one wants to sniff.

Quote from Adam

Erica: Yo, Jedi Master? Number three on your list is to inform you of any pertinent TV marathons, and there's a whole block of "ALF" on.
Adam: Yes! It's show time, buddy!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Okay, so their plan wasn't so much clever and complex as it was sad and easy.

Quote from Barry

Adam: Oh, no! You touched the tender insides.
Barry: No. I didn't. My fingers missed the tender insides.
Adam: I saw it. Your meaty thumb was all over the tender insides!
Barry: My fingers missed the tender insides!

Quote from Erica

Jackie: What are you even talking about? Do you have any idea how much time I've spent working on this layout?
Erica: Based on the fact that this is the yearbook, I'm gonna go with a year?
Jackie: Yes.

Quote from Adam

Adam: "I'm the Leia to your Han Solo." Oh, sweet God.
Jackie: Don't get a big head about it.
Adam: No, read what I wrote.
Jackie: "I'm the Han Solo to your Leia."
Adam: That's crazy, right? It's crazy.

Quote from Murray

Beverly: Murray, please. He had some trouble in Chinatown. Just give him some money.
Murray: It's on Adam's lunchbox. It's right here!
Marvin: How dare you exploit the fact that I'm a kid at heart?!
Murray: This is what he's talking about!

Quote from Beverly

Marvin: Oh, my word! Have I stumbled into the residence of workout goddess Jane Fonda?
Beverly: (chuckling) Marvin, come on.

Quote from Beverly

Marvin: How dare you suggest that I am here for a handout? Although, as luck would have it, I am having a spot of bad luck.
Murray: Here we go.
Beverly: Just hear him out. Tell us about your recent failures, Marvin.

Quote from Barry

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was May 10th, 1980- something, and my brother was working hard to get voted Best Dancer in the school yearbook.
Barry: Barry Goldberg! Best Electric Boogaloo!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] But to be honest, he'd take best anything.
Barry: Lunch! Michael Douglas! I'm doing business on my phone! Vote Barry Goldberg Most Likely To Succeed! Barry Goldberg Most Likely To Do This. Barry Goldberg, Best Juggler.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Ow! Hey! What the- Why is this happening?
Barry: Just get in the locker. Vote for Barry Goldberg! Best Bully! (chuckles) I won't let you down.
Adam: Dude, you're hurting my body.
Barry: Dammit. Why won't you fit?! Wha-
Adam: 'Cause I'm not a child anymore. I'm a grown person! How do you not see it by now?

Quote from Naked Rob

Barry: The yearbook must be stopped. Not being recognized for my awesomeness is the greatest injustice this world has ever seen.
Naked Rob: You should get kindest eyes.
Barry: And you should get Rightest Guy 'cause you're right!
Naked Rob: That's not an equal compliment, but I'll take it.

Quote from Erica

Geoff: Okay, I probably shouldn't be saying this out loud, but the only thing I want in the world is to get Cutest Couple with Erica.
Erica: Geoff, it's just a lame yearbook. Who cares? Especially 'cause we're a lock, so why obsess over it?

Quote from Erica

Lainey: A lock? C'mon. There's waaaay better, cuter couples out there.
Erica: Like who?
Lainey: Hello? Me and Barry?
Barry: Mm- hmm.
Erica: Aww. You'd totally win, ecept half your couple is Barry so wahhh wahh.

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