Mr. Glascott: I got one. I once paid my girlfriend's rent in Florida for an entire year, even though I knew she was cohabitating with our dog groomer. They went to St. Maarten for a vacation. I paid for that, too.

Adam: I've added some sound effects to old home movies.
Barry: [on video] [fart noise] Stop videotaping!
Erica: [on video] Adam, what the hell? I'm gonna crimp your face! [fart noise]
Geoff: [on video] I quit! [rapid fart noises]
Erica: [on video] We're called the Dropouts because... We dropped out of college. [fart noise]
[Multiple fart noises on video as Barry sinks a basket and the J.TP. jump in excitement]
Adam: Ha! Classic bathroom humor never disappoints, am I right?
Dave Kim: When it's classy.

Mr. Glascott: Um, Beverly, it's sadly naive of you to think that you can just saunter in here and appoint yourself to teach P.E.
Principal Ball: You know what, Bev? You've worn me down. Go for it.
Mr. Glascott: On the other hand, we'll allow it just this once.
Beverly: I'm gonna teach Jazzercise to the lazy seniors. Whoo!

Adam: The actual good news is that P.E. was canceled for the rest of senior year.
Dave Kim: We would high-five, but that would require a level of dexterity we're no longer interested in achieving.
Beverly: Squishy, you need to continue to mold your perfectly formed child's body into the sculpted adult statue it's destined to become!
Adam: No, no, no, I don't! Coach Mellor popped a massive hernia lifting the front end of a Pontiac Sunbird.
Mr. Glascott: Was he trying to save a child?
Dave Kim: Apparently, he was trying to impress a child.
Mr. Glascott: Been there.
Adam: The giant hole in his insides means he's out for the rest of the year, and Principal Ball decided it's not worth replacing him. So P.E. has turned into rest hour. No pain, much gain!

Mr. Glascott: Principal Ball made that kind of decision without consulting me? I'm his right hand. I'm the Hooch to his Turner.
Beverly: This is wholly unacceptable.
Adam: And yet, we're all accepting it without reflection.
Mr. Glascott: At the holiday party, Principal Ball told me that he valued my input. But then he called me Dennis.
Beverly: No child of mine is gonna sit around and become a lazy lump.
Dave Kim: Don't bother. He's pretty dug in. He tried to make me carry him home.
Adam: No. I asked you to pull me home in a red wagon. Your version makes me look bad.
Mr. Glascott: I'm always pestering Ball every waking hour to keep me involved. Is it possible he's not responding to that?

Beverly: Exercise is the heartbeat of the Goldberg family!
Adam: Please, Dad stops and sits on the way from the couch to the fridge to break up the trip.
Beverly: You are not gonna become your dear but inert father. John, cue Richard.
Mr. Glascott: You're needed again, tireless curly-haired oddball.
Beverly: [holds Adam and starts moving] Left, left and right.
Adam: Nope, not gonna happen. Gaah! Leave me alone!
Beverly: We're moving!
Adam: Dave Kim, look away!
Dave Kim: Not a chance.
Mr. Glascott: No hustle, no muscle! Knees up!
Beverly: Whoo!

Barry: Suite 510?
Geoff: Wait. Barry, you weren't selected as a finalist for an internship with renowned surgeon Dr. Andrew Solit, were you?
Barry: How'd you guess?
Geoff: Brothers know.
Barry: Brothers do know. A summer with Dr. Solit would look amazing on a medical-school app.
Geoff: I heard last year's interns all got into their first choice, except one guy who got caught switching out urine samples with his own. What's the thrill there?
Barry: Coupla bros going for the same internship. Well, if you think about it, bro, it's...
Geoff: Great. So great... bro.

Barry: You really think it's mine?
Joanne: I know it, babe. Look, I love my brother, but you're smarter, way more passionate and alpha. Plus, you're smoking hot in a way that sneaks up on you.
Barry: I do sneak up on you.

[cuts back and forth between Barry talking to Joanne and Geoff talking to Erica:]
Geoff: Maybe things would be different now. 'Cause we're brothers. Like, real brothers.
Barry: It's by marriage, which is meaningless, but... a bro is a bro.
Joanne: He's lived in your jacked shadow your whole lives. Maybe there's another internship out there.
Erica: There's gotta be another summer gig.
Geoff: You're right. I wouldn't wanna hurt Barry for anything.
Barry: It's the right thing to do. For family.
Geoff: It's what you do for family.
Erica: Proud of you, babe.
Joanne: I'm so proud of you, hon.
Erica: Let's celebrate with you giving me a foot rub.

Beverly: Who's ready to get physical? Whoo!
Adam: Oh, balls.
JC Spink: Goldberg, why does your mom look like Liza Minnelli ready to take a jog?
Adam: Mother, a word?
Beverly: Schmoo, I told you I was gonna make you move your body.
Mr. Glascott: She did say that back at home. We have a personal friendship outside of these walls.