Adam: Brea, what is this?
Brea: I'm School-ercising with your mom.
Adam: How did she get to you? It's our pantry, isn't it? It's loaded, and your mom hasn't bought a bag of chips in years.
Brea: We have chips.
Adam: Yeah, homemade banana chips. That might as well be deviled eggs.

Beverly: We're gonna do some pelvic loops, okay? Pretend there's a crayon tied to your hips, and you're gonna just do big circles.
Adam: This is the worst thing that's ever happened to anyone. [Dave Kim runs in] Not you, too, Dave Kim?
Dave Kim: Sorry. Mariel's here. Dave Kim needs this.
Adam: Just go.
Dave Kim: I never wasn't gonna.

Geoff: Oh, thank goodness, strawberry Quik. I really need to take the edge off.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] And so Geoff harnessed his inner Barry.
Dr. Solit: Gentlemen, while the internship is mostly clerical, I expect you to have basic knowledge of medicine at your fingertips.
Geoff: My fingers are jacked. Surgeon's hands, yo! Playing God with my mitts!
Dr. Solit: O-kay. Mr. Goldberg, question... What are red blood cells shaped like?
Geoff: [interrupts] Doughnuts! They're shaped like doughnuts. [chuckles] Cream-filled. Maple bacon. Glazed. Cake for breakfast, y'all.
Dr. Solit: Huh.
Barry: [quietly] What are you doing?
Dr. Solit: While that is basically correct, I have to say the ensuing outburst was embarrassing, at best.
Geoff: You said best. And that's what I am. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-best!
Dr. Solit: I'm just gonna continue heading this way.

Barry: What are you doing, dude?
Geoff: Say hello to Dr. Big Tasty, MD. That's right, I've taken your rap name, just like I'm taking this internship.
Barry: Well, good luck, fellow qualified candidate.
Geoff: What's going on? Why are you being so gracious and not attacking me with words and fists?
Barry: I had a little chat with Joanne, and she suggested there's no way I'd win 'cause you're too nice, so I'm out-Geoffing you.
Geoff: Y-You can't out-me me. I'm out-youing you.
Barry: I don't know where you got that terrible idea, but... neat-o mosquito.
Geoff: Is that supposed to be me?
Barry: Yeppers.
Geoff: Oh, no. You're disarmingly innocent. Wait! Dr. Solit! I'm the kinda guy who says "yeppers."

Geoff: There you are. Your advice was terrible. I was rude and obnoxious, and Barry was a saint.
Erica: Hello, my dear and loving husband. How are you today?
Geoff: No pleasantries. I am reeling here. And not to mention, the Indian food is not sitting well. The bus trip home was a white-knuckler.
Erica: Okay. We'll figure this out.
Geoff: What's there to figure? I'm doomed to be a beloved but average country doctor who treats his simple patients with folksy wisdom.
Erica: Your worst-case scenarios are always so charming. But this isn't over. We can still hit Barry back.
Geoff: How? He's stolen my delightful persona. He said that laughter was the best medicine and then gave everyone several doses.
Erica: We'll just force the real Barry out of him with the one thing that he can't resist.
Geoff: All the buttons in an elevator?
Erica: His incredibly fragile ego.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Erica was right. If there was one thing Barry hated the most, it was someone else being the best.
Raj: Dr. Solit says he'll join us as soon as he wraps up with a patient.
Barry: Thanks, Raj.
Geoff: Say, Raj, I understand that you're a world-class fencer?
Raj: Not world-class, but... I did do it for a few years in high school.
Geoff: Wow. Well, that would definitely make you the best person with a sword around here. Wouldn't you say, Bar?
Barry: I don't know about that.
Geoff: No, no. Raj is the best. Clearly. Even with a katana, which is the blade of a ninja.
Barry: Samurai.
Geoff: I'm sorry. Did you say something? Because this is all about Raj and how he dominates with all hand-to-hand combat weapons.
Raj: That's an exaggeration...
Geoff: Oh, and so humble despite your clear top-dog status.

Barry: I challenge you, Raj. Cage match or elimination chamber?
Geoff: Those are the same thing, and, no, Barry. Raj is clearly the exceptional bladesman.
Barry: Falsehood! Choose your weapon.
Raj: I was just hoping to enjoy this three-bean stew.
Geoff: Raj chooses bread.
Barry: [holds baguette] Take your garde.
Raj: Yeah, I refuse on the grounds that this is incredibly stupid.
Geoff: Ouch, Bar. Are you just gonna let Raj talk to you that way?
Barry: Never! [strikes Raj with the baguette]
Raj: Please don't. You're getting crumbs on my jacket.
Dr. Solit: What is happening right now?
Geoff: I'll field this one. Barry is emotionally out-of-control and attacked Raj with bread.
Barry: Raj goaded me into it by having limited success in his past.

Beverly: Thank you, Principal Ball, for scheduling this emergency meeting so that we can talk about what happened yesterday.
Dave Kim: Crack attack!
Brian Walls: Thunder from Down Under.
JC Spink: [coughs] Colon bowlin'. [laughter]
Principal Ball: Stop! We are not replacing Bike Week to have a discussion about a faculty member's flatulence.
Beverly: I see. Well, I guess my time here really has come to an end. I'm sorry it ended this way.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Turns out I didn't want it to end this way, either.
Adam: Wait. Mom... You made gym, a class I normally hate, into something fun. And not just for me but for all the students here. [students murmuring] Why should one horrible, life-scarring moment mean your time is done? Last week, my glasses fell into the toilet, and I couldn't fish them out, which meant, a whole day of... [removes glasses to reveal lazy eye] [students exclaim] I mean, who here hasn't done something embarrassing?
Brea: I barfed on seventh-grade picture day, and they made me wear the only T-shirt in the lost and found. So for the rest of the year, I had a new nickname... [bleep] Last Resort.

Dave Kim: I may have once kissed the TV when Wonder Woman was on. Also, it was more than once.