Beverly: Anyway, I'm your new P.E. teacher. Yay!
Adam: Are you kidding me? I only have five weeks left in school, and my social runway's cleared for a smooth landing. And now this?
Beverly: I just think it's important that children remain active.
Adam: Well, I'm not doing it.
Beverly: Okay. Well, then you're not gonna get your P.E. credit, and you're not gonna graduate.
Adam: Fine. I'll give up all my hopes and dreams before I let my demented mother make me Jazzercise with my friends.
Beverly: Actually, I'm gonna call it "School-ercise."
Adam: I don't care what it's called. I'm out. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go lay down in the hammock I made out of jump ropes and Nerf balls. [exits]
Mr. Glascott: I guess it's over.
Beverly: Oh, it is far from over.
Mr. Glascott: That's too ominous for a school setting involving children, but, hey, I'm along for the ride.

Geoff: Barry, there's no way I could go for this thing knowing that you're up for it, too.
Barry: There's no way I can go for it knowing you are.
Geoff: Aww.
Barry: So much aww.
Geoff: So, what're we saying? That I should do it?
Barry: Do it up.
Geoff: Totally. By "do it up," does that mean backing out or not backing out?
Barry: It's backing out of backing out. And I insist, because now the path is clear.
Geoff: The path is clear?
Barry: Exactly.
Geoff: For me?
Barry: Uh-huh. My pleasure.
Geoff: What exactly is your pleasure?
Barry: Clearing a path. For you.
Geoff: Oh. Okay. Well, thanks.
Barry: Anytime. Have fun on your rocket ride, and remember to mention me in your speech at the Medical Hall of Fame.

Geoff: It's just, I gotta ask, are... Are you backing out because you think you'd beat me?
Barry: What? No. Well, not like beat beat, but I think it's obvious I'd have a slight edge.
Geoff: An edge?
Barry: A slight huge edge. Wait. Why were you gonna back out?
Geoff: Because I know I'd get it.
Barry: Oh, you know? Well, what if I got it? Like how I got the pudding?
Geoff: I let you have that pudding.
Barry: Or I took that pudding with my indomitable will and brawn.
Geoff: Or I knew that baby Barry would throw a tantrum if he didn't have his Snack Pack.

Geoff: Because I'm smarter than you.
Barry: Oh, yeah? How many fingers am I holding behind my back?
Geoff: Is it one and it's the middle?
Barry: Mmpf! Don't care. I'm still getting that internship.
Geoff: The hell you are, because now I'm not backing down.
Barry: Then it's on. It's on like Donkey Kong.
Geoff: Isn't Donkey Kong the loser in that game?
Barry: Everyone's the hero of their own story. [both walk off in the same direction]
Geoff: Dammit!
Barry: Find your own way to storm off.
Geoff: You find your own way to storm off!

Brea: Adam, I like P.E. And aerobics seems fun. That's why Mariel's doing it, too.
Mariel: I forgot my workout clothes. Is it cool if I just wear my bikini?
Beverly: Well, keep all the obvious hot zones covered, and we're good.
JC Spink: You thinking what I'm thinking?
Brian Walls: You know, I'd like to continue my education in P.E., too.
Beverly: All are welcome! [chuckles] Oh, look, Adam, all your peers want to get physical with your mama.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yeah, there was no version of that phrase that brought me joy, but to my horror, with the popular kids on board, School-ercise was taking off.

Erica: Well, it's over now, baby. The internship's Barry's.
Geoff: What? I'm the superior candidate. You just said so yourself.
Erica: And you are. But thinking about it, Barry's got something that you'll never have. The irrational, aggressive intensity of a lunatic.
Geoff: But that's a bad thing.
Erica: Most of the time. But this is a competition, and the person who's willing to be the boldest always wins.
Geoff: That's not true.
Erica: Isn't it, though?

Erica: By the way, I made a reservation at Bombay Palace tonight.
Geoff: What? You know I can't eat Indian food. Their spices are too vibrant for me.
Erica: Sorry, bud, Mama's in a hurry for curry.
Geoff: My neck is already sweaty, but it is my husbandly duty.
Erica: And point made.
Geoff: Oh, you were just trying to prove that I can't stand up for myself?
Erica: You folded faster than the laundry I make you do.
Geoff: How do I win this internship?
Erica: There's only one way, out-Barry Barry.
Geoff: Done. I will be the most irrational, confrontational, not-so-nice fella the world has ever known.
Erica: You're in the game, kid.
Geoff: Yes! And even better, I don't have to eat Indian food.
Erica: Nah, grab your jacket. That little scenario gave me a taste for tandoori.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Who was I to argue with my girlfriend in a leotard? So I suited up and gave School-ercise a shot.
Beverly: Your thighs, neck, and tushy want this.
Adam: What does that even mean?
Brea: Come on. Just go with it.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] I took Brea's advice, and to my surprise, grooving with my mom wasn't that bad.
Beverly: I'm feeling loose. How 'bout you guys?
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Until this.
[As Beverly bends down, a fart is heard. The other students all stop exercising.]
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, in a high school career filled with embarrassing moments, this one topped them all. And not just for me.
[Beverly holds her hands to her face in shock and then slinks away]

Dr. Solit: Okay, I'm ready to pick my intern. I-It's Raj. Come with me.
Geoff: Huh. Well, that didn't go the way I thought it would.
Barry: What the hell, dude? You let me make a fool of myself!
Geoff: You did the same thing to me. I hope you're happy.
Barry: Why would I be happy? I didn't get the thing I wanted!
Geoff: Well, I didn't get it, either.
Barry: Then you should storm off.
Geoff: You storm off. I have food here.
Barry: I have food here, too.
Geoff: God!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While Barry and Geoff were feeling less than brotherly, I had some familial issues of my own.
Beverly: Uh, hey, so, what's the word in the hallway, homebody? Has my, uh, little aerobic miscue blown over?
Adam: Miscue? Half the senior class heard your two-cheek squeak. This thing has legs!
Beverly: Oh, my God.
Adam: I only have a few weeks left at this school, and you just couldn't help but embarrass me?
Beverly: You think this is how I want to be remembered?
Adam: It's how you should be remembered, as a complete embarrassment to your children, family, and community.