Evan: I heard you're looking for a guitarist.
Erica: Yep.
Other Erica: Flerfem.
Evan: So, here's one that I wrote. Uh, hope you dig it.
Other Erica: Yi.
Evan: It's called "Mallo Cup."
Other Erica: Neesh pu mish phee!

Geoff: Ugh. So, I guess we just go with your grandpa or the Wawa weirdo?
Erica: No! That dude's amazing! Wait.
Geoff: So I did good?
Erica: Good?! You just saved our band!
Other Erica: And you found me my new boyfriend! I'm so gonna be his biggest regret!

Beverly: Well, you don't have to see "Twins," because we're gonna be twins. I'll go grab our matching sweaters.
Adam: Balls! This is your fault. Every Valentine's Day, Mom hounds me because you do nothing.
Murray: Yep. You know, before you kids were born, I used to disappoint your mother every Valentine's Day. And you know why?
Adam: Because you're the worst with words, stuff, and emotions?
Murray: Bingo! But then you kids came along and stole all her love. Now everybody wins! Beep, beep!

Erica: Hey, Mr. Kremp. You got a sec?
Mr. Kremp: I told your mom, she can't make her own coupons.
Erica: We were wondering if your nephew Evan's around.
Evan: Oh, hey. Sup?
Erica: Just here to say congrats. Welcome to the band.
Evan: Oh. Sweet.
Other Erica: Um, question. Will your girlfriend be coming to practice or anything?
Evan: I don't have a girlfriend.
Other Erica: These are for you.
Evan: Sure. Yeah, that's $6.99.
Other Erica: I have no money.
Erica: [putting down money] Enjoy your totally normal welcome-to-the-band bouquet.

Geoff: Dude, the new insanely handsome dude really clicks with Erica, right? Man, I did so good.

Geoff: Ow! Ow, ow, ow! Why are you full-Nelsoning me upstairs?!
Barry: 'Cause Evan's moving in on your lady, and what are you doing?! Cheering him on, like a cheering person who cheers.
Geoff: A cheerleader?
Barry: No! Wait. Yes!

Beverly: There's my little love bug! Who's ready for our adventure down the street to faraway, ancient Morocco?
Adam: About that. We need to talk.
Beverly: Oh, no. That doesn't sound good.
Adam: Listen, we've had a lot of good times together.
Beverly: Oh, my God, it's getting worse. Have I done something wrong?
Adam: It's not you. It's me. About our whole dinner thing maybe it's time we go our separate ways.
Beverly: Seriously? You're gonna do this to me on Valentine's Day?
Adam: There's never a right time. I just think it'd be healthy for us to see other people. Like, specifically, my girlfriend and your husband.
Beverly: Wow. I just thought this would last forever, you know?
Adam: I know it's hard for you to see right now, but this is the best for both of us.

Barry: And I'm cool guitar guy Evan Dando. Hey. Check out my cool hair and butt. How 'bout I serenade you while your pushover boyfriend just watches?
Matt: Geoff who?
Geoff: Aah! You, sir, you go now! Begone with you!
Barry: The intensity is right. The words are weird.
Geoff: I want you to leave at your earliest convenience, and I'm not joshing around, buckaroo!
Barry: More rage! Less like you traveled here from the past. Quick! Throw something!
Geoff: Aah! Aah Aah! Aah!
Barry: Dude! Not cool! That's my mom's lamp!
Geoff: Oh, no! I'm so sorry!
Barry: Never apologize.
Geoff: I'm not sorry!
Barry: But you broke her lamp.
Geoff: I feel terrible! Am I in trouble?
Barry: Yes! But you love trouble!
Geoff: I regret nothing!
Barry: Now go down there and win back my sister by acting like her brother!
Geoff: Aah!
Barry: We've done good work here, gentlemen.

Barry: I was just trying to help.
Erica: By convincing Geoff that I'm gonna leave him? How is that helpful?
Barry: 'Cause it happened to me! Lainey broke my heart, and there was no one there to help or stop it or warn me. And the last thing I want is for my best friend to end up lonely and miserable, like me.

Beverly: Murray! Adam! We need to talk!
Adam: Damn right we do. Look at what Dad gotcha! It's a bear, and his shirt says, "I love you Bevy much!"
Murray: That's nothin'! Adam wants to take you on a wine-tasting trip to Martha's Vineyard!
Beverly: Okay, cut the poop! I know neither of you want to go to dinner with me.
Murray: Oh, boy.
Adam: I'm sorry! I just wanted to be with Jackie. Don't be mad at me.
Beverly: Well, I am mad. But I'm more mad at your father, so I'll yell at him first.
Adam: I'll give you two the privacy you deserve.