Beverly: Stop it right now. Hand me that football. You might as well be holding a live grenade. You know the rule. My little schmoopies are too fragile and squishy to play contact sports.
Barry: We're not even playing. We're just singing and shuffling.
Beverly: This is a gateway ball. It starts with a fun little shuffle, and then you go out and break your ankle or shatter a pelvis.

Beverly: Now, I only bought that stuff as research to figure out what I could sell.
Murray: You know what? That's not a bad idea.
Beverly: Oh, that is so typical. Why would I ever expect my own husband's support?
Murray: Did you hear what I said? It's not a bad idea.
Beverly: How can you stand there and mock the love of your life?
Pops: She's just trying to improve herself, and this is how you act?
Murray: Okay, I get it. You're both not used to me being supportive.
Beverly: Shame.
Pops: I don't like this look on you, Mur.
Murray: Both of you listen. I'm sincerely saying that I believe you can do this, Beverly. You always have great ideas. You never give up. You're made for this.

Barry: When won't you be around? I need specifics.
Beverly: I guess after school.
Barry: So you'll have no idea where I am or what I'm playing during the hours of 3:00 to 5:00?
Beverly: If my business takes off, I may never be at your school again.
Barry: [chuckles] I'm so sad right now, I need to try on these cleats. Anyway, off to bed.

Beverly: So, what do you think?
Murray: Look, I don't know from fashion. But if you say it's stylish, I'm sure they'll sell like hot cakes.
Beverly: See, the problem with jean jackets is they're almost entirely jean. But Bev Wear has fun, flash, doilies, and tic-tac-toe.
Murray: Those jackets are gonna sell themselves.

Erica: Why would you encourage Mom to start a fashion line? The lady wears rainbow-colored sweaters with duck puns on them.
Murray: They flatter her figure.
Erica: Ew!
Murray: Look, this is important to your mother. She put her heart and soul into making those jackets.
Erica: And that's very disturbing, because they look like they were bought from a craft fair in hell.

Barry: Your prayers have been answered! Big Tasty is finally joining the football team.
Coach Mellor: We've been through this, Goldberg. Your mommy won't allow it.
Barry: Well, my mommy's going through a time-consuming midlife crisis, so now I get to chase my dream.
Coach Mellor: Well, our team could use some of that Goldberg moxie. What are you playing these days?
Barry: Oh, I play it all. You'll probably have to diagram some new plays to take advantage of my amazing skill set. May I?
Coach Mellor: Normally, I'd say no, but I want to see where this goes.
Barry: I call it the "Hail Barry." In this play, I both throw and catch the winning touchdown as time expires.
Coach Mellor: That literally cannot be done.
Barry: And yet I've done it against my brother Adam over seven times.

Adam: You know what I think? Coach is testing you.
Barry: We're talking about sports, nerd. What do you know?
Adam: I know sports movies. And the coach always benches his star to test his leadership.
Barry: Oh, my God. I'm the star of this real-life movie. It's the only logical conclusion.
Adam: You just need to prove to Coach that you can unite your team in a highly unconventional and cinematic way.
Barry: That leaves only one clear option: a football rap.
Adam: Speaking as a guy who knows nothing about sports, this makes all the sense in the world.
Barry: Time to blow off practice and write some dope lyrics to bond my squad!

Murray: Look at that! You made a fresh batch of jackets.
Beverly: [sobbing] No, Mur. Erica send them back.
Murray: What the hell? She sent them all back?
Beverly: [sobbing] Nobody wants them.
Murray: No, people want them.
Beverly: [speaking gibberish]
Murray: You're not a failure!
Beverly: [speaking gibberish]
Murray: I'm beyond positive. Those kids aren't even your market.
Beverly: [speaking gibberish]
Murray: A Bev-Wear customer is a sophisticated adult. Me? Yeah, I'll even sell them for you.

Murray: Your total is $396.87. And just for today, with every sofa you buy, you get this charming jacket, half-price!
Guy: No.
Murray: All right, 75% off.
Guy: Just the couch, please.
Pops: Hey, Mur. How does this jacket work? The pockets are on the back.
Murray: Not now, Al!

Pops: Mur, just come over and unzip a pocket on my back. I want to put away these Chiclets.