Murray: Bevy, what's with all this crap? A ThighMaster, a Veg-O-Matic, a Salad Shooter a Pocket Fisherman? Our people don't fish fish. We buy fish, and then we schmear it.
Pops: Schmear? What schmear? Whitefish, lox?
Beverly: This isn't about shopping.
Pops: Anything kippered?

Murray: So now what? You show this to QVC?
Beverly: Yes, I already sent them one, and I left 10 messages. I find it very unprofessional that they haven't called me back yet, even after I threatened them.

Erica: Look, this is a lost cause, okay? You sent me a giant box, and I only sold one, and, honestly, I wasn't very ethical about it.
Other Erica: Okay, when I stumble home from a frat party at 4:00 in the morning, it is super not cool to trick me into buying stuff.
Erica: I'm on a business call, roomie.
Other Erica: It was dark, and you said this was Gucci.

Coach Mellor: Why the hell is my team dancing with so little rhythm and not out on the field doing drills?
Barry: Well, as team leader, I thought we could use a little bonding.
Coach Mellor: I made it clear that you ride the pine.
Barry: But my brother said you were testing me like he saw in the movies.
Coach Mellor: This is real life, son, where people of your meager skill set don't play, don't win, and don't get carried off on somebody's shoulders!

Barry: Name's Big Tasty, I bust a move Also, my skin is silky and smooth
Naked Rob: I'm Naked Rob, and I make the tackle I cover my receiver like a wall with spackle
Geoff: It's Creamy Geoff Schwartz, got no hands with no match Just throw me the ball, and I'll make the catch
All: Watch out world, we're causing a kerfuffle We rap our rhymes and do the JTP Shuffle Okay, stop.

Barry: Where do you want me, Coach?
Coach Mellor: The bench.
Barry: But if I'm on the bench, how could I be your star player?
Coach Mellor: Well, it's like this, Goldberg. You know when you gaze into the dark night sky and you see all those shimmering stars? I got a secret for you. They're not alone. There are a bunch of weak, crappy stars right behind them on God's great space bench, shining their dim, pointless light. Think about it.
Barry: I thought about it, Coach, and I don't want to be on the space bench. Please, I'm a star!

Murray: Hey, who's the business mogul with the wad of cash? Ha ha!
Beverly: I am so fired up! I got to sew more stuff on jackets right this minute.
Murray: No, no, no, now's the time you relax and you enjoy all your success. Right, Al?
Pops: Okidoki, Smokey Jokey.
Beverly: You okay, Dad?
Pops: Shoobadebop!

Naked Rob: Dude, Barry, your arm is a cannon.
Barry: And that's a Nerf, which is way harder to throw than a real football.
Geoff: Wow. You know a lot about science.

Beverly: So, what I'm saying is I will no longer be able to mix into your lives because I'm going to become a QVC mogul.
Barry: What?
Beverly: I know. I won't be around as much to take care of you. It's hard for me, too.
Adam: Then I should probably call Chantal and make a series of hair appointments.

Assistant Coach Fast: Power food, Goldberg? Get off the damn field.
Coach Mellor: I'll handle this.
Barry: Yeah, we're handling it, Assistant Coach Fast. Or should I just say "Assistant"?
Assistant Coach Fast: Oh, hell no.
Coach Mellor: Okay, walk away, Ike!