Erica: Turn it down, dork. I'm writing music in my head with my eyes closed, and you're distracting me.
Adam: Oh I like it. That's good.
Erica: Hey, did you just type in what I said?
Adam: Nope! You have nothing to do with this game whatsoever.
Erica: Really? Then what's that?
Adam: Just a random sweat-pants-wearing couch potato named Eric who thinks he's gonna be a rock star.
Erica: Huh, what a dipwad.

Barry: Dude! You're still making that game? I told you no Barry unless he runs as fast as Carl Lewis!
Adam: Fine! I'll make you Carl Lewis! Is that all?
Barry: Actually, I do have a few more tiny, massive demands. You made computer Barry a friendless loser, which means you must add in the JTP.
Adam: That's four more characters to design.
Barry: Only three. I'm sending a super clear but hidden message to Matt Bradley.

Adam: Your demands are insane! The whole point is to make a game about me and my actual family!
Barry: Oh, really? So this is you in real life, a hunky hero with six-pack abs? My final demand! You must re-nerdify computer Adam in the spirit of honesty.
Adam: Look, even if I want to make these incredibly stupid changes, my creative team will never approve it!
[cut to:]
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And yet, they jumped at the opportunity.
Adam: Aw, man, are you kidding me? You actually listened to this butt clown?
Dave Kim: Barry's creative direction of the main character just made sense.
Adam: You monster! How dare you force me to face the reality of what I am!

Andy: And you gotta make me taller! It's like the one defining thing in the game is that I'm short, but there's so much more to me!
Matt: Also, why am I not in the game at all? I am deeply hurt.
Barry: [gasps] Why isn't he in the game, Adam? I demand you put him in right now! [spits]

Bill Lewis: Maybe I don't understand your plan at all, but your dad doesn't seem to be learning a damn thing.
Beverly: Patience, Bill.
Beverly: This is all gonna be over soon, 'cause there's no way in hell that mama horse is gonna win.
[cut to:]
Announcer: [on TV] And in an upset for the ages, it's Last But Not Least by a nose!
Pops: I did it! Who's the big winner now [bleep]?

Pops: Bill, call your bookie. Tell him I want my cash in small bills, easier to fill the bathtub!
Beverly: Mmmm, you can't do that because money's filthy. And secondly, you'd need at least $1,000 to fill the tub.
Pops: Good, 'cause I won $30,000.
Beverly: Dollars? How is that even possible?
Bill Lewis: That's what happens when a dehydrated horse that just had a C-section wins. Somebody gets paid.
Pops: And I'm somebody! Ah-ha!

[Erica punches Adam]
Adam: Ow! All I did was come home!
Erica: How the hell could you not put me in your game?
Adam: You said if I did, you'd fix my lazy eye with punches!
Erica: That was before I knew it was gonna be popular. If you had said, "Erica, "do you want to be in my popular computer game?" I would've said, "Yeah. Whatever, maybe."
Adam: Trust me, you should be happy you're not in it.
Erica: Happy? If this game becomes the next Leisure Suit Larry, this whole family is gonna be rich and famous except for me. And I'm the one who loves money and fame. It's my thing.

Geoff: Babe, I just beat level five by convincing Eric to actually take a shower, get dressed, and interview for a real job instead of wanting to be a rock star.
Erica: Not now, babe. I'm busy yelling at Adam for not putting me in his game.
Geoff: What do you mean? Clearly, you're Eric.
Erica: No, he's a guy. And a lazy, couch-surfing, wannabe rock star... [gasps] You bastard!
Adam: No, no, no. You are not in any way Erica. I give you my word, Eric!
Geoff: You just called Erica "Eric," as if they're the same person.
Adam: Damn it, Geoff! I know I did!

Erica: I am insulted and angry and very hurt! And I demand that you scrap this pathetic Eric character and put in lovable, ambitious, multi-talented Erica!
Adam: It's too late! The game's out there! People really dig Eric!
Geoff: Oh, I sure do. Although I do feel bad for his girlfriend, Geoffina. She just kind of dotes on Eric and gets all bossed around and... Oh, am I Geoffina?
Erica: This isn't about you, Geoffina. And if you want to be helpful, go get me a soda.
Geoff: In the game or in real life?
Erica: Both!
Geoff: Okay.

Beverly: So, the way I see it, we have only one option Call your real bookie, bet a ton of money on a bunch of other crazy long shots, and win the 30 grand ourselves.
Bill Lewis: But what if we lose?
Beverly: Well, we'll just keep betting more and more until we're back on top.
Bill Lewis: Then we are the ones with the gambling problem!