Beverly: Barry, we're having Sunday Funday in the backyard, so you kids go play in the front yard.
Barry: Fine. We'll just play at Andy's house. His awesome mom is always so welcoming and makes the best snacks.
Geoff: [whispering] It's Barry's new tactic to bend Bev to his will.
Beverly: Please! I make mine with love and lots of mayonnaise.
Andy: [whispering] She literally can't stand the idea of being replaced by another mom.
Barry: Yeah, but she always makes you feel at home, you know?
Beverly: My body was your home for nine months.
Barry: Yeah, so you claim.
Andy: [whispering] Watch the master at work.
Barry: Have fun with your pals, Mrs. Goldberg.
Beverly: Barry, wait. Take the backyard.
Barry: [gasps] My real mom's love has brought me back! Ladies, always a pleasure.

Coach Mellor: All right, you musical scrubs! It's my understanding that you guys are the theatrical equivalent of bench riders. So, I'm gonna whip you into shape with some suicide scales and some voice sprints.
Adam: Those aren't real things, Coach.

Adam: That's it. If I can get my dad to see "Joseph," then he'll turn into a theater geek and finally get me.
Coach Mellor: All it took for me was seeing one dancing cat show. I think it was called "Pets."
Adam: "Cats"! It's called "Cats"!
Coach Mellor: All right, smarty pants. Drop and give me 20!
Adam: 20 what?
Coach Mellor: Monologues. Stage laps. No, wait. Vocal tongue twisters. Move it!

Barry: This turf belongs to the JTP.
All: JTP!
Beverly: Only turf I see belongs to us. Ain't that right, Frentas?
All: Frentas!
Andy: Oh, no. They did a call-and-response.
Naked Rob: Took us years to get there.

Barry: Now we take our yard back. We're in a real-life turf war, JTP, two rival gangs going head-to-head, just like in that movie "Colors."
Matt: I don't think this is anything like that.
Barry: We were there first, and they came and took our backyard. What's different?
Matt: "Colors" is an incredibly real and poignant movie about socioeconomic factors that created a political tinderbox within-
Barry: Now you get it! We're in a real-life war, just like in that movie "Colors."
Matt: Guys, we live in the suburbs of Jenkintown. It's super offensive to compare our-
Andy: Bro, just get on board. He's not letting this one go.
Matt: Fine. We're in a turf war.

Adam: Now I know why Barry never takes off this dumb Flyers shirt. It's like I'm part of the team, and I want everyone to know it.
Murray: I can't take it. This is too much, too fast. I'm gonna give you a hug.

Murray: Never again. That was so boring! I've never felt such exhaustion in my life.
Adam: Exhaustion?! You slept through half the show and missed all the best Pharaoh songs.
Murray: That's another thing. What's with all the singing?
Adam: It's a musical!
Murray: Who sings that much? Who does that?
Adam: Just think. There had to be something that you liked.
Murray: Yeah, that part in the middle where I thought it was over.
Adam: The intermission?!
Murray: What do you want from me?! I don't get theater, Adam.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Thanks to Barry, my mom had her crew back, and the great Goldberg turf war came to a close. To be clear, it was nothing like the movie "Colors."

Adam: Man, I am so jealous of you right now, your first musical. There's nothing like it.
Murray: You know what? I think this won't be so bad.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] With that, Andrew Lloyd Webber's opus began, and my dad was totally digging it for about 10 seconds. After that, he was squirming.
Murray: These seats are so small. It's worse than an airplane.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And he was hungry.
Adam: Let me do it.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And finally, he was sleepy. Very, very incredibly sleepy.
Adam: Dad, wake up! It's the curtain call.
Murray: Ah. Great. Let's go.

Adam: Holy balls! We're gonna tread the boards of the Walnut Street Theatre!
Evelyn Silver: I heard the kids in Pittsburgh got to have bios in the "Playbill".
Dan: We should dine at restaurants while we can, 'cause soon, we're gonna be mobbed by adoring fans.
Ms. Cinoman: All of your expectations are completely reasonable. Next stop, Broadway!