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44Quotes from ‘MTV Spring Break’

The Goldbergs: MTV Spring Break

518. MTV Spring Break

Aired April 4, 2018

Barry and Erica take a trip to Florida to celenraye MTV Spring Break with Pops at his retirement village. Meanwhile, Beverly and Murray don't know what to do when Adam acts like an adult and owns up to destroying Beverly's expensive fur coat.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Hey, kiddo, we need to talk about the rules if you want to go swimming. You got to wear the required bathing cap.
Erica: No, I'm not gonna wear a required bathing cap.
Pops: You got to wear the required bathing cap.
Itzel: Look at all that hair, Albert!
Pops: I'm handling it, Itzel!
Itzel: That's all gonna end up in the filter if she doesn't wear the required bathing cap!
Pops: You got to wear the required bathing cap.

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Quote from Murray

Murray: Stop! Nobody speak. There's no way I'm paying for all you morons to go gallivanting around the sub-tropics.
Beverly: You weren't even in the room. How do you know what's going on?
Murray: I heard money being spent!
Erica: Well, there is one way this trip could cost you a fraction of the price.
Murray: Well, that's what I want to do. That thing. Whatever her cheap idea is.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Welcome to the Manners of Inverrary, kiddos. My red-hot winter retreat. This here's our beach club.
Erica: Yeah, where is the beach?
Pops: 30 minutes. By car. Which I don't own. 'Cause I can't drive.

Quote from Barry

Barry: I cannot believe I'm spending Spring Break in sucky Jenkintown instead of on a Fort Lauderdale beach the way God intended.
Erica: I heard that the beer flows like water down there. Like, literally, you turn the faucet on and boom! Beer!
Barry: That's 'cause all their water is reserved for wet T-shirt contests.
Erica: The city of Fort Lauderdale actually elected Spuds MacKenzie as their mayor.
Barry: America's favorite party dog is their mayor?! How could we not be in Florida right now?

Quote from Erica

Erica: Wait a minute, Florida. That's it. Look. Pops sent us a postcard from his condo complex in Fort Lauderdale.
Barry: That's ground zero for all the horniness!
Erica: Damn it, why didn't I actually read his card instead of automatically throwing it in the garbage?

Quote from Barry

Barry: I just miss Pops so much that I can't stop the sad water dripping from my eye holes.
Beverly: And now I'm crying 'cause you're crying.
Erica: I miss him, too, Bar. Wait, this gives me a fresh idea. What if we went to visit him?
Barry: Please, Mom? Let me see my grandpapa in Georgia?
Beverly: Florida, honey.
Erica: Ugh, so swampy. Oh, well, this is about Pops and not us.
Beverly: Well, then, it's decided. Look out, world! The Goldbergs are going to Florida!

Quote from Murray

Beverly: You do know that Essie and Ginzy and Linda all have them, right?
Murray: I don't know who those people are.
Beverly: They're my best friends. You've had dinner with them many times.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: It's a fur [bleep] coat! Ooh, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you!

Quote from Beverly

Jazzercise Instructor: Beverly, we're starting. Sure you don't want to lose the top layer?
Beverly: I'm fine. Thank you. My husband bought me a fur coat. He does very well for himself.

Quote from Pops

Itzel: Tell your grandkids no splashing or running or yelling or horseplay.
Pops: That's Itzel playing cribbage. I'm handling it, Itzel! Try to steer clear of Itzel.

Quote from Erica

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was now clear they weren't in the Spring Break seen on MTV. This was the grandparent part of Florida, filled with the oldest of farts.
Barry: Here's a knish. It's all they had at the snack bar.
Erica: A knish?
Barry: A fried dough pocket filled with potatoes and oil.
Erica: I know what a knish is. It's the last thing I want to eat in the sun.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Let's just sit and lay low-
Erica: We can't sit. This little footrest is all I could find for us. The old fart altacockers get up at the crack of dawn to reserve chairs.
Barry: I'm not waking up at the crack of dawn for a pool chair.
Erica: We have to, Barry. From now on, we come here at 5:00 A.M. and sit on a chaise in the darkness until the day starts.
Barry: Screw that! I'll just float all day in the pool.
Erica: No. Rafts and kickboards are against the rules. Same goes for running, chicken fighting, diving, and cannon-balling.
Barry: But that's my signature entry into the water!

Quote from Dave Kim

Geoff: I'll go get Erica.
Adam: She's in Florida on Spring Break.
Geoff: Wait, my girlfriend went to MTV Spring Break and didn't even tell me?
Dave Kim: Sounds like trouble in paradise. Dave Kim smells a door opening.
Geoff: What?
Dave Kim: I'm not gonna hide my feelings, bro. I'm actively rooting against you.

Quote from Murray

Beverly: No more TV. No more movies. No more Walkmans.
Murray: Gone! Gone! Tell him things, Bevy!
Beverly: Or G.I. Jims.
Murray: She's telling you!

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Check it. I just spent the last four hours creating brand new punishments to remind Adam we're in charge.
Murray: "No video games, no smiley pancakes, no pillow forts, no acting in school musicals"
Beverly: Strike that one. I can't deprive the world of his brilliance.

Quote from Murray

Adam: Balls! Oh, God, oh, balls! I can't believe we were robbed!
Beverly: We really were. Those robbers came in and robbed us real bad.
Adam: So they found all your jewelry?
Beverly: Uh, no, no. They, uh, mostly just focused on this room, but, uh they broke all your toys and your tiny "Donkey Kong" machine.
Adam: But why?
Beverly: Adam, these are bad people. Yes. Bad people. There's no point in trying to figure out why they did this.
Adam: [coins jingle] They left my piggy bank.
Murray: It's just loose change.
Adam: And Pops' coin collection?
Murray: I think they were just trying to send a message. And the message is, "Don't ask any more questions about this crime."

Quote from Murray

Adam: We got to call the police.
Murray: No. If you call the police, they said they'd come back and kill you.
Adam: What?!
Beverly: What?
Adam: You talked to them?
Murray: They left a note!
Adam: Where is it? That's evidence.
Murray: It was written in blood on the wall!

Quote from Murray

Adam: I don't want to live here anymore!
Beverly: You don't need to be scared. You are a sweet boy who wants to buy batteries for his father for Father's Day.
Adam: Wait. How do you know I was gonna buy batteries for Father's Day?
Beverly: The robbers said so. It was in their blood message scrawled above your bed. So troubling.
Murray: It was your mother's idea.

Quote from Barry

Erica: I can't believe this. We were supposed to be having the craziest week of our lives.
Barry: I know! I was finally gonna live out my number one dream of riding a sea turtle.

Quote from Barry

Johnny Atkins: So what'd the po-po snag you guys for?
Erica: [chuckles] You know, just, uh, typical Spring Break craziness. [laughs] We, um [quietly] stole a knish.
Carla: What'd you say?
Johnny Atkins: Can't hear you, bro.
Erica: Stole a kni-
Johnny Atkins: What?
Carla: Enunciate!
Erica: We stole a knish, okay?
Johnny Atkins: Like, from a wet T-shirt contest?
Barry: Nope. Just a regular ol' knish at a retirement home.
Carla: You stole from old people, dude? That's not cool. My step-dad's old.

Quote from Adam

Beverly: Here, Mama fixed your Donkey King game. Let's just move on. Whoa!
Murray: What the hell is that?
Adam: M- Money. Just normal, everyday money.
Beverly: Where did you get all of this?
Adam: See. Lucky ate your wallet. [stammering] No, no, no! It was Ed McMahon! He stopped by to tell me I'd won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes and gave me a big check, but I asked for it all in singles. No, no! Forget all that. I'm a stockbroker. No, wait! A CPA. No, wait! A male exotic dancer. Oh, God. I borrowed it from Dad, okay?
Murray: I didn't lend you that money!
Adam: I may have grabbed a dollar here and there for the past two years to save up for a DeLorean. You get it.

Quote from Murray

Beverly: I am very disappointed in your lies and deceit, mister! [to Murray] Oh, thank God! He's been robbing us blind! Our little baby is a thief.
Murray: He's as bad as the other morons! Maybe even worse.
Beverly: Now we have all our power back and I can go back to being a great mama again.
Murray: Whoo-hoo! I can yell at him again. [laughs] And I'm gonna yell at him but good.
Beverly: I know.

Quote from Pops

Barry: Hey, we woke up at five and booked a shuffleboard court. Who's ready to get hustled?
Erica: And I'm wearing a swim cap so I don't shed when we go for a non-splashy dip after.
Pops: Kiddo, you don't have to pretend to like this place on my account.
Erica: Look, we're sorry for what we said. You're not an altacocker.
Pops: Maybe I have slowed down a bit, but I don't want to hold you back. Go to the beach, have your MTV Spring Break.
Erica: It's not a Spring Break without you. Come on. Take my hand.
Pops: No, I'll just get in the way.
Barry: Okay, so you eat dinner super early and you called the SWAT team on our two-person knish party, but the Pops we know will always be the life of the party.
Pops: I always like a good party.

Quote from Beverly

Adam: Are you sure you don't want to use the money towards another fur coat?
Beverly: No coat warms me as much as you. Also, a very angry young lady threw red paint on Linda Schwartz's coat when they were out to dinner, so-
Adam: Totally get it.


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