Barry: [raps] We're the Frat Boys, not the Fat Boys, ya see And like the Fat Boys, we got one, two, three But the only cool guy up here is me So please let me be in your fraternity We came to party and rock the spot Yeah, I'm a frat boy, but these two are not Dave Kim's lame, and my brother is short They're mainly up here for moral support Why would I insult my crew? 'Cause that's just something that frat boys do I'm Beta Zeta material I eat emcees like cereal Cap'n Crunch or Frosted Flakes Or high-fiber bran to help me make We're the frat boys It's a play on words Like the Fat Boys, but these two are nerds We're the Frat Boys [talks] What do you say? Can I join sideways boobs Zorro slash?
Adam: I'm just a boy!
Dave Kim: You're handling me as if I'm resisting!

Beverly: Murray, we've got to figure this out. The rest of our lives is coming sooner than you think.
Murray: Yeah. I know. I was, uh, walking around the house, and I couldn't find anybody and I, uh...
Beverly: Felt alone?
Murray: Yeah, maybe. You know the words better than me.
Beverly: And you thought maybe it would be nice to be surrounded by people who love you.
Murray: Sure. Uh, yeah.
Beverly: And you realized that without those people, the future might not be so great.
Murray: It's so hard for me to get excited about doing stuff, and there's only three things I like... Sitting, watching sports, and you.
Beverly: I can work with that.

Barry: Okay, horseshoe menorahs. Wow me.
Omega Psi Brother: We're Omega Psi. It's the Greek alphabet. Is that not clear?
Erica: He struggles with the English alphabet, so...
Barry: If I were to pledge, could I expect the following hijinks: Driving a motorcycle into a crowded party, leaving a dead horse in a dean's office, and/or road-tripping to an all-girls college to hit on the friends of a deceased student?
Omega Psi Brother: We're more of an academic house.
Barry: Next!

Erik: Hey. Erik Stratton, alumni director at Delta House. Damn glad to meet ya.
Robert: That was Erik Stratton, alumni director. He was damn glad to meet you.
Barry: Why are you talking to me? I already have a grandpa.
Erik: Oh, we're doing the recruiting 'cause most of the guys in our frat are either hungover or...
Both: In jail.
Barry: Oh, I don't not like what I'm hearing.
Robert: Cold one?
Erica: It's 9:00 in the morning.
Erik: Yeah, we got a late start.
Barry: Let me ask you something. Can your house serve my needs as an alpha male in the upper echelons of society's wealthy and elite?
Erik: Ha! Not even a little. Let me ask you something. Is that a Froot Loop in your hair?
Barry: It's an Apple Jack. This conversation is over.

Erica: Barry, I don't care what you do, but don't you think you're being a tad unrealistic about which fraternity is the right one for you?
Barry: Silence! I've found my people.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, they were the perfect-haired, pastel-wearing blowhards of Beta Zeta, and Barry had to be one of them.
Erica: Those khaki Ken Dolls? You're kidding, right?

Erica: What are you doing? There's no way I'm going to that.
Barry: You have to! For some unknown reason, he's taken with you. So, we go, I charm him, ditch you, and my life of nonstop toga adventures begins.
Erica: I guess that would mean that you'd have to move out of our dorm and I'd never see your dumb face again.
Barry: We see it the same way. Now time to practice my lovable frat-brother antics, like crushing beer cans against my forehead. [fails] I know your weak spot, Mr. Pibb! [fails again] Ah! I'm softening it up. Aah!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was October 16th, 1980-something, and my mom was still adjusting to the fact that there was only one kid in the house to cook for.
Beverly: Adam, breakfast!
Adam: Uh, I already had some Mr. T cereal.
Beverly: Well... I pity the fool who doesn't eat my pigs in a blanket.
Pops: Again you made too much. Your two other kids are off in college. How do you not know that by now?

Beverly: Oh, I'm just fueling Adam up with high-energy meats for our big day.
Adam: Big day? With me? And also you?
Beverly: Surprise! It's robot-themed.
Adam: Robots?
Pops: Adam, she knows your greatest weakness.
Beverly: We start off by going to a matinee of this new movie called The Terminator and then we move to Kiddie City to pick up the Transformer toy of your choice and, for the finale, we're gonna see Styx at the Spectrum perform Mr. Roboto.
Adam: While I appreciate the pandering, I'm afraid I already have plans with Dave Kim.
Beverly: Dave Kim? You're gonna blow off a day with me and robots for that four-eyed drip?
Adam: Yeah. We were just gonna hang, but now I think we're gonna do all your robot stuff instead. Thanks for the idea!

Pops: Beverly, enough with overwhelming Adam with all your love. You need to find someone else.
Beverly: Well, what have you got cooking today? You wanna see some robots?
Pops: Well, I'm pretty jammed up, but I know who you should ask... Your life partner.
Beverly: You just saw Adam leave.
Pops: I'm talking about Murray!
Beverly: Yeah. Murray's good at a lot of things, but doing stuff isn't one of them.
Pops: You used to go to movies, weekends down the shore. Go back to that magical time before you had kids and start living! Now's your chance.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] In that moment, my mom realized she had to get Murray out of his chair and into her life. It wasn't going to be easy.
Murray: [grumbles, sighs]
Beverly: Is that you saying "Good morning"?
Murray: [grumbles]