Carlton: God, this dress-making is a breeze, isn't it, Will?
Will: You said it, Carlton. Hey, man, what do you think of this for Cher?
Carlton: It's a little formal, isn't it?
Hilary: Not only are men bad at sewing, they're also terrible liars.
Will: Hey, what do you know about men?
Hilary: A lot more than you know about women. When was the last time you called a girl for a date a week in advance showed up in a nice suit with a bouquet of flowers and took her out for a romantic, candle-lit meal?
Will: Um... Never. Come on, look, women don't like that mushy stuff. They like a man to take control.
Hilary: Yeah, control of themselves.
Ashley: A guy's idea of an icebreaker is sitting next to me in the cafeteria and belching my name.

Carlton: How was it when you were growing up, Grandma?
Hattie: Oh, when I was your age, sweetheart, there was no hanky-panky.
Vivian: Not at my age, either.
Hattie: Although I don't think there's anything the matter with a little hugging and kissing.
Philip: Could we change the subject, please?
Hattie: Zeke, are you feeling okay? Your face is longer than Arsenio Hall's.

Vivian: Philip? You've been acting strange all day. Now, if it's about last night, I am not upset anymore.
Philip: No, that's not it.
Vivian: Why isn't it?

Vivian: Philip, if you want your mother to move to California that means accepting her friends. Now, I think it would be a nice gesture to invite Ed to dinner.
Philip: Oh, you've got to be kidding.
Vivian: Oh, Philip. I know it's hard to be rational and mature when it comes to dealing with your own mother, but please try.
Philip: [whines] I don't want to.
Vivian: Please, baby, for me. If I promise to jump in with you?

Vivian: Philip, Hattie's friend has been here almost an hour. Eventually, you are gonna have to say something to him.
Philip: Like what?
Vivian: "Nice suit." "Pass the salt." "What's your favorite wrench?" Anything. Honey, as long as it's to Ed. Can you do that for me, please?
Philip: l'll try.

Hattie: Just wait until you've tasted Geoffrey's ham-hock souffle.
Vivian: Why don't you sit here Mr. Ed...?
Hattie: It's Downer, sweetie, Mr. Ed Downer.

Ashley: Will, you have to admit, Hilary and I have built the perfect exercise bike while Carlton is probably upstairs, trying to unstitch your dress from some major body parts. [Hilary laughs]
Will: Ah, she who laughs last. Carlton, if you please. [music plays] [Carlton walks downstairs] Carlton Banks is wearing an elegant, yet masculine, cotton-silk combination designed by Will St. Le Carlton.
Carlton: Well, what do you think?
Hilary: Ooh, baby, come to Mama. You want some fries with that shake?
Ashley: Honey, you can carry my lunchbox home anytime.
Will: Hey, man, you gonna let them talk to you like that?
Carlton: Yeah, I kind of like it.