Philip: You will drive her to her class, you will wait for her there, and you will bring her home.
Will: Oh, come on, man, I got to sit through a hour of them scratchy violins?
Philip: Will, you might learn something.
Will: Yeah, the same thing I learned from banging my head against a pole: Don't do it again.
Philip: This is your new job. Wednesdays you are Ashley's driver. Understood?
Will: Yes'm. I'll be more than happy to drive you to the Piggly Wiggly, Miss Daisy.

Geoffrey: You know, sir, the Earl of Cranbrook to whom I was in service for several years suffered from the most severe headaches.
Philip: And you're saying these were caused by some sort of stress?
Geoffrey: I should very much doubt it. He spent his days riding to the hounds, and his evenings attending rather pleasant dinner parties with his delightful wife, Lady Celia. Now, she was a terribly good snooker player, one of the best. One night, she bet-
Philip: Geoffrey. Where does the stress come in?
Geoffrey: Well, it certainly doesn't in Lord Cranbrook's case. I never saw a calmer household.
Philip: Then what was the point of the story?
Geoffrey: Sheer entertainment, sir.

Will: Ash, just because your dad likes something, doesn't mean you have to like it. I mean, he likes being a lawyer. That doesn't mean you have to be a lawyer.
Ashley: I am going to be a lawyer.
Will: Look, Ash, the world does not need another Philip Banks. In fact, we might not have enough farmland to support the one we have. No, the world needs an Ashley Banks.

Philip: Practice is over, Will. Ashley, honey, it's teatime.
Jazz: Ooh, tea. Biscuits!
Philip: Geoffrey, put on our teatime music, please. You'll love this, honey. It's Brandenburg Concertos.
Will: Jazz, hit me with some sugar, man.
[Jazz throws a sugar cube across the table into Will's tea cup]
Will: How about a little milk?
Ashley: No, I'll get it.
Jazz: [holding a spoon] I thought this was sterling. It's got that certain weight to it.
[Geoffrey takes the spoon out of Jazz's hand]
Philip: Yes. This is my favorite part. Ashley, honey, this is possibly the most beautiful music ever written. Would someone turn it up for me, please?
Will: Jazz, crank it up for me.
Philip: Yes. Listen, darling. Listen to the violins. Beautiful. The oboes will be coming next.
[After Jazz starts "scratching" the record like a DJ, he is thrown out of the house]

Geoffrey: Mr. Jazz.
Vivian: It's nice to meet you, Jazz.
Philip: How do you do? [extends a hand] I'm Mr. Banks.
Jazz: [slaps Philip's hand] You got that right. Man, you're loaded!

Geoffrey: Your aspirin, sir.
Philip: Thank you, Geoffrey.
Geoffrey: Do you attribute your headaches, sir solely to the ongoing construction in your office or do you suppose there might be a stress factor involved?
Philip: This is how my day went, Geoffrey. At 9:00, they were pounding. At 10:00, they were jackhammering. By noon, a pneumatic drill came into play. And, Geoffrey, they were just repainting the office. I'd say that's cause for stress. Wouldn't you?

Philip: Geoffrey, would you tell Miss Ashley I'd like to speak to her?
Geoffrey: Right away, sir.
Vivian: Philip, now, I know you're upset, but I want you to stay calm.
Philip: [chuckles] I'm calm. I'm happy. I'm in control. You see, Vivian, I had lost control.
Vivian: "Lost control"? You drop-kicked a human being across our front lawn.
Philip: It felt good, damn it. I'm back in the saddle again.
Vivian: You know, I think living down the street from the Reagans has had a very bad effect on you.

Vivian: Now hold on. Now, let's get this straight. Ashley, you don't have to please Will, and you don't have to please your father. You just continue with the lessons that you like best.
Ashley: Do you mean it, Mommy?
Vivian: Absolutely, sweetheart.
Ashley: Then I want to quit ballet.
Vivian: Ballet? Honey, no. But you look so cute in that little tutu.
Ashley: Oh, I really hate it, Mommy.
Vivian: But, Ashley, honey, just until Christmas?

Philip: Will, I want the best for Ashley. When I was a kid, I loved classical music, but my parents couldn't afford lessons. I used to stand out in the parking lot of the Philharmonic hoping to catch a spare note on the night air.
Vivian: Philip, when I met you, you were into James Brown.
Will: He liked James Brown?
Vivian: He even wore his hair like him.
Will: He had hair?
Philip: You know, it is possible to like both classical music and James Brown.

Geoffrey: Today, sir, I thought we might begin the day with an aspirin. Preventative medicine being so much the mode.
Philip: It's too late, Geoffrey. I already have a headache just anticipating that infernal hammering at the office.
Vivian: Honey, I thought the workmen were supposed be done by yesterday.
Philip: Shockingly enough, Vivian, they're behind schedule.
Hilary: Dad, it's so obvious. If all that hammering is bothering you, just tell them to quit it.
Philip: I don't even want to talk about it. These are the only moments of peace and quiet I'll have all day.
Will: [sings, o.s.] "I've got the power! I've got the power!"
Geoffrey: Another aspirin, sir? Perhaps a gun.