Ashley: See, Monday is for ballet, Tuesday is riding, Wednesday is violin. Oops.
Vivian: I thought today was violin, sweetie pie.
Carlton: You mean Ashley would have shown up for her violin lesson in her tennis outfit? [chuckles]
Hilary: Oh, I just pictured it.
Carlton: Well, I'm two for two. I'm going to quit while I'm ahead.
Will: [raises hand] May I suggest retirement?
Carlton: Ouch. Keep them coming, Will.

Madame Chatchka: You, there. What you do here?
Will: Uh- Oh- Uh- Um, I'm Ashley's cousin. I was just waiting to drive her home. You make me kind of nervous with that stick, lady.
Madame Chatchka: You dare to read while great Stravinsky is played?
Will: I wasn't as tight with the man as you were.
Madame Chatchka: Do not attempt to make joke with me. I was lover of both Laurel and Hardy.
Will: Guess that look really works for you then.

Madame Chatchka: Girls, you must remember to practice more, no? Violin is very jealous, much like the sexy Toscanini. If you even look at another, it will not speak to you for days. But if you give all of yourselves, it will fulfill your every need and set your very soul on fire.
Ashley: What does she mean by that?
Will: Let's just say that lady expects a lot from a piece of wood and some strings.

Will: And I made them throw in a little gift for each of you. Close your eyes.
Philip: Vivian!
Vivian: I want my present.
Will: Okay, open.
Vivian: Oh, what a lovely antique necklace.
Philip: What is this?
Ashley: Daddy, it's a diamond.
Philip: No, it isn't.
Will: You don't like it?
Philip: No, I do not.
Will: Can I have it? [Uncle Phil lunges at Will]

Geoffrey: Master William, there is a young gentleman downstairs with a rather large radio who is here to see you. He claims his name is Jazz.
Will: Yo, word up. Send him up.
Philip: Now, now, who is this Jazz fellow?
Will: Yo, I heard the boy at a club. He was all of that. I hope he is going to be Ashley's new music teacher. I mean, now, he's not as experienced as Madame Chatchka, but then who is?

Philip: So, Carlton, how's the soccer scene?
Carlton: Well, I may be moving up from JV to Varsity, but-- [drums, o.s.] Am I the only one who finds this drumming inappropriate for high tea?

Hilary: I can't take another week of this. From morning until night all I hear is this relentless, pulsating, thumping beat. I'm going to the Hard Rock Cafe.
Philip: Hilary. Stay. We are having tea. It's a civilized way for me to have a conversation with my family so someone talk. [drums o.s.]
Hilary: I want her severely punished!

Vivian: Will, your uncle just wanted to speak with Ashley.
Philip: No, let him stay. I want him to hear this, too.
Will: I hope this isn't going to be one of those Theo moments.
Philip: Ashley, honey, sit down. Ashley, baby, through no fault of your own things went down a very wrong path this week. But luckily, your daddy has put it all back together. You're going to return to the violin. I've called Madame Chatchka. She's agreed to give you a makeup lesson.
Will: You must have caught her on one of her rare free nights.

Philip: Will, please? I think we've all lost sight of the most important thing here and that is what is best for Ashley.
Will: Man, it's not what's best for Ashley. I mean, you're trying to control her. She's 9 years old, and she's got a calendar telling her where she's got to be, what she's gotta do.
Philip: Oh, I see, but she doesn't have to worry about that anymore because now you tell her what to do, right? There's only one thing wrong with that, Will. You're not her father.
Will: Well, how come you didn't know she doesn't like the violin?
Philip: She liked it for a year before you moved in. Can you explain that?
Ashley: I never liked it, Daddy.
Vivian: That explains it.