Kelso: Oh, man. So we're trying to get the paint off of Fez's butt, right? And so I started to spray lighter fluid on it. And Fez gets all mad, right? And then... then he started chasing me, but he had his pants around his ankles. So then he tripped and fell, and I think he hurt himself but I don't know, 'cause I was, like, out of there.

Kitty: Huh. Midge didn't invite me either. But I'm sure they're having a party. I saw them bring a keg and a lot of chairs into the house.
Red: Well, you don't know that they're having a party. Bob's out of work. The two of them might be starting some weirdo church. You know, the kind of church where you, uh, sit around on chairs and drink beer.
Kitty: I'm sure Midge will be over any minute - the last minute, like always, to invite us.
Red: I tell you, I like the sound of a beer church.

Midge: Hi, neighbor. I have something I want to ask you.
Kitty: Oh, really?
Midge: Can I borrow your big punch bowl?
Kitty: A big punch bowl? Oh, my, what would that be for? [laughs]
Midge: Uh-oh. I should have thought this through. You know, forget about it. I'm gonna get someone else to bring it. And by "someone else," I mean Bob.
Kitty: Midge, I- I already made your cheese puffs.
Midge: Ooh, thanks. [sniffs] Mmm! Boy, all these cheese puffs are really gonna come in handy. 'Cause Bob's so hungry. We're not having a party.

Jackie: Okay, this next test is about consideration. I want to see if he'll choose my interests over his.
Donna: This is gonna be so funny.
Kelso: [sits down with a snow cone] Grape.
Jackie: So Michael, tehere are two events occurring this weekend. One that you might like and one that I would really, really, really really want to go to. Now, should we go see the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders-
Kelso: [scoffs] Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.
Jackie: Yes, or-
Kelso: No. Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.
Jackie: But Michael, I want-
Kelso: No. Dallas! Cowboy! Cheerleaders!
Donna: See? Funny.

Donna: Kelso, what are you doing?
Kelso: We're just tossing around this egg Jackie gave me to take care of.
Donna: Don't you think it might break?
Kelso: Yeah, uh, well, we just thought we'd have some fun with it before I threw it at somebody.
Donna: [chuckles] You are such a moron. You are so gonna fail Jackie's test.
Kelso: [chuckles] Test? What test?
Donna: Okay, I'm not supposed to say anything, but Jackie's testing you to see if you're ready to get back together.
Kelso: Oh, my God. Are you serious? Do you think I have a chance?
Donna: Not a good one. You've already failed two tests and you're about to fail the third. That egg is a test of your parenting ability.
Kelso: So what you're saying is if I break that egg then I fail the test, and lose Jackie, the girl I love more than anything in the world? Hyde, give me the egg.
Hyde: Okay, catch. [throws egg at the wall] Whoops. I mean... [cackles]

Kelso: Hey, guys.
Jackie: What's that?
Kelso: Oh, it's just this little crib-like thing I made for Eggy.
Donna: Eggy?
Kelso: Yeah, I named him. I don't know, this egg is, like, bringing out all the parental stuff in me.
Jackie: Michael, what happened to the pencil mark I made on the bottom?
Kelso: Oh. Must have come off when I was giving him his gentle bath.
Donna: Nice.
Jackie: Michael, I knew you had this in you. You are gonna make a great dad one day.
Kelso: Yeah. Uh-oh. Somebody needs a change.
Jackie: Aww.

Kitty: Oh, I just can't believe Midge would do this after all the years we've been friends. She took the cheese puffs.
Red: All the cheese puffs? What the hell? I wanted some of those.
Kitty: Red, this isn't about the cheese puffs.
Red: Well, maybe not for you. They're so light and fluffy.

Kelso: [inner monologue] All right, this has got to be one of Jackie's tests. I mean, Tiffany never comes on to me. But what if it's not? I mean, let's face it, I look good today. That new conditioner's really working out. All right, but the real question is, should I risk it? And my body says yes, and my head says yes, but my heart says no. Aw, my stupid heart's right. [out loud] I can't. I mean, I appreciate the offer and all 'cause you're, like, really hot but the only girl I want to make out with is Jackie, so-
Jackie: [enters] Oh, Michael, you did it! You did it! You passed the last test!
Tiffany: Did you believe me, Michael?
Kelso: Yeah, sure.
Tiffany: Oh, good, because I'm in drama club, and I really want-
Jackie: Yeah, thank you, Tiffany, bye-bye. [squeals] Michael, now I know I can honestly trust you with all my heart. Ooh!
Kelso: Um... Jackie, Donna told me about the test. So I knew what was going on, and I didn't say anything. So maybe I don't deserve to be with you because that wasn't very honest of me.
Jackie: But telling me that was.
Kelso: Damn. You're right. So you'll take me back?
Jackie: Yeah, Michael.
Kelso: I love you, Jackie Burkhart.
Jackie: I love you too, Michael Kelso.

Jackie: Michael's so sweet.
Donna: Uh-oh.
Jackie: He's just so-
Donna: No!
Jackie: Do you think that Michael and I-
Donna: Don't even say it, Jackie.
Jackie: I think maybe-
Donna: I'll kill myself, I swear to God.
Jackie: He and I should get back together.

Jackie: Okay. I want to see if Michael is ready to be in a healthy, adult relationship so I've come up with five psychological tests.
Donna: Damn, Jackie. He can't even spell "psychological."
Jackie: Look, besides, he only has to get three out of five. And the first test is on maturity.