‘The Trials of Michael Kelso’
Season 3, Episode 18 - Aired March 13, 2001
Jackie puts Kelso through a series of tests to see if she is ready to get back together with. Meanwhile, Eric, Hyde and Fez get revenge on a rival school, and Kitty is upset when Midge doesn't invite her to a party.
Quote from Fez
Eric: Crap! The janitor locked us in.
Hyde: Yep. No good deed goes unpunished.
Eric: Oh, my God. How could this get any worse?
Fez: [panting] Okay, guys we have 20 seconds until the cherry bomb in the toilet goes off.
Quote from Kitty
Kitty: This is all your fault.
Red: What?
Kitty: You're always mean to them. Now you've driven them away. I hope you're happy.
Red: Actually, Kitty, I am happy. Them not inviting us to the party is not the end of the world. In fact, it's the start of a beautiful new world. A world where we don't get invited to the Pinciottis'.
Kitty: There's no talking to you. You're just sour. You're an old, sour crab apple.
Red: Why are you yelling at me? I'm not the one that didn't invite you to a party. If you've got something to say, you say it to the Pinciottis.
Kitty: Well, you talked me into it, Red Forman. Let's go.
Red: Oh, no.
Quote from Fez
Fez: Look at us, locked in a locker room. Oh, the irony is not lost on me. [toilet flushes] Why do you mock us, fate?
Quote from Eric
[circle, in the locker room:]
Hyde: Much better.
Eric: Yeah. Now instead of feeling scared and anxious, I feel relaxed and... relaxed.
Fez: I know we're probably gonna get beaten but it was worth it because we've shown we have tremendous school spirit. [weeps] Go Vikings.
Hyde: School spirit is for losers, man. You're just, like, floating along on a conveyor belt of conformity. Pep rallies, extracurricular activities, washing your hair... It's all just a trap, man.
Eric: Yeah, Fez. It's one thing to root for a football team but to confuse the Point Place Vikings with a sense of personal identity, that's just... relaxing. [chuckles] We're all gonna die tomorrow.
Quote from Eric
Eric: All right, here they come. Okay, you guys, here's the plan. Fez, you beg for mercy in broken English. Hyde, you insist that this whole thing was a big setup. And I'll just curl up in the fetal position and think about pancakes.
Hyde: Got it.
Fez: Got it.
[A team of female hockey players enters]
Hyde: Oh, my God. We're in the girls' locker room.
Eric: Yeah. They're girls. Phew!
Fez: And I thought we were going to get beaten up for sure. Hey, baby.
Quote from Fez
Donna: What the hell happened to you guys?
Eric: We got beaten up.
Hyde: By men.
Eric: By big, strong men.
Fez: Hey, guys, as I was getting beaten... I think I got to second base.