Christine St. George: Oh, Jackie. How is the first day of work going?
Jackie: Terrific. I can't believe I'm in the glamorous world of show business, that I have finally arrived! Oh, here's your coffee.
Christine St. George: Thank you. [drinks] Um, I asked for half and half. This is milk.
Jackie: Right, but I kind of, sort of thought they were the same thing.
Christine St. George: [chuckles] No, no, half and half is not the same thing as milk. They're different. Just as listening to me and not listening to me are different. Like happy and furious are different! Like employed and fired are different. Do we understand each other? Good! Now get me the coffee I want or I'll get a monkey to do it!
Receptionist: Jackie. Psst. Come here. Don't take it so hard, sweetie. Sometimes Christine flies off the handle like that. But most of the time she's a real sweetheart.
Jackie: Oh. Really?
Receptionist: No. [laughs] Welcome to hell! [cackles]

Hyde: Oh! Is that ABBA? [snaps record]

Donna: Oh, cool. I love the Talking Heads. They have a girl in the band and she's like a real musician who doesn't have to use her sex appeal. Although it wouldn't kill her to put on some lipstick. Maybe pop a few zits. I mean, you're on stage for God's sake.

Hyde: Ooh, Barry Manilow. All right, Randy, here's what I want you to do. Take this record, go back to the store. Anybody looks like a Manilow fan, chuck it at their head.
Randy: Even better, I'll throw it at their crotch. We don't want those people reproducing.

Hyde: All right. Here's what a typical guy thinks about. Sex, beer and pinball. Now, if a guy can have sex while drinking beer on a pinball machine, well, that's the beautiful story of how I met my wife.

Hyde: All right, Red, I guess I'll go. You're not gonna make me wear one of those silly Viking hats, are you?
Red: 'Course not, don't be ridiculous. Ours have horns and chin straps, and your name stitched in yarn. It's very classy.

Jackie: Hi, I'm here to see Christine St. George.
Receptionist: Do you have an appointment?
Jackie: No, but I am her biggest fan and I would love to be her co-anchor.
Receptionist: Okay, have a seat and a psychiatrist will be right with you.
Kitty: Oh, please, miss, couldn't you just let us in for two minutes?
Receptionist: I got a better idea. How about if I let you in for no minutes?
Jackie: Please? Please, could you let us in? I know I have what it takes to be on TV and I just need to demonstrate my talents to Christine.
Kitty: Oh, and I just want an autograph. Or a souvenir. [chuckles] She made cheesecake on yesterday's show. Is that around?
Receptionist: You really want to get in, huh? Okay, I'm thinking of a number between one and 10.
Kitty: Six.
Receptionist: You got it!
Jackie: [gasps] Wait. So does that mean we can go in?
Receptionist: No. That's the number of cops I'm gonna call if you don't beat it.
Jackie: But I'm supposed to be her co-anchor!
Receptionist: And I'm supposed to be Brooke Shields. Ain't life a bitch?

Red: So, Steven, this is the Viking Lodge. What do you think?
Hyde: I can see why you got that CPR poster in the hallway.

Hyde: Is this all you guys do? Just stand around the bar and complain about your wives?
Smitty: Of course not!
[sauna circle:]
Murph: So listen, I'm having a few drinks the other night, and my old lady says, "I suppose you like yourself better when you're drunk." I says, "No, I like you better."
Red: [laughs] My wife came to me the other day and said, "We don't talk anymore." And I said, "You ruined the streak!"
Hyde: You know, I'm learning a lot from you guys in here. For instance, bras. Not just for girls.
Murph: [inhales] The steam is great. Time to loosen the towel and release the hounds.
Hyde: Don't look down. Don't look down. Ah, I saw the hounds!

Fez: Miss St. George, you put the beauty in beautiful, the sass in sassy and what else can I say? I love a big tip!
Christine St. George: And what else can I say? I love a big kiss ass!
Fez: So, who's gonna be on the show today?
Christine St. George: Oh, Pete Rose. I gotta go warm up. I don't want my slider to hang over the plate. He really took me downtown the last time, but not today, Pete Rose. Not today!